Marriage

Although many folks don't give a second thought to why Memorial Day is a holiday, Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have died -- especially remembering those who died protecting our country.

If you are one of the married couples who has put off discussing your thoughts and feelings about death and dying, make some time this Memorial Day weekend to begin this conversation with each other.

Full Article:
     Memorial Day Thoughts and Activities

Related:
     History of Memorial Day
     Dialogue Questions on Death and Dying

I like what Michelle Gielan has to say about keeping your promises.

"When we don't keep a promise to someone, it communicates to that person that we don't value him or her. We have chosen to put something else ahead of our commitment. Even when we break small promises, others learn that they cannot count on us. Tiny fissures develop in our relationships marked by broken promises."

An example of not keeping promises and breaking down trust in a relationship is the stormy and sad marriage of Sofya and Leo Tolstoy. Reading their diaries was difficult for me. They both promised to be there for one another, and they both yearned to be understood, yet through their many years together they couldn't or wouldn't give that gift to one another.

Leo Tolstoy: "Nobody will ever understand me."

Sofya Tolstoy: "He has never taken the trouble to understand me, and does not know me in the least."

Source: Source: William L. Shirer. Love and Hatred: The Troubled Marriage of Leo & Sonja Tolstoy. 1994. backcover.

Poll: Do you keep your word? Vote!

Choosing the right person to marry is not an easy decision but it appears there are similarities in how people make that choice. According to Katy Steinmetz of Time.com, religion and politics were the top two factors important to people in choosing a spouse. Steinmetz's article lists traits, issues, and attitudes listed by more than 5,000 couples.

Before you get married, we recommend that couples discuss important issues, especially these four issues.

What made you decide to get married? Please share your story.

Back in 2008, Dr. Laura Schlessinger blamed women when their husbands cheat. Now, Pat Robertson is saying the same stupid thing.

Pat Robertson: "Here's the secret. Stop talking about the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he's a man ... Does he provide a home for you to live in? Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children... Is he handsome? ... Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn't want to wander."
Source: Hayley Peterson, David McCormack. "Stop Talking About the Cheating!" DailyMail.co.uk. 5/16/2013.

This is truly irresponsible and cruel thinking.

Two More Controversial Comments by Pat Robertson:
     Wife-Beating Comment
     Alzheimer's Justifies Divorce Comment

Related:
     Video: Pat Robertson: Cheating is natural and probably women's fault
     How To Cope When Your Spouse Is Unfaithful
     How To Forgive Your Spouse
     Dede and Pat Robertson Marriage Profile

One of the greatest ways to create positive memories for both yourselves and your children is to travel and take vacations. However, with today's gas prices, the idea of a summer vacation may be out of reach for you.

You don't have to travel all around the world to make a vacation memorable. Planning a vacation in your own locale and back yard can create great memories.

Read the Full Article:
     Back Yard Vacations

Poll:
     How often do you and your spouse date one another? Vote!

Related:
     Have a One Night Stand Together
     Month of Dates
     Dating Rules for Married Couples

Photo: Ted Stritof

In order to avoid resentment and anxiety when it comes to financial matters in a marriage, Sheyna Steiner with Bankrate.com encourages couples to assess their priorities, discuss their finances, and to compromise. She also recommends that both husband and wife know where their money goes.

Sheyna Steiner: "No matter who does the investing and money management, both parties should be fully aware of where their money is going and what it does when it gets there. And they should leave the traditional gender roles out of it."
Source: Sheyna Steiner. "Can spenders and savers co-exist?" Bankrate.com.

How do you handle finances in your marriage? One of the big decisions for many couples is whether to have joint or separate checking accounts. Please share your reasons for wanting a joint account, separate accounts, or a combination of the two.

Do you have a friend who has an unfaithful spouse? Many people find themselves wondering what to say or do in this situation.

The most important thing you can do for this friend is to be there and to express your love and concern. Dr. Tammy Nelson gives additional advice about what never to say and gives suggestions of things you should say and do when a friend has been cheated on.

Dr. Nelson also mentions that the worst thing you can tell someone is to leave. She also knocks down the myth that "once a cheater always a cheater" because that statement is not always true.

Jay Kent-Ferraro, Ph.D.: "The problem is it's too simple and fails to appreciate the complexity of why people cheat in the first place, let alone predicting whether or not they are capable of betraying you again - an important question to ask if you are a victim of infidelity ... [It] is really a defense mechanism and it too has a purpose: To protect you from getting hurt by never trusting anyone again. Don't do that! Instead, get smart by understanding what drives someone to betray and determining the "purpose" of the affair."
Source: Jay Kent-Ferraro. "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater... Maybe Not." HuffingtonPost.com. 1/02/2012.

Read the Full Article:
     Never Say This To A Friend Who's Been Cheated On

You May Also Like:
     Can Your Marriage Survive a Cheating Spouse?
     Ways to Deal With Betrayal
     Repair and Save Your Marriage
     Why You Should Apologize

Having fun together is not something you should procrastinate about even if deciding how to have fun is a challenge. Sometimes what I consider fun and what Bob considers fun is totally different.

Working in the garden is fun for Bob but I truly dislike gardening. I love dancing and think it is great fun but Bob thinks we're too mismatched height wise and he doesn't enjoy dancing.

So do we ever have fun? Sure! We find things we both consider fun and make doing those things together a priority.

How do you have fun, recharge, or unplug as a couple? Please share your tips.

Creating time capsules on your wedding anniversaries won't take a lot of time. Plus, years from now, opening those capsules will mean a great deal to both of you and your children.

Poll: Do you and your spouse celebrate your wedding anniversaries? Vote!

Every now and then I can get into a bad mood for no special reason. Sort of a "just because" mood. The last time it was probably due to lack of spring here and a windy, cold, rainy day. Then I saw Bob smirk.

I don't like seeing a smirk on a politician's face, or on a salesperson's face, or on an appliance repair person's face, or on Bob' face. Especially on Bob's face.

To me, a smirk is a negative expression that is a not-so-subtle way of being arrogant, smug, sarcastic, or dismissive. When I glared back at him, he explained his smirk. He was quietly laughing at me because I had once again misplaced my eye glasses, but he redeemed himself when he told me where they were.

You can avoid miscommunication in your marriage by not expecting your spouse to be a mind reader. Share what you're thinking! And don't smirk!