If you are one of the married couples who has put off discussing your thoughts and feelings about death and dying, make some time this Memorial Day weekend to begin this conversation with each other.
Memorial Day Thoughts and Activities
"When we don't keep a promise to someone, it communicates to that person that we don't value him or her. We have chosen to put something else ahead of our commitment. Even when we break small promises, others learn that they cannot count on us. Tiny fissures develop in our relationships marked by broken promises."
An example of not keeping promises and breaking down trust in a relationship is the stormy and sad marriage of Sofya and Leo Tolstoy. Reading their diaries was difficult for me. They both promised to be there for one another, and they both yearned to be understood, yet through their many years together they couldn't or wouldn't give that gift to one another.
Leo Tolstoy: "Nobody will ever understand me."
Sofya Tolstoy: "He has never taken the trouble to understand me, and does not know me in the least."Source: Source: William L. Shirer. Love and Hatred: The Troubled Marriage of Leo & Sonja Tolstoy. 1994. backcover.
Poll: Do you keep your word? Vote!
What made you decide to get married? Please share your story.
Pat Robertson: "Here's the secret. Stop talking about the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he's a man ... Does he provide a home for you to live in? Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children... Is he handsome? ... Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn't want to wander."
Source: Hayley Peterson, David McCormack. "Stop Talking About the Cheating!" DailyMail.co.uk. 5/16/2013.
This is truly irresponsible and cruel thinking.
You don't have to travel all around the world to make a vacation memorable. Planning a vacation in your own locale and back yard can create great memories.
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Back Yard Vacations
How often do you and your spouse date one another? Vote!
Photo: Ted Stritof
Sheyna Steiner: "No matter who does the investing and money management, both parties should be fully aware of where their money is going and what it does when it gets there. And they should leave the traditional gender roles out of it."
Source: Sheyna Steiner. "Can spenders and savers co-exist?" Bankrate.com.
How do you handle finances in your marriage? One of the big decisions for many couples is whether to have joint or separate checking accounts. Please share your reasons for wanting a joint account, separate accounts, or a combination of the two.
The most important thing you can do for this friend is to be there and to express your love and concern. Dr. Tammy Nelson gives additional advice about what never to say and gives suggestions of things you should say and do when a friend has been cheated on.
Dr. Nelson also mentions that the worst thing you can tell someone is to leave. She also knocks down the myth that "once a cheater always a cheater" because that statement is not always true.
Jay Kent-Ferraro, Ph.D.: "The problem is it's too simple and fails to appreciate the complexity of why people cheat in the first place, let alone predicting whether or not they are capable of betraying you again - an important question to ask if you are a victim of infidelity ... [It] is really a defense mechanism and it too has a purpose: To protect you from getting hurt by never trusting anyone again. Don't do that! Instead, get smart by understanding what drives someone to betray and determining the "purpose" of the affair."
Source: Jay Kent-Ferraro. "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater... Maybe Not." HuffingtonPost.com. 1/02/2012.
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Never Say This To A Friend Who's Been Cheated On
So do we ever have fun? Sure! We find things we both consider fun and make doing those things together a priority.
How do you have fun, recharge, or unplug as a couple? Please share your tips.
Poll: Do you and your spouse celebrate your wedding anniversaries? Vote!
I don't like seeing a smirk on a politician's face, or on a salesperson's face, or on an appliance repair person's face, or on Bob' face. Especially on Bob's face.
To me, a smirk is a negative expression that is a not-so-subtle way of being arrogant, smug, sarcastic, or dismissive. When I glared back at him, he explained his smirk. He was quietly laughing at me because I had once again misplaced my eye glasses, but he redeemed himself when he told me where they were.