When It's Dangerous to Stay

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, this post on our Marriage Forum is a must read!
More on Domestic Violence
I think one of the things that will help you through this is to find ways you can leave.

Start doing the reseach now so if you decide to leave you can do this quickly. Start by making the list and adding as you go along. Keep this list at work---never bring any information home. Look into apts., find out what you can or cannot afford. Just because you're looking at apts. doesn't mean you have to rent them. Use your lunch hour to check them out. Start putting away money for rent deposits and phone/utility deposits if needed. Find out who can take care of your cats for a couple days or a week when/if you make this move so they'll be safely out of harms way. Put them into the Animal Shelter if need be---pay for their food/care if they allow it (some do some don't).

Call friends ask them to be on-call to help you make the move quickly. Call about renting a U-haul or movers---how much, how much notice, etc.... If you don't have the finances call your family or your bank and set up a loan---or at least the approval for the loan. Open up a new account for the money to be deposited into. If need be, call your credit card company's, ask for an limit increase. Get a POBox or have your forwarded mail delivered at work. Do all the things it'll take to get out. Then if you need too you're ready and if you don't no big deal because all these things can be done without him knowing.

Make phone calls to shelters for women/children, find out the things you can or cannot do to protect/help the daughter after you've left. Find out what to do to protect yourself through the move. Call child abuse centers---for info only!! Do not give them your husbands name or address! They may feel they have the right to step in no matter the consequences you might face! Just ask them for guidance not interference in any way at this time!

Then when you do make the move always have a witness or two with you (preferrably male and the bigger the better). It'd be nice if one of them has a video camera in case it's needed.

When/if you move do not tell him where you live. Do not give him you new phone number---he can call your cell phone or work place. When/if you move don't take the same way home from work everyday. Switch off---drive opposite ways to make sure you're not being followed. This is a must do for several months!! Make sure your boss and the staff knows what's going on so they have a head's up if he should ever try to call to get info on you and so they're aware that you're personal calls are important (ie; return phone calls on apts. bank, etc... all this stuff should never be done at home).

In other words start doing the things that will empower you rather than leave you feeling like there's no hope or that you're helpless. You're not. There's all kinds of avenues of help or advice out there. Find out who they are and what they offer.

I understand your fear and your worry. Been there. Done that. Give yourself the tools that will enable you to move out of that state of being you're in now. Like I said, if you don't use it, no harm is done, and you've got some background material in case you should change your mind on down the road.

One last word of advice. If you don't do these things----you really need to figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like this. Because bottom line this is about you---not him--not the daughter. This is about your life. "-)