19 Signs You're Ready for Marriage, According to Relationship Experts

Here's how to know it's time to take the next step.

couple

Unsplash / Design by Michela Buttignol

The dating game can be tough, so when you meet someone and you simply click, it's no surprise that you'd want to commit to a lifetime together. Unfortunately, a relationship going well isn't the one and only indicator that you're ready for marriage—and it's not right to simply say, "I want to get married" and proceed to force your partner and your relationship into boxes they simply don't fit into (or aren't ready for). So, how can you know if you really are ready? If you had a crystal ball—and you believed that it would work—you’d gaze into its depths and ask but one question: "Should I get married?"

Determining whether or not you’re ready for marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. To help, we spoke to relationship expert Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, and Robert Riordan, JD, PsyD, an attorney and couples therapist, to learn the 19 signs that you’re truly ready to tie the knot. 

Meet the Expert

  • Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, is the clinical director of Well Beings Counseling. She is a registered counselor with the BCACC.
  • Dr. Robert Riordan, JD, PsyD, is an attorney and clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He has a private practice in New York City and Connecticut and is the founder of Blueprint, an immersive couples therapy retreat that welcomes duos preparing themselves for marriage.
ready for marriage

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How to Know You're Ready to Get Married

01 of 19

You truly know each other.

"You each genuinely see the other for who they are, and you each have accepted them as they are now, not for who you hope they will become in the future. If you’re looking to change something fundamental about your partner, that’s a red flag," says Dr. Riordan. Truly knowing your partner also means that "you are completely aware of each other’s strengths and challenges," he adds. "You have each opened up and shared your inner life with the other, and you have each created space to listen deeply to—and to accept fully—the good and the not-so-good."

02 of 19

You trust your partner.

The ability to trust one another is the foundation of any successful relationship. Without it, you may have love, but your marriage will be fraught with tension. "This is so significant," explains Sehat. "Think of any healthy relationship in your life, from significant other to a business partnership. Is there trust there?"

03 of 19

Your goals align.

Our lives rarely follow one straight road —they wind and twist and turn. Do you know where you’re headed? And, more importantly, have you had the talk with your partner? "It's hard to be on the same page when you’re moving in different directions," says Sehat. "You don’t need to have the same goals but if you can support each other for the benefit of the relationship then you're in a good place. Being open and honest about this from the beginning can avoid a lot of frustration down the road." 

04 of 19

You don't have any assumptions about those goals.

You can't just assume your goals align because you discussed something in passing years ago—constant communication about major life decisions, from how many children you want (if any) to where you ultimately want to live, should be frequent and ongoing. "You have clearly and directly addressed together any and all of the assumptions that you both hold about your future life together—and you are on the same page about any issues that could threaten your future stability as a couple," says Dr. Riordan. "Before discussing marriage, you both need to clearly understand the other’s position on foundational topics like children, finances, or religion, and you can’t be afraid of having deep and detailed conversations about these issues."

05 of 19

You feel safe with them.

Feeling safe and secure in the relationship will save you years of heartache when you’re married. "The foundation of this starts with lack of judgment," says Sehat. "Can you be yourself around this individual? If you are trying your best to be someone else, I would encourage you to imagine what that would feel like for years to come. The influence on your self-esteem and anxiety this could produce."

06 of 19

You have seen hard times.

Chances are, you will face some stumbling blocks in life, so it's important to consider whether or not you and your partner are prepared to battle them hand-in-hand. "Yes, unproblematic love and joy in a relationship can be a beautiful thing," says Sehat. "However, tackling a difficult goal together can build so much strength and trust in a marriage."

07 of 19

You want a marriage not a wedding.

If you’re dreaming of walking down the aisle and sharing those vows, do you ever picture what happens next? The wedding is a celebration, however, your marriage needs to be strong enough to last a lifetime. "Can you see a future with this person past your wedding date?" asks Sehat. "Do you imagine growing old with them?" Be completely honest with yourself here.  

08 of 19

Your family likes your partner.

Introducing a new partner to your family is a huge step. While you don’t want to base your decision on what your family thinks, their opinions may sway whether you marry. "Although we have no control over this factor, it can be very important," says Sehat. "Your family's acceptance of your partner can help facilitate the most healthy version of your marriage. It often takes time to get there. Be patient, they are building trust too!"

09 of 19

You've shared a good laugh in the past week.

Humor in a relationship is so important, says Dr. Riordan. "Despite your best planning, all couples will experience adversity. You might hit a small challenge like a meddlesome relative, or something larger like unemployment, but you’ll need to be able to stand with your partner in the face of every absurdity that life will inevitably throw at you," he shares. "A sense of humor in the face of adversity will keep you united."

10 of 19

You like your partner.

"This may seem like an obvious point, so let’s clarify," says Sehat. Like and love are not the same. You can be entirely infatuated with someone, but that doesn’t mean anything if you don’t like and respect them. "We have established that you love them but do you like who they are?" she asks. "Do you admire them? Do you enjoy their company?" Take a step back and really think about these questions. 

11 of 19

You can afford to get married.

Saying "I do" is not cheap. "A wedding is most likely your first significant endeavor as a couple," explains Sehat. "If you can’t afford the wedding of your dreams right now, take some time to save for this and avoid financial strain right off the bat."

12 of 19

You talk openly about the future.

Where do you see things heading, honestly? "Are you open to having conversations with your partner about the future?" asks Sehat. "If you are, it means that you see them as a part of that future. It also shows that you’re not afraid to spend your life with them and are ready for marriage."

13 of 19

You like who you are around them.

Notice how you act and feel when you are around your partner. Is it a version of yourself that you like? "A compatible partner can bring out the best in you," says Sehat. "They push you to become a better version of yourself and can encourage a positive outlook on life."

14 of 19

You both put effort into the relationship.

Are you playing a one-sided game of table tennis? If you’re putting all the work in and getting little in return, you might want to put a hold on the wedding bells. "A successful marriage is never one-sided," says Sehat. "When both parties are willing to put in the work, it is a good sign that you are ready for marriage."

15 of 19

You have your own lives.

The best relationships are the ones in which partners can move apart and come back together again. "Marriage is not about losing your individuality," advises Sehat. "You can pursue your own interests, have your own hobbies, have your own friends, and you can have a healthy marriage." 

16 of 19

You can talk about finances.

Money is always a big issue. "Probably the least romantic, but most important point," says Sehat. "Both you and your partner should be comfortable discussing finances and coming up with a suitable budget, not just for the wedding but for your life. This shows that you’re ready to manage a household and a marriage." It may not be comfortable, but sit down and talk about this pronto. 

17 of 19

You’re doing it for the right reasons.

Before you pop the question, check in with yourself. What is motivating this decision? "Sadly, the most obvious and common reasons are not exactly motivated by the nicest things," says Sehat. "Acquiring wealth, unplanned pregnancies, immigration, or even justification of your commitment after a big mistake." 

18 of 19

You’re in it for the long haul.

Do you see this relationship lasting a lifetime? "Deep and instantaneous infatuation, or a pleasant obsession, is often confused for love," says Sehat. "You may find yourself trying to beat the clock with this fading flame. Marrying quickly may be a desperate act to hold onto this intoxicating feeling."

19 of 19

You can't imagine your life without them in it.

In short, you have stopped searching. "Yes, there may be people in the world who are richer, smarter, funnier, and more attractive than your partner, but you don’t care!" says Dr. Riordan. "You have found your person and you want to take this life journey with no one else. The idea of living without your partner immediately hurts your heart, and you are confident that your future life together will be richer in every way."

How to Start Talking About Marriage When You're Ready

So, you can officially say, "I want to get married." The marriage conversation is one of the most important discussions that you will ever have as a couple, so you should treat it that way, says Dr. Riordan. Here are a few of his best tips for broaching the subject.

Choose the right time.

"Don’t have this discussion late at night, in the middle of a heated argument, or when you only have a few minutes," says Dr. Riordan. "Set up a specific time to talk with your partner when you both have the focused attention to discuss a positive matter close to your heart."

Be clear about what you want.

During your discussion, speak clearly. "Don’t be coy, vague, or passive aggressive," Dr. Riordan shares. "Make your wishes clear, and never apologize for making something this important a priority that requires your partner’s time and full attention."

Practice active listening.

This conversation requires you to actively listen to your partner—and manage your disappointment if they don't feel the same way or share that they have actionable needs that need to be addressed before you take the next step. "If you two agree that marriage is in your future, don’t let the conversation end until you have a clear understanding of your partner’s specific needs. Responses like 'I need more time,' or 'We don’t have enough money' are unhelpful and overly vague," Dr. Riordan says. "However, if you can end the conversation with a specific timeframe to, for instance, save a concrete amount of money, you’re in good shape. Make sure that you end your conversation with an action plan that you both feel good about."

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What Not to Say When Discussing Marriage

Don’t play the comparison game.

"Don't compare your relationship to other parties and how they have handled their commitment— complaining that 'John proposed to Amanda after only six months' won’t get you anywhere!" explains Dr. Riordan. "This conversation is about your relationship. Only the opinions of the parties in this union should have any weight."

In that vein, try not to bring up anyone else's opinion during your conversation. “'My sister thinks you should have already proposed' will only make your partner defensive," adds Dr. Riordan.

Don't give any ultimatums.

If you issue an ultimatum, you probably aren't ready for marriage—doing so goes against the practice of meeting your partner where they are, which is a pretty important tenet of a union. "If your partner is not ready and willing to make a commitment, instead of issuing a demand, focus on discussing the impediments to a commitment together and how best to address them as a team," offers Dr. Riordan.

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