Full Article: Ideas for Summer Fun Together
Photo: Larry Stritof
Wendi Deng was called a "trophy wife" and a "tiger wife". Now she will be another one of Rupert Murdoch's ex-wives. Wendi's marriage to her first husband Jake Cherry lasted only 2 years and seven months. Jake was 30 years older than Wendi.
Rupert and Wendi began their relationship while he was still married to his second wife (1967-1999) Anna Maria Torv. His first marriage (1956-1967) to Patricia Booker also ended in divorce.
What??? How can a marriage survive without kindness and sincere compliments? If you want to cut down on negativity in your marriage, compliment your spouse on a daily basis. And we mean honest compliments about who your spouse is as a person -- not manipulative flattery or only focusing on what your spouse accomplishes.
Hara Estroff Marano: "Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. They are powerful gifts. But compliments work only if they are sincere reflections of what we think and if they are given freely and not coerced. Compliments backfire if they are not genuine. And faux flattery is usually highly transparent. A false compliment makes the speaker untrustworthy; it raises suspicions about motives. And that can undermine a whole relationship."
Source: Hara Estroff Marano. "The Art of the Compliment: Everyone needs to know how to give and receive compliments." PsychologyToday.com. 3/02/2004.
You also need to receive compliments from your spouse with a smile and true acceptance. A consequence of dismissing a compliment is hurting your spouse. It's like you said a gift you received is worthless.
So, it's nice to see a long lasting married couple in the limelight helping their community. Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross, one of Hollywood's successfully married couples, are using their talent and celebrity influence to support the Malibu Playhouse.
Although Elliott and Ross don't often work together, they will perform as a couple in Love Letters on June 29, 2013. The play was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and it spans 50 years in the lives of a star-crossed couple.
Photo: Malibu Playhouse
Fulwiler lists some of the qualities Esther Perel talks about in her TEDTalks presentation about long-term couples who maintain desire in their marriage. Among them, schedule sex, leave love notes, and freely give compliments.
Jean: "He's a man who 'liberated' his wife by being unselfish about her and loving her."
Source: "Jean Stapleton reflects on days of a tongue's slip." The Star-Phoenix. 1/17/1973. pg. 33.
That is a meaningful goal for all of us -- to be unselfish and to love.
"My advice to all you married men: No matter how long you've been married, continue to court your wife if you know what's good for you."
Source: "The Vice President Tours The Serrezuela Flower Farm, Bogota, Columbia." The White House. 5/27/2013.
"Half of all adults say the trend toward more women working has made it harder for marriages to be successful. Only about one-third (35%) say this change has made it easier for marriages to be successful, and 5% say it hasn't made much difference."
Source: Wendy Wang, Kim Parker, Paul Taylor. "Breadwinner Moms." PewSocialTrends.org. 5/29/2013.
Cooper is so right. There are many issues couples think they can sweep under the rug. But they can't. Those issues "below the surface" will leak and damage your marriage. Both the big ones and the smaller issues will rise to the surface in bickering, nit-picking, nagging, and more negativity in your marriage.