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When Parents Stay Married for the Sake of the Kids


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  • Deciding whether to stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids is a tremendously difficult one. Here is one person's take on the issue.

    From the Marriage Forum: "I'm not at all telling you what you should do or even making a suggestion. I will just tell you a little about my situation, which may not even apply to you.

    My parents just got divorced after 30 years. My mom admitted that she only stayed with my father because of us kids & then she didn't know how to leave. I love her so much, but I really wish she wouldn't have done that. I knew my parents were unhappy together & thats what I remember through a lot of my childhood. It also gave me some views of marriage that were a little tough to break. My mom didn't even realize I was so aware of it, but its very hard to hide that from someone living with you & kids just have a way of seeing things, even when you don't think they do.

    My mom & I are very close & while I appreciate why she made the sacrifice, I was mostly just angry about it (not really her, just at the situation). I would have much rather had 2 parents that were happy seperately then 2 parents unhappy together. I remember sometimes just wishing they would just get divorced. I feel like she wasted parts of her life when it wasn't neccesary & she can't get them back. I love my daughter more than anything, but I don't think I could make that kind of sacrafice for even her, because I don't think it would really benefit her. I would hope she would come to understand that I would be much happier & therefore a better mom to her if I was happy, even if it meant being divorced.

    If the only reason you are with your wife is because of your son, then you do have a lot of thinking to do. Are you talking staying with her until your children are gone or just forever? My mom & dad waited so long that it was harder I think then if they would have just done it when we were younger. My mom has expressed recently (they just got divorced in March) that it was a lot harder now (being older especially) and she wishes she would have done it before.

    If divorce ends up being the only option, then your child(ren) will be okay if the two of you are okay & are reassuring you still love them. Whether you are to get divorced now or after they are grown...its still going to hurt, but they can get through it."

    More to Read:
         Definition of a Good Divorce
         Staying Together for the Sake of the Kids
         Poll: Do you believe that good divorces exist?

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