16 and Getting Married
"I'm not going to lecture you (TOO much :)) on the potential problems you could have getting married at such a young age, but I would like to offer you a perspective from my shoes, if you don't mind.
My husband is in the military. He has been a marine for the last 10 years.
He was a marine when I met him, and I knew what I was getting into. We lived together for almost five years (moving in
together at ages 20 and 21, I was in college) before we got married. He left on his first "scary" deployment 3 months after 9/11 and was gone for seven months. We were not married yet, and
it was very difficult.
The first week he was home he proposed to me, I accepted. Three days later we found out he was leaving AGAIN. Talk about heartbreaking. We decided to have a quick wedding. We
wanted to be married just in case... that sounds morbid, but anyone in this kinda situation knows what I mean.
Two days after we married he was gone again, leaving me in the midst of moving, a real
estate closing (with major, major problems), dealing with my own responsibilities as well as his, etc. etc. I had always been the one who paid all of the bills and handled the money (he just sucks at
it, lol) and yet there was SO much more I had to deal with.
I got married when I was 25, and at 27 I'm still not sure how I managed to move 1200 miles away from my family (moved to where he was
stationed) and take care of business as well as I did alone, all the while missing him and being worried about him. I can't imagine doing it at 16 or 17 years old.
While the military
offers fantastic benefits, there is a huge risk to pay to get them. My husband's current contract will be up in 3 years, and I pray every night that he will decide to get out. It is a very stressful
lifestyle, and alot of the time very lonely and very sad....
Like any
potential marriage, you absolutely, positively CANNOT go into a marriage and think, "who knows if we will be together in a year or not" and you don't know what the future holds. You have to go
into a marriage with the intentions of it being for the rest of your life. Being married means that no matter what the future holds, you will be with the same person you committed to.
It's
wonderful to love someone with all of your heart and be completely in love; believe me, I love my husband like crazy. But it's also important for the person that you marry to be your best friend in
the entire world; the person you can depend on who can depend on you NO MATTER WHAT.
I know that not all marriages work out; don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be all high and mighty, I just don't
want to see you go into something thinking "Oh well... whatever happens, happens". If you absolutely need to get married, marry him because you want to be with him "til death do you part". If you go
into it thinking it might end, don't do it.
Finish school... go to college. Every woman should be able to support herself both emotionally and financially, even if she doesn't need to. You need to be able to take care of yourself if the
situation arises. You never want to be in a situation where you are alone, broke and don't know what to do with yourself. I know you said you intended to go to school, and I think that's great.
Just don't get sidelined and not go.
And as a person married to the military (because really, it's not just a job, it is a lifestyle.) I can tell you that it is so important to find your
niche(sp?) and your own interests. I don't have any children, but there is more out there then having a husband and kids. I'm not saying a husband and kids are a bad thing... if you can happily have
both it's wonderful thing, but have something other than that. Have something just for YOU.
Also please remember that the more you mature, the more you change. I'm very different at 27 then I was at 19 when I met my husband. You need to be able to change with the person that you are married
to...
And please, please go into this with wide open eyes. It is possible to be a great wife and still have a life of your own. If someone had told me this before I married,
it would have been a little easier, and that's why I offer it to you. I had to figure that out for myself.. as I'm sure other "marrieds" can agree with, you sometimes feel guilty for having your own
thing that makes you happy; DON'T! To be a complete person, it is necessary..." by nomis7, post #6303.153, Read the entire thread...
More on Teen Marriages
More on Military Marriages
Thank you
im 16 and im completly in love with my guy he’s 18 going military. im gnna marry him in 2 years when im 18 i know that. but im thinking of just marrying him now to prove to him that im all his for the rest of his life no matter what.
Its a great feeling to be in love. However, if he loves you and you truly love him you don’t have to prove to him that you’re all his forever. That should be a given. Youre still young and i ensure you that you will grow very much as a person from now to 18. The next to years can be almost like your trial run. Instead of rushing into something so vital take time. See if things are still the same between you two and if you can deal with him being away so much. Once you are married it makes it a bit difficult to just opt out because you are tired of the lifestyle. It is true, being a Marine wife is a lifestyle. It is a lot of stress and responsibility. It is a decision you have to really think about before you jump the gun. I really hope this has helped you out, at least a little. I have spoke with experience. I am a 24 year old Marine wife, and while i love the lifestyle and my husband very much, at times it is very hard.