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From the Marriage Forum: "My parents just got divorced after 30 years. My mom admitted that she only stayed with my father because of us kids & then she didn't know how to leave. I love her so much, but I really wish she wouldn't have done that. I knew my parents were unhappy together & thats what I remember through a lot of my childhood. It also gave me some views of marriage that were a little tough to break. "

Entire Post: "I'm not at all telling you what you should do or even making a suggestion. I will just tell you a little about my situation, which may not even apply to you.

My parents just got divorced after 30 years. My mom admitted that she only stayed with my father because of us kids & then she didn't know how to leave. I love her so much, but I really wish she wouldn't have done that. I knew my parents were unhappy together & thats what I remember through a lot of my childhood. It also gave me some views of marriage that were a little tough to break. My mom didn't even realize I was so aware of it, but its very hard to hide that from someone living with you & kids just have a way of seeing things, even when you don't think they do.

My mom & I are very close & while I appreciate why she made the sacrafice, I was mostly just angry about it (not really her, just at the situation). I would have much rather had 2 parents that were happy seperately then 2 parents unhappy together. I remember sometimes just wishing they would just get divorced. I feel like she wasted parts of her life when it wasn't neccesary & she can't get them back. I love my daughter more than anything, but I don't think I could make that kind of sacrafice for even her, because I don't think it would really benefit her. I would hope she would come to understand that I would be much happier & therefore a better mom to her if I was happy, even if it meant being divorced.

If the only reason you are with your wife is because of your son, then you do have a lot of thinking to do. Are you talking staying with her until your children are gone or just forever? My mom & dad waited so long that it was harder I think then if they would have just done it when we were younger. My mom has expressed recently (they just got divorced in March) that it was a lot harder now (being older especially) and she wishes she would have done it before.

If divorce ends up being the only option, then your child(ren) will be okay if the two of you are okay & are reassuring you still love them. Whether you are to get divorced now or after they are grown...its still going to hurt, but they can get through it."
Comments
April 3, 2007 at 10:09 pm
(1) Terese says:

Thankyou for telling your feelings. I am going through the same thing I think your mom went through. I know my children feel it and I still don’t know how to leave. Everyday feels worse but I don’t know what the first step is. I feel so hopeless and weak. I hope the day will come soon that I can be strong enough to leave.

April 17, 2007 at 11:29 pm
(2) Siren1111 says:

My mom finally left my dad after 39 years of marriage. He cheated on her during their entire marriage. I, too wished my mom had left my dad since we all found out about his ‘first’ affair twenty years ago. My mom also stayed for my brothers and I and I wish she hadn’t. All I really remember from being a teenager is how miserable she was and she thought we didn’t notice. The tension at home was too much to handle. I moved away almost five hundred miles from my family when I was able to do so. Now, at 37 years old I don’t undertand what it is about staying for the kids. I would have loved to remember my mom back then as happy and calm, not miserable and bitter. She’s goint through a very hard time in dealing with the loneliness which I simply don’t understand either. She’s doesn’t like coming home to an empty home, but in my mind would she had rather continue coming home to a cheater who made her life miserable? My father never thought my mom would kick him out or say she wanted a legal divorce. He’s crying all the time and is staying at my brother’s house. My brother is caught in the middle. I haven’t talked to my dad since this past Christmas and I don’t intend to for a good long time. I don’t hate him, but I really don’t have anything to say to him. In my eyes, he created this life in his 62 years and now he’s sorry and asking my brothers to talk my mom into taking him back. The one I can say is that I have no respect for him or his religious ways. As for my mom, I simply don’t know how long it will take her to move past this situation. I know my dad relunctantly will be moving out of my brother’s house very soon so that will bring some peace to my mom; so she says. I have to admit, I’m glad I’m not close by. If I sound selfish, then so be it. I spent a number of years in therapy trying to understand my parents and how they lived, and especially my mom putting up with my dad’s crap. I simply hope my story will help a parent out there debating whether to stay for the kids. I don’t have children and I really don’t think I want to be a mother. But, I do have experience in being a child who’s mother stayed in a miserable marriage for and I wished everyday she had not.

April 18, 2007 at 12:00 am
(3) Sheri Stritof says:

Terese, I hope you are closer to reaching a decision about what to do about your situation. The url with this comment leads to an article about the pros and cons of staying together for the kids.

Do take care of yourself.

April 18, 2007 at 12:04 am
(4) Sheri Stritof says:

Thanks for posting your story, Siren1111.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to have much contact with your dad at this time. Perhaps in time, if he gets his act together, the two of you may be able to reconcile.

As to your mom, she needs much support to be able to not fall back into old patterns of behavior.

Take care of yourself, too.

June 2, 2007 at 11:51 am
(5) tina says:

Terese, I have been there, and remain in a state of remaining married for my kids. My husband can be kind, but he can be very emotionally cruel and selfish the majority of the time. Do what is best for your children and yourself. Life is so very short.

May 30, 2008 at 8:11 am
(6) Linda says:

Hello, I just read your message and decided to write because I have been married for nearly 30 years. For much of the 30 years, I have been very unhappy; your parents’ situation sound a lot like mine.

I stayed married to a person that I do not want to be with because I did not know how to leave. That could best be translated into “fear” of the unknown while functioning as a single parent. I would guess that much more was going on in your parent’s relationship then just that your mom stayed “for the kids”.

For me, self esteem and a history of abuse played a major role in my decision. Now that I am older and wiser, I realize the biggest problem I face is looking myself in the mirror explaining to myself why I denied myself a happy life.

People who say they stayed for the kids are somewhat in denial. I know I was. You can have a healthy and happy relationship but you have to get counseling for your issues about relationships. We pass on our baggage to our kids no matter how hard we try not to.

July 16, 2008 at 4:24 pm
(7) AJ says:

I’m staying in my marriage for my kids. I know you say you wish they would have divorced, but you don’t really know that for sure. The grass is always greener.

We are trying to provide a stable atmosphere in which to raise our kids both emotionally and financially. If we divorced we would both be broke and the kids would have to change cities and schools, b/c there is nothing affordable in this area. That would devastate my kids.

As far as missing out on true love in the meantime….I have no desire to date other men while I am raising my kids. I know some people manage that successfully, but I do not feel that would be in the childrens’ best interests.

September 30, 2008 at 6:50 pm
(8) Amy M. says:

In fact, most of those people who claimed it were just too scare to be on their own, but were too proud to admit it. They might financially and emotionally depend on other. Kids were just ONE of many reasons could make an unsatisfied spouse staying in marriage. It Just like no suicidal will kill itself for just one reason. Those parents denied the truth but stayed their comfort zone in the name of kids. Yet they convinced everyone including themselves that they were sacrificing themselves for kids. They deceived themselves and their children for their shameful coward decision. I feel sorry for those children.

October 10, 2008 at 4:54 am
(9) lisa says:

I am tormented with the idea of divorce. I am not being beaten but I do not get the affection I need. I cry alone in my room. I stay for my kids. I have no fear of being on my own. My mom was a single parent, but I have been separated twice from my husband. Each time we were living apart the kids did suffer. I want out but feel the need to wait until the kids are old enough to understand. I would prefer to save my marriage but I am afraid that after 10 years of trying it is just not possible.

October 25, 2008 at 9:36 pm
(10) Lynn says:

“Lisa I can so relate”. I cannot afford to live on my own with son just yet and continue to do the extra things he likes to do. It would dramatically cut our lifestyle. I grew in a single parent household with very little to eat and I don’t want that for my son. My husband says he is just staying the next 4 yrs until our son is 18 so he doesn’t have to pay child support. That hurts and I am miserable but I know my son needs us both as we each are stronger parents in different areas and offset each other. I don’t know the answer and I am just trying to take one day at a time.

October 30, 2008 at 3:46 am
(11) Malou says:

Marriage is a sacrament. It must not be considered as a prison bar. That is why, it is important that before a man an woman take the vow, they are both 101% sure of what they are getting into and that they are very much aware of the true meaning of love and sacrifice. As marriage vow is a vow of love, a man and a woman should never get into it if they do not really love each other, because only true love conquers all (1 corinthians 13).

November 26, 2008 at 10:05 pm
(12) sistah43 says:

I am also staying for my son’s sake. My husband recently informed me he has not been attracted to me for a long time. I was waiting for us to be able to reach some level of physical intimacy which I now realize is never going to happen. For the last two weeks, I have been very sad, but moving towards thinking about a separation. My son’s school work and attitude declined dramatically in proportion to our difficulties. I didn’t know why he was acting out, but last night he told me it’s because he knows I’m unhappy. My son is 12 y/o and although he is very bright, he has had a very hard life (severe learning disabilities, overweight, socially impaired with peers). My husband and I love and respect each other as people and if I can somehow get to the point that I can live with him without desiring him, I think we can have a good life together for as long as my son needs us to remain a unit. I am considering taking some kind of antidepressant (SSRI) as I understand it kills the libido. If I continue to feel so profoundly unhappy, I know this will effect my son. I’m wish I could wave a wand and go back to a few months ago when I didn’t know anything about how my husband felt. There is no doubt in my mind that I have to do what’s best for my son, and he’s made it clear he needs for us to stay together and ‘make-up’. I think I can do that, but the cost really is my sense of self and what I feel like I want in a relationship. And it makes me grief-stricken to have to make the choice to live this life that lacks intimacy with my partner. But it’s better than adding to my son’s numerous burdens. In a way, it’s a strange gift to be aware of a moment in which you decide on a course in your life.

January 21, 2009 at 8:52 pm
(13) Stacy says:

I got out. Initially, I thought I could stay for our children. Truth is, we are great friends. But that’s it. Real humans, need other humans and I had no love in my life. Life with him, was dark, sad and awful. I didn’t need to teach my children that living THAT way, was healthy or ok. I worried for the kind of spouses they would have, with us as their example. I finally found the strength, and after 11 yrs, got out. There were some bumpy, emotional moments and of course there were sacrifices to be made-but I am happy to report how much happier our children are! Dad and I are better parents for our kids, apart.

June 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm
(14) CleverDice says:

Marriage is for the weak and shallow minded. People grow apart. It is human nature. A piece of paper and a vow that was at one time valid is a poor excuse to stay together. Change is always good. If we don’t change or can not due to being stuck in a relationship we begin to die. If something is not growing it is surely dying. Try at a marriage but if you are not happy after that leave. Get out. We are here on this planet to enjoy not be stifled and stuck. If two people love each other then there is no need for marriage.

October 29, 2009 at 6:49 pm
(15) angie says:

Stacy (13) leaves the most hope. I don’t want to be selfish but I do know that I want to feel respected and thought kindly about. I think I could be friends with my husband if the stress of being everything in a marriage wasn’t there!

November 3, 2009 at 12:36 pm
(16) Frank says:

My wife is clinically depressed and my son has Asperger’s. So – though my wife and I have grown apart, I know that her influence on him, though at times positive, could often be negative (she sleeps 14 hours a day, dislikes other people as a rule, is too lazy to cook, will not consider working… etc.). I have to be there for him – to provide a positive example perhaps not of an ideal marriage, but on other aspects of being a responsible, positive, emotionally secure adult.

How do I handle it? First, there is some comfort in the clarity of my decision – if I left I am fairly sure his life would take a serious turn for the worse. Second, I try to spend time on improving things within my control. That’s a real challenge since the responsibilities of being a parent, sole breadwinner, sole cook, bookkeepr etc. leave little time and do take their toll. Third, I try to provide guidance to him as he grows that will help him make better decisions than I (my options are limited on this front as I will not sabotage his relationship with his mother).

December 24, 2009 at 1:34 pm
(17) JELD says:

I googled “should parents stay for the sake of their children” and everywhere I looked it says “NO”. The question I have is why do I continue to stay. I don’t want my children to suffer in the process of my divorce. In fact, my husband doesn’t think I would ever leave him and calls me an idiot for staying. Hurtfull events and comments put me harder to make the decision of divorce. I’m scared. Questions that I have are:

1) do I go to therapy to help guide me with my steps?
2) do I bring my children to therapy to prepare them for this new life change?
3) do I discuss the divorce before serving the papers to my husband?
4) do I have the right to tell him that once he’s served that he should leave the house?

Any advice you have will be helpful.

December 30, 2009 at 12:23 am
(18) allyson says:

Where to start …got marry to young …. I been marry close to 8 years ,have two beautyfull daugther …not sure if I feel the same for my husband …there was a lot of cheating before , I don’t trust him ….I met someone a couple of months ago .. He was making me feel good againg … But lil by lil stop talking wit him …. He was asking me for some stuff that I wasn’t sure if I was ready for ….I miss him ,he’s always in my head ….but I went back wit my husband ….I don’t feel happy but I see my girls happy …..so before the new year start …I wanna make the rite decisition,but idk wat to do ??

December 31, 2009 at 12:25 pm
(19) phil says:

Marriage is a tough proposition all the way around. People grow and change, we also realize as we get older that what we once thought was, in reality is not. But, as far as staying together for my children, I must admit, it is for completely selfish reasons. I love my daughters and could not bare them being away from me in there develemental years. I don’t want any other man being there father, and my realationship is good enough that I can see it through until my girls are out of the house. No realationship is perefect, and I can’t say that I will leave my wife after the children have gone, but in the day to day grind that is life, I can’t see us together once my daughters leave the house.

What I may have to deal with in my old age will be worth every second I have had watching, and being there, as my daughter have grown.

Peace and Love….

March 23, 2010 at 11:32 am
(20) Vivien says:

Sometimes couple can rediscover each other after the children leave. Here is a song I wrote about this called “When the Children Are Gone.”
:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r5QoaEMNYY

April 22, 2010 at 4:36 pm
(21) JohnT says:

I’m not sure how people can claim they would’ve been happier if their parents would not have stayed together [for them]. You can’t know that unless you’ve been through it. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I would’ve much rather had them both around to raise my brother and I. Don’t have children if you don’t plan to raise them together. That being said I’m really not very happy with my wife. But we get along and the kids have fun with us. I’ll stay with her until the kids are grown. Maybe I’ll feel differently then. I think I can wait for their sake.

October 20, 2010 at 2:55 am
(22) Beamer says:

I have been marrried for 8 years. I have 2 children from a previous relationship and two from him. I sold my house, quit a very good job and moved to Canada to be with him. I am away from my family. It wasn’t long before his true colors came out…verbally abusive to both me and his step children. HE thinks we are stupid because we are not his “blood” and I am still working on my degree. He insults my all the time and calls it “critiquing” and says horrible things to the kids. He is a womanizer and usually passes his time looking at forbidden stuff online. He says that his priviate life is none of my business. Yet, I am not allowed to have a private life. His mother defends him and makes excuses. Then, every night he wants me to go to bed with him like nothing happened. If I refuse, he gets uglier and says I am abusive and that it is his right. We fight a lot because I feel like I have to defend myself. IF I demand equality, he calls me a lesbian. Why don’t I leave him? Resources! I have none! I forefitted everything when I married him. I do not have a job because I am a full-time university student. He wants me to work so I can contribute to the finances as long as he doesn’t have to help out with the house and kids. I am so physically tired but he doesn’t care because his carreer and health are priority. Anyhow, his family is very powerful. I WILL lose the two children that he fathered because they are more cunning than I am and have lots of money. I have no money. No money, means no hope for custody. Life without my kids would be the kind of heartbreak I cannot stomach.

October 20, 2010 at 12:51 pm
(23) Sheri says:

Beamer / 22 — I was going to email you, but worried your husband may have access to your email — Please let your parents / family know of your situation, contact an abuse center, and/or contact an attorney as soon as you can! There may be help for you.

January 9, 2011 at 12:57 am
(24) frommypov says:

I grew up without knowing at all what having both parents under the same roof was like. My parents divorced when i was only 7 months old and altough i spent most of my childhood hoping for them to be back together i thank them for not doing so. When i was 13 i walked into my dad’s bedroom and saw my mother laying next to him i was in complete shock and told them i did not want them together, to please not do it for me because i was already old enough to realize that they were very unhappy before i was born and those 7 months after, my mother told me all those stories, they lasted very little together after that. I have a 3 month old son now and i found out i was pregnant 2 weeks after i had broken up with his father with whom i had been for 5 years. We are leaving together until i can save enough money to move out and give our son the best comfort we can give him, we both know that altough we love each other we cannot remain together, we are a family just not a conventional one, he will have full access to our son’s life, we agreed to put him first, and thankfully we are great friends now and both agree on the same parenting techniques etc. Based on my own experience, i had a normal childhood, i didnt see my father every day but when i did he made sure to create beautiful memories of the time we spent, my father is my best friend and i will forever be greatful to my mother for raising me with all the difficulties that being a single parent can bring. I respect them both for being true to themselves. We are responsible for our son’s happiness and at some point we discussed staying together for him, but we cannot make him happy based on a lie, if there is something we want our son to stay with when we are done raising him is HONESTY ABOVE ALL, specially to those he loves the most.

August 1, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(25) bb says:

I know we still love each other but we have had 5 years of bringing each
Other down. There have been ups too, but we r stagnated. Our childre
R still so small, both under age of 3. I feel heartbroken at the
Thought of divorce, but there r some days, like today that I
Feel so used and walked all over that I wonder why I have accepted
This for so long. My self esteem has not been the greatest, maybe
That’s why I’ve allowed him to relate to me in this abusive way.
I get so angry about what our children are exposed to that it makes
Me just want to leave. But then there r so many factors to consider
… Will he fight for the children (that will kill me)? What if he gets
Remarried, the children have a strange woman on their lives
Acting 2nd mom? Will they suffer from the divorce? How will I cope
Financially on my own? I just don’t know. Its devastating. When u
Get married u don’t consider that it could fail. I got married thinking
It was for life. I feel I have failed myself largely. I can only pray that
It all turns around and that there is hope that we can still save our
Marriage for our own personal happiness and very importantly, our
Childrens happiness.

September 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm
(26) aria says:

my husband has been cheating on me and I just found out, after 17 years of marriage, I just wanted him to tell me everything, I have been to hell and back these last few months, I told him to confess everything and forgave him, he assured me there was nothing else and I am still finding out alot more, there is no trust now, I keep getting hurt over and over again, I am pretty sure he won’t do it again…but the fact that he is lying about everything and is still keeping alot from me knowing I will forgive him worries me. we have 2 children and I don’t know if I can love him again the same and if we even really have a marriage anymore, it would kill my children to separate but I don’t know how long I can go on, knowing everything about him now I know he is not the kind of person I would have ever married, knowing what he was capable of…I don’t know him at all and feel like I am with a stranger. I feel I have to give up my life and stay with him for our kids…I am very sad.

December 1, 2011 at 1:38 pm
(27) sad and depressed says:

I have to stay for my children! They right now are the only thing getting me through each day. We have been married for 11 years and seperated once (my choice) and he put me and his children (the ones he claims he loves so much) through pure hell. He was absolultey spiteful, evil…put me in jail for 3 days and told the kids about it! The list goes on and on…but after about 7 months apart..we decided to try it again! Needless to say its been about a year and I am as miserable as can be (on the inside) He has lied so much to me about so much stuff (that he doesn’t think I know..BUT I do) he’s been cheating on me..BUT doesn’t know I know) I am a stay at home mom and have been which is one of the reasons I stay! The other is I could not handle him doing what he did to his kids last time this happened!! They were so sad and were doing terrible in school…I REFUSE to put them through that again! I swear the man has 2 different personalities!!! I will stay till the kids get much older and I can explain to them where they will be able to understand…right now…they can’t!!!

January 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm
(28) JP Brush says:

When you’re a Mormon, things get even more tricky. You see, marriage and family are FOREVER. If you don’t try to make things work no matter what (except in cases of abuse), you are really messing up. I have not loved my husband for many years, my needs and my children’s needs having been ignored. I checked out, so to speak long ago. When I had an emotional affair, it was a huge wake up call for him (a lot biger than me saying it or leaving for a few days so he could ‘figure it out’). Now he is being the perfect husband–flowers, filling my car up with gas, spending time with the kids, etc. Problem is, I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. My bishop says to hang in there’ and that couples who do are generally happier several years later. But I’m so done. I know I should be a better Christian and forgive and build a beautiful life with my new and improved husband and live happily forever after eternally as a family unit. But after feeling alive and happy after twenty years of an unfulfilling marriage, I’m really struggling. We have four children, one teenager that needs a lot of attention and guidance right now. And each day is like walking through quicksand, crying. I have cut off contact with the man who made me laugh again. How do I stay when my heart is telling me to find a different happy? Am I spoiled? Too unrateful? Is it a sin to want to divide this family?

January 24, 2012 at 8:11 am
(29) Confused says:

I will sacrifice my happiness and personal need for intimacy to raise my children in a loving environment with both myself and my husband under the same roof. Our children are loved, nurtured, encouraged and protected. They love us both equally and we love them both more than ourselves. They want us to live as a unit under the same roof, experiencing life and activities together as one unit. This makes sense to their young minds, their mum and dad experiencing life everyday together with them. No heartache, no confusion, no instability, no emotional distress. The intimacy they will not witness in their parents relationship is given 10fold to them in their individual relationships with their parents. They will have a solid understanding of live, how to give and how to receive. I will sacrifice my happiness for my childrens happiness and alway hold onto hope of a renewed future in my marriage. My thoughts :) thanks for listening…

July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm
(30) Paul E says:

Hello! My name is Paul. I was raised with both of my parents and never saw them fight. I was in my late teens the first time my mom told me that she wasn’t in love with my dad and that she stayed with him for us kids.
At 21 I had my first son, the relationship did t work out and we went our ways. I continue to struggle with the court system and I hardly get to see my son.
I got married 5 years ago and due to my own actions in the beginning, it has been very difficult to get past. We have a daughter together and every time the thought of us splitting up arises it just hurts. The struggle I go thru of not being there for my son kills me! My daughter is going to be 4 years old. I am very thankfull my mother stayed with my dad! Today they are very much happy! I believe as parents we need to put our kids first and shower them with love and do what ever it tAkes to make sure the grow into responsiable adults. So many kids grow up with bitterness and resentment towards there parent who left them. We should not be selfish and think of our own happiness. I hope this helps….

August 10, 2012 at 6:23 am
(31) Alan says:

My estranged wife is taking my 2 young children to another country on the other side of the world. Because of the distance, this would mean I would only get to see them probably 3 times a year.
I’ve been with someone else for the past year, and in love with that person.
But I feel like I should sacrifice my happiness for the sake of the children. Otherwise being in a different hemisphere, they will pretty much grow up with no father. If she was staying in my country I could have still been a very active father (continuing the regular visits/days I have with them now)
Would love to know what other people’s views are on this.

September 6, 2012 at 4:44 am
(32) sam says:

I am in a similar position but cannot leave my wife for fear of how that would affect my daughter. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and I guess this shall be mine.

October 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm
(33) Mommaraven says:

I love my child and her needs are more important than mine. Children need their parents together ( except for abuse and violence ). They get destroyed by divorce. Especially at a very young age. We who chose to bring them into this world have a duty to follow our roles through. Showering them with love and in unity. Regardless.

November 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm
(34) StruggleMom says:

Similar experiences as (28). Married for 13 yrs. My husband went to W-house on 2nd year, only because it was an exciting exp. My 1st son was 1 year old. That changed us. We didn’t know each other long enough before we got married. We have 2 beautiful boys (12 and 9): kind, sporty and school smart, we love them dearly. We live in separate rooms for 8+ years. I had a fling with a co-worker and found my husband’s was involved with someone, he denied, and I didn’t bother to dig in. Then I met the love of my life 6 years ago: 10 years older, kind, affectionate and caring, separated and waited for his divorce due to ex’s health condition. He got divorced after she’s fully recovered, moved to my state and waited 3 years loyally. He has financial trouble though – broke with child supports. He works but never keeping a job. Lower education. We went through alot. I filed my divorce earlier this year; all agreement with husband. However, I fell apart in court, dismissed the case because of guilt. Struggled back & force since then. I don’t love my husband; can’t stand being physical. We still live in separate rooms. My love moved away. He refused to wait anymore because he is older. I want to run to him every day. However, my questions about him were never resolved: 1. He has strong personality, how will he deal with my boys pre-teen boys, while the father is mellow & loving; research said boys get hit harder from parent’s divorce; 2. He has bad financial strength, he has been talking bigger than results, it worries me about future; 3. We have different culture background, its frustrated to get buy-in about things with each other…
I am sad each day missing my love, dead inside cuz I am staying for my kids. My husband is a very good father; I can’t take the guilt to break the family. I am upset a lot. My kids have never seen their parents compassionate. How are they going to know how to treat their girlfriends or wives?

December 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm
(35) Anderson says:

Hello, I’m a teen living with my whole family of six. My older brothers are back at home and I’m about to leave for college. My parents have been fighting more and more every year and it is getting about littler and littler things. I don’t think they understand that all of us can hear then fight and now they are unhappy. I believe they are only staying together because of us kids and the business they own together. My mom side of the story is she is a stay at home mom and she cleans the business for a set check of money every two weeks. My dad gives her no credit for the house work and thinks it is easy to have a perfect clean house with six people and five are boys. She tries to do a good job but my dad treats her like crap. She also hates that he pays her in checks do he controls all the money. Now my dad side is that my mom sits around the house and reads and watches movies. She all so has been not doing a good job of cleaning the business anymore so my dad has to do that too. He also works about 80 hours a week with three jobs. ( one big one and two small ones) . I don’t know what to do? My dads a jerk and my moms lazy. They have been married for 20 years and I do think ones my little brother is in
college they will split up and sell the business. I don’t see a happy ending but I hope for the future.

March 29, 2013 at 8:50 pm
(36) marilyn says:

my husband.have ex-wife and have kids..and the kids..they know parents still together relationship..i feel bad because kids are still don’t know parents divorced already.i want my husband back to his ex-family..
even hurt..and so much pain..i don’t know what to do..im always thinking about that.i feel insecure because..we cant make kids..because he have some operation already..i feel bad..he love him very much the kids….
and second ex-family..he have 1 son..but the second wife he love her ..I know….so much pain to my heart.im so sad….

April 12, 2013 at 8:05 am
(37) Carol says:

I stay for my children because my relationship is friendly enough to avoid the trauma that divorce causes. There are benefits of staying together as we’ll, such as two full-time parents and financial security. Although the romantic love in my relationship is gone, we care about each other enough to make sure that we treat each other in a way that still sets a good example for our children. My parents stayed together for me and my siblings…then fell in love again and are happier than ever now.

April 29, 2013 at 3:18 pm
(38) Chris says:

I am married and living overseas. My son was born and is a citizen to this country and i stay married to my husband because i have no rights to take him out of the country without his father’s consent. I feel stuck and depressed because if i leave i have to leave without my son, something i cannot do. I wish so much that things were different, i know i would be more happy in my own country. I also know one day i will regret my life because i was stuck in a loveless marriage. We stay together because of our son and i stay unhappy because i would be more unhappy without him.

May 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm
(39) Tom says:

My wife completely deserted our relationship upon getting married and having kids about 10 years ago. I am filled with rage every waking hour of every day but cannot leave for the sake of my kids. If I do, she will likely abduct them to her native country which does not observe the Hague Convention on Abducted Children (or have visitation rights). No child has ever been returned from there as a result of a U.S. custody order. It would be so easy to leave the marriage if I knew I could still be a parent and at least see them sometimes. Most Americans have no idea how dire the situation can be for those in international families, nor how common it is. I have consulted with a lawyer who acknowledges there is no safe way through this. My wife lacks judgment and would likely not protect them from harm. My son has a learning disability and would be crushed if I left. My daughter definitely needs a strong father as well. The courts are utterly biased against men as well, here and overseas. My own parents were in the process of getting divorced when my mother was killed, so this is all extremely painful and yet I cannot speak a word of it.

May 25, 2013 at 10:49 pm
(40) Carla says:

My mom and dad did the same, my dad and mom recently split up and my dad had told all of us that he was only with my mom the past 30 years because of us kids, I think it’s wrong you don have to be in a relationship with someone if its not working out just because you have kids together. You are still the kids parents and can still have a civil relationship apart for your kids sake it bothered me watching them fight all the time and seeing my mother miserable cus my day mistreated her and didn’t show love for her the way two couples normally would.

I don’t want to do the same to my kids my common law partner I’m currently with and I are struggling in our relationship and the last thing I want is to do the same as my dad and stay with him for the kids, the only thing that scares me is him trying to get custody of our son who is almost 4 and our new baby girl who I’m currently pregnant with. As I’m the one who takes care of them all on my own and have been since they were born regardless if we lived together he has never helped out he would make excuses when I would ask for help with my daughter with a previous relationship and his and my son, even when they were babies he made excuses when it came time to try an get him to swap turns in the middle of the night for feedings. In my opinion I do all the work and my kids are very attached to me so I believe they should remain in my custody but see him when he wants.

August 17, 2013 at 11:09 pm
(41) Me says:

My parents divorced when I was 7. My view was/is different from yours. (I do respect your point of view, as everyone sees things differently and it also depends on the situation). I was very much heart broken. Infact that was the only time my heart was ever broken into that many pieces. I cried every single night until about the age of 17 when I met my boyfriend now husband. My life sanked. I dropped out of high school, got into a a lot of fights… Ran away from home in some occasions. I had to learn things the hard way. My mom left because my grandmother and my dad got into an argument, and apparently she chose her mothers side and left us. She was barely in my life after that. I had no guidance on life… Which again lead me to drop out of high school and etc. My father whom I lived with, was diagnosed with LIpus and heart disease shortly after the divorce. He loved us but it was hard for him to take care of three kids on his own… It was hard for me too as he is a guy and does not understand females. Anywho, til this day I still wonder how my life would be if they were together still…. Would I have finished school? Became an RN like I’ve always wanted?

October 31, 2013 at 7:50 am
(42) Tony says:

Hi, I’ve been married for 18 years and have a 17 year old daughter who’s at college and hoping to go to university next September. Me and my wife have been going through a bad patch for some time now, we don’t have a social life partly because of my job, when my wife gets really angry about something, she puts the whole blame on me and my wife will regularly say where only together for our daughter, also Even though my wife says she loves me, I know she doesn’t. I love my wife, but are marriage is going nowhere. Should we stay together for are daughter.

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