Improve Your Health by Forgiving Your Spouse

I agree 100%. Forgiveness is more for the forgiver then for the forgivee. We need to forgive so that we we can move on with our own personal growth and development.

Every grudge one holds is like adding bricks to a wagon that we pull behind us. It makes going up and down the hills of life much harder than it needs to be. Thanks for posting this article!

20 years together 18 married. Because of never forgiving my wife has an empty soul towards me. I attempted everything from leaving messages and helpful books around (ones I read myself). I tried talking we gave a small effort to a therapist which after two visits told her and I that the only thing she could do is help us sperate what kind of help is that. My wife is empty inside and is bitter cold hurt full of resentment towards me and she does not identify with any of those feelings which she portraies on a constant basis to me. She has told me She cant even look at me the thought of touching her makes her sick…She has completely closed herself off. This is either she has a new man(which I suspect). The other is she does not but just has so much built up inside against me that she only wants to hurt me the only way she knows how (verbal). For my marriage it is too late and it is all over. I am sad and very hurt. I dont hate her, nor do I resent her. I still do love my wife and I will until 23 July 2008 when she and the lawyer file for the divorce. I will remain true until that day. I only have loved her if she could only see the mistakes we both made get beyond the past and step forward into the future with our family and with some help we could find our passion and intimacy again. The love never goes unless you choose to let it go. I so asked her to seek help to read but her friends are the only help she has sought (the last place you should look for such serious help). I hope this helps anyone that is having problems to know you need to GET HELP before its too late…once you are no longer having sex on a regular basis or having too many verbal arguments about small things..or even if you are like my wife and I are (or were) living together like best friends getting along great…just no more sex….both too stubborn to get over our egos to reach out or talk about it…instead we just pulled back even more from each other…without intimacy you have nothing or you will loose everything…seek help now but talk about what you are feeling is missing and see if your partner isnt feeling the same and get help together….dont end up like me. Alone, a broken man. I identified myself with my wife and family, now I am nothing. -lost

Kathleen, I forgive you and those you used against ME. Please forgive yourself.

He cheated on me with a girl that worked in our convenience store. In the back room. She must have felt so pretty and so special. She even knew he was married with a brand new baby. We were married for 20 years, have been divorced for 4 and have just reconciled and remarried, and guess who called his number? How do I get this out of my head????????

marriage is made of great forgivers.

I am in the same situation. Not only did he cheat on me, he had the ordasity to lie about it, not only once but thrice to my face. He also made me look like a complete idiot and made me feel guilty for accusing him in the first place. One day out of the blue i asked him if he would ever lie to protect me, and for the life of him, he could not answer. i answered for him. I then took the stand of shoving the cheating evidence in his face and wrote him a long letter of all the times i looked the other way cos i love him so much. how i put him first before me and how his happiness meant so much to me. I carried him on a pedastal and so he did me but he always had a way of talking my head over. well no more. i left my rings alone with the letter and asked him to leave the keys or else i’ll be foced to call the locksmith. I wrote how much he hurt me and what a dissapointment he was. I gave my all to this relationship, just to be walked over and treated like this. I did not deserve this. what did i do wrong to get treated like this. why is this happening to me? After sitting a while and rereading the letter, I couldnt just throw it all away. i was focusing on the good times we were togather. How amazing it was and i wrote to tell him that this is not what i want. i did not want him to leave. I want to work this out with him cos that is how much i love him. Even now when writing this, i’m crying, i will allways cry when theis comes up. life does not only consist of good times, there are bad times too but its up to you to work thru it. If i can, i’m sure anyone can if they willing to put their mind to it.

to forgive is easy but to forget is really a hard thing to do. i have forgiven my husband for what he has done, however, no matter how i tried to avoid thinking what he has made against me, the more i feel angry…

to forgive is much easier than forgetting what my husband has made against me especially that it is about his ex…

FOrgiveness is so hard!! My ex-husband was physically, verbaly and emotionally abusive – I finally left because it was too hard on our 3 children seeing this everyday. Now he and his parents are talking about me all over town. My ex admitted to the pastor his actions toward me but now he is saying I made it all up. Now there is a live-in girlfriend – she refuse to acknowledge me even whil holding my 2yr. This tears me up. HOw do I let go and forgive all of them?

I wanted to pass along a comment made to me a long time ago. Let me preface it with this…even though I pass it along, I have a hard time doing it myself, nevertheless, it has sometimes been helpful. Forgiving is not the act of forgetting. It is to stop blaming the other person for how you feel today. I hope this helps.

I know the importance of forgivness. I had a difficult childhood with an emotionally and verbally abusive mother whom I have, through the help of much therapy, forgiven. But now it seems I married a man just like her. I find myself forgiving him for the same offenses over and over again, almost weekly. Where do you draw the line? When is it time to forgive AND walk away? We’ve only been married less than a year and I’m miserable, he blind sides me and I cry so often.

My husband of 30 years had a golfing holiday with his golf buddies, when he got back as soon as I seen him i realised something was different. One of his chums approached me at work and told me he had a holiday fling & was still texting and calling her. When I comfronted him he cannot give me any reason why only to say that the opportunity was there so he took it. I feel so betrayed by him & his chums who have known us for years they have watched our children grow up and most of them were at our daughters wedding.But when it came to it not one of them could have said to him that it was a golfing trip not a marraige break up trip. I feel so lost and lonely it is as if the fella I always thought of as a soul mate was quite happy to destroy 30 years of marraige for some two bit tart on holiday.

People say its good to forgive but its not easy. I dont think I can ever forgive my husband for what he has done to me, but I really wish I could because its taking over my life and making me angry bitter person. How can you forgive someone who you gave your entire heart to and thought he would never hurt you. I hope and pray that counseling can help because I dont know whats left.

Hi Iris,
The fact that you are in counseling is a good sign that you will be able to move beyond the hurt, anger, and bitterness that you feel. I don’t know the timeframe of when you first felt the betrayal from your husband, but for me, it took several years before I could honestly look back at that time in our lives and say the pain was gone.

Be good to yourself.

I have been married going on 4 years but I have been with this person for 9 years in total. I have worked my but off during our entire relationship and i am always the person giving more. I stood by him when He lost his jobs and then he got sick and had a stoke. Some people told me that I did not have to stay with him, I should move on. I have built up such a hatred for him, I want to hurt him for not being more humble, loving and grateful to me for all that I have done for him. He is moody, cranky and his not very loving anymore. It seems like he doesnt have to give anymore in this relationship. He doesnt like to go out and do this for our relationship, he thinks we should just be. I feel like I am standing still in this relationship. I taking a class for myself and I do things by myself alot of times or with my friends or family. How do I forgive and go on like nothing is going on?

I found out that my husband had a 3 month affair while on tour in IRAQ. And then a one night stand with someone else a month before coming home from duty. The whole time he was gone, I had my suspicions and of course asked him when it bothered me or was on my mind. The answers were the same, he didn’t cheat. He reassured me that we were ok and not to worry. I believe him when he did. My friends who’s been on tours told me that people sleep around all the time. wo years after his return home from duty, I found out on my own that the affairs did happen. When I confronted him about it, he confirmed that it was true. I felt as if I was drowning, as if someone holding me under water. I felt like I was suffocating. My chest hurt, my stomach turned and my head filled with anger, hate and rage. At the time of his infidelities, we were married for 5 years, together for 11. We have two children, both under 10 years old. Its been six months since I found out and find it very difficult to forgive him and move on. I cant even say that I’m trying to because I think about it all the time. Everything reminds me of what he’s done. Music, movies, people around us who’s doing the same thing. I get aggrevated and turn my anger back on him. How do I learn to forgive and trust. He tells me that he loves me. And all he wants is the family that we have and to move on with our lives together. But sometimes, I don’t even know if thats what I want anymore. I can’t even say if I feel the same way about him. I can’t even say the words “I love you.” It feels like a foreign language to me. I remember about a month ago when I actually said it, and felt so disgusted with myself, because it wasn’t how I really felt about him. I thought I did, I had no love in me for him. He knew it too and it hurt him. I felt dirty and after hearing myself say it to him, brought back all the images of why I haven’t said it to him all this time. I’ve been reading a lot of “advice” articles to help me through this time, and I tell myself, “ok today is the day that I will try to move on.” But it doesn’t happen. I think I need help. I think I need to see someone to get me through this.

Hi Christine,
You mentioned in your post that you don’t think you are even trying to forgive your husband because you think about his unfaithfulness all the time. If you can’t stop thinking about this aspect of your marriage, the forgiveness will never happen. I do encourage you to see a counselor to help you work through your anger and hurt. Hanging on to this is not only hurting your marriage, it is not healthy for you and not good for your kids.

I read the comments here and I don’t know whether they make sense, about forgiveness. My husband has cheated on me and I just can’t imagine forgiving him! We’ve been married for just over one year, this is too early to cheat on me. I wonder what is in store for me, am only 30, how many more years of misery are ahead of me with this man?

Hi christine, i actually start crying as i read your story. I have been in the same place as everybody here, and i keep trying to forgive but i can never forget. It’s easy for people to say “just leave”, but its not always that easy. You have this history with this person and you keep thinking maybe you can work it out. And why do the men always make you feel like its justified what they did. I know women do it to, but i just keep thinking, “why don’t men have the balls and just say to their partner/wife thats it ,it’s over”, because they want their cake and eat it to. i have no solution, just remember that whatever happens, the most important thing is your happiness.

Dear Christine

I have been married for 4 years now. My husband cheat me with the same woman he was working with for 5 years before we got married. He was cheating before our wedding. Before our wedding the affair got suspended I hear. However a few weeks after our wedding it resumed for 2 months or so. Then finally I got the evidence when I had 2 children with him. How do I forgive a man I dont know throughout our relationship he was cheating me its hard. His mother and his brothers hate me no matter what I do I dont even have the support his friends looked on as he did this. How do I forgive. I hate him and all his people he is in the army I have to stay in a barracks and be a laughing stock.

Thanks for the Quotes on forgiveness, Ive been Married now for 6yrs but the last 2years have been the hardest for the both of us. I love my Wife Veronica to death and willing to learn and listen to make our Marriage last forever.I know Couples have problems in their Marriage,but dont let petty things break up what you are trying to achieve for a lifetime of joy and happiness with your spouse….Thank you for everything that was said in the comments……Roger

All I want to do is be able to forgive my wife and the man she had an affair with. She is currently going to counseling to deal with her issues from the past that helped cause the affair. I have also gone with her on a few occasions to discuss the situation.
Almost 6 months later and I still think about it from time to time. I have good weeks and some bad weeks where I dwell on it too much. I have been working hard on changing my thoughts when it does pop into my head, but it doesn’t necessarily work all of the time.
Things have been much easier the past few months, as opposed to the complete devastation I felt the first couple of months.
What I want though is complete forgiveness and the ability to trust her again. I am told that I am handling this very well and doing everything that I am supposed to be doing, but that it will take time. I wish I knew how much time this normally takes, because some days I think it will be easier just starting a new life with someone I could trust.
Starting over almost seems easier since I know I wouldn’t have a problem meeting other great women and we don’t have children together. Sometimes I get angry thinking about all the opportunities I have passed on cheating on my wife, just so she can crush my heart. I still get omen telling “Oh I wish you were single…” or something to that effect.

my wife had an affair very brief hooked up 2 times. she said she didn’t want sex but the creep said if she didn’t have sex he would hook up with someone else. I wasn’t giving her the attention and emotional support she needed. she thought we were headed for divorce. she has told me everyting and has not had any contact. she is truly sorry. its been 8 months and I still am haunted by it. can anyone offer anyting?

I am going throught the same hurt. I am with my wife for 14 years. Less than a month ago I found out when we were first married that she had an 8 month affair with her boss. After confronting her, I realized I had to forgive her. I couldn’t stay mad at the woman I love so much. Three days after i confronted her, she left a planned outing with her out of state sister to meet 3 hours away and stay over night at a hotel. After a couple of calls that evening, I found that whe was having another affair with a new man. This man was a close friend of hers from work. I confronted her again, and for love, forgave her again. My only stipulation was that she never spoke to her friend again. She took it hard, because she doesn’t have friends, and I asked her to give up the one she had. A week later she seemed to be coming out of her “mood”, I was more than elated, but something told me that all was not right. I went to work and told her I would be out all day. I drove to the next neighborhood, and walked back to spy on her. It was the most stupid thing I ever did. I heard her on the phone with this guy, talking about the sex they had and that she had “deep” feeling for him. She said that by not bring him up to me, she was throwing me off the track. I will not go into more details than that, but, just say that every word she spoke, crushed me a little more. I came home that evening, and made a light excuse that I might have to talk to him about business. A look of terror came over her face. I dropped it, and waited. That evening, while I was on the computer, she went into the bedroom and locked the door. I listened and heard her talking to him again saying that I was in the next room and she had to be careful. Since then, all has come out, and to tell the truth, I have prayed for god to take me. The unfortunate part is when men cheat, its generally just sex, women generally have feeling involved.
My problem is that I know that she will never leave me, but, she has admitted that she loves him. So how can I ever cope with that? I was expecting the movie version of this situation… Please honey, I made a big mistake! Please don’t leave me… Well that didn’t happen… Isn’t the cheater supposed to have remorse and try to work things out? I started to show more affection to her, and she said that I am smothering her. I tried to understand what drove her to him, and I understand that life pressures have closed me up. I still don’t think I’m a bad husband, and I don’t know what I have done in life to deserve this. We made love last night, and afterwards, lying next to each other naked, I didn’t hear sweet nothings, she asked me not to be mad at him… Now he’s invading my bedroom! Please don’t make snap judgments about my wife, she is a great girl, with alot of love in her heart. She just has issues inside her, and is searching in the wrong places to fix them.
My question is; I can get past the visualation of the sex acts she spoke to him about, but, How do I fix the trust issue?. How do I know that she won’t continue? She has said that she wants to regain my trust, and will not pursue him. WHY DOES THE WRONGED PARTY HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THAT CONTAINS HIS 2 BABY BOYS?
I must appologise to the people who are reading this, I’m sure its not making sense and I’m all over the place. Its 5am and I havn’t slept for 3 weeks.

…I guess the only plus is that I lost 15 pounds by not sleeping.

I can imagine what u r going thru. for me my situation was like the movie version except the movie doesn’t go into the hard work that needs to be done. for u unfortunately u have a multiple offender that is not taking ownership of her offenses. when my wife told me I grabbed the kids and took off to see if she would contact him she didn’t she pleaded to see me. ahe (and perhaps u) have some very serious isues. I auggest u draw a line and insist no more contaact with the creep and both of u get into counseling. good luck my friend

Don’t get me wrong. I live in a place with plenty of women and I’m not bad looking. I only have 2 problems… I was brought up in a time where men were supposed to stand with their families at all costs, and my love for my wife is so strong, that even after all this, i can picture growing old with her. I told her that she can’t help what her heart feels, and I can forgive the sex, but I can’t share her love. To date, even after she said she wants us to stay together, she still doesn’t originate affection. I told her that the only way we will survive is to put the past, in the past.
Does anyone believe in boundless love anymore? How can I forgive, and she not be focused on affection for me?

boundless love is fine as long as its with your spouse I think you may be in a bit of denial. she needs commit to you and figure out what is driving her to do these things or she will continue to do it

She has now since committed, probably after realizing that she really didn’t want a long term thing with the other guy. She has admitted that she has cheated on every boyfriend in the past, and me twice in 15 years together, and doesn’t know what causes her to do it. Even though I am still partly wearing blinders, I am hopefully optimistic. Her realizing that she has a problem, is half of solution to getting things fixed. Therapy will start soon, and, we will probably be on our way toward our new life together.

Thanks for your comments.. Sometimes you need a third party to help you think…

my pleasure. good luck.

I would love to hear from a woman who has been in a situation like mine so I could understand better what was going thru her mind.

any suggestions on where I find communicate with someone on the above?

Forgiveness is beyond difficult when you have a complex history of ups and downs and abuses. When I started dating my future husband 6 1/2 years ago, I was a naive high school girl with no experience what so ever in sex, communication skills, talking about and showing how I feel, etc. I didn’t even argue with him till we had dated for over a year! I always took the passive route afraid I’d scare him away and I’d be alone and unwanted (my biggest fear in life). He was jealous, controlling, had the worst temper, and the honeymoon periods was all it took to lure me back in to stay. He had good qualities for a long term relationship; driven, ambitious, did what he said he would do, and most importantly for me, was patient with my lack of experience of anything sexually related (even kissing!) and my self-consciousness. I loved him to death and would do anything for him, something he showed in return sometimes, but not when I needed it most. He was never my friend, threatened me so I stopped talking to all my guy friends, his temper would flare up and he would blame me for everything, everything was my fault including my depression (which is genetic apparently), and every fight we ever had. I just never said or did anything right. I still ended up marrying him 2 days before he left to Iraq. It was easier to endure his abuses then walk away. His deployment was the worst experience of my life so far. He became so verbally abusive, I cried every day for almost the entire year he was gone. I lost my love for him for almost a year after he came home feeling completely dead inside. We worked on our marriage when he came back by moving out of my parents house when we both got promoted, enjoyed our increase in income, and did as much together and in couples groups as possible. It was fun, but we still fought terribly after or before those outings, sometimes both. I grew depressed from problems at work, at home, and that his new habit of going out every night till 4am up to 4 times a week. I’d ask him to just go out less, come home earlier, or sometimes just stay home with me, his wife who he keeps leaving for deployments, friends, and leaving alone constantly. He fought me on it non-stop telling me I was asleep anyway so it didn’t matter if he went out. Granted he told me who/what/when/where he was going, but I wanted a husband who would comfort me, listen to me when I had a bad day, not run out on me every time or say it was all my fault. I suggested counseling, couples weekend workshops, anything! but we did nothing but fight and it just got worse. We screamed so loud sometimes I’m still shocked our neighbors didn’t complain (they were apartments). He cursed at me always and made fun of me if I cried. I fought back by getting sarcastic and anything I could think of that would be hurtful hoping he’d listen to something I said as insults always get one’s attention. Amazingly, we still had sex once a week at the least. I finally had enough and told him I wanted to be separated and stayed at my parents house for 4 days before he convinced me to come home. We started counseling and have been doing it for about a year now. He’s deployed again currently and has 6 months of his year left. He’s made many changes, we communicate better, we don’t curse at each other or scream anymore. Neither of us have cheated, that I know of, and he’s slowly becoming more of a friend. I’m no angel in all this, I lied to him for a while about who I went out with because he was so jealous just to avoid the arguements but still keep my sanity and a social life. I worked with all males up to 60hrs/wk, that was the industry, how is it my fault? And now I’m hanging out more with some guy friends I dropped years ago for fear of my husbands jealousies, even though he didn’t do the same. Now even he admits in his own words that he was an abusive dick for years. I’m trying to forgive him and move on but no matter the progress I get when I jump back whole hearted into “us”,i fall back into a rut when he gets his controlling attitude. I don’t trust his decisions, I’m still afraid he’ll hurt me again, we’re fighting more, and I can’t help but pull away and disconnect. All i can think about right now is how much I have also changed and grown and might be better off starting over on my own. But looking back at all that history? How I have molded myself around our lives? Changed my career goals to what would fit us? He still says “no” to everything I say I want to do that costs money, even if we can afford it without a problem! I’ve tried so hard to move on and be happy, but after our recent arguments fall back to how much it still hurts and how much I don’t trust him and i don’t care anymore that he doesn’t trust me. I’m tired of being hurt and being alone. I know now that it was wrong to expect him to change and wait for him to do so and I’m lucky that it happened at all. But I fear that it happened too late for me. I do love him still, it just gets covered up. What can I do? I still see the counselor on my own and with him when he’s home on leave. We talk every day. I just can’t let go. He’s held me back for so long and I’ve let him. Do I stay and still try?

Forgiveness is beyond difficult when you have a complex history of ups and downs and abuses. When I started dating my future husband 6 1/2 years ago, I was a naive high school girl with no experience what so ever in sex, communication skills, talking about and showing how I feel, etc. I didn’t even argue with him till we had dated for over a year! I always took the passive route afraid I’d scare him away and I’d be alone and unwanted (my biggest fear in life). He was jealous, controlling, had the worst temper, and the honeymoon periods was all it took to lure me back in to stay. He had good qualities for a long term relationship; driven, ambitious, did what he said he would do, and most importantly for me, was patient with my lack of experience of anything sexually related (even kissing!) and my self-consciousness. I loved him to death and would do anything for him, something he showed in return sometimes, but not when I needed it most. He was never my friend, threatened me so I stopped talking to all my guy friends, his temper would flare up and he would blame me for everything, everything was my fault including my depression (which is genetic apparently), and every fight we ever had. I just never said or did anything right. I still ended up marrying him 2 days before he left to Iraq. It was easier to endure his abuses then walk away. His deployment was the worst experience of my life so far. He became so verbally abusive, I cried every day for almost the entire year he was gone. I lost my love for him for almost a year after he came home feeling completely dead inside. We worked on our marriage when he came back by moving out of my parents house when we both got promoted, enjoyed our increase in income, and did as much together and in couples groups as possible. It was fun, but we still fought terribly after or before those outings, sometimes both. I grew depressed from problems at work, at home, and that his new habit of going out every night till 4am up to 4 times a week. I’d ask him to just go out less, come home earlier, or sometimes just stay home with me, his wife who he keeps leaving for deployments, friends, and leaving alone constantly. He fought me on it non-stop telling me I was asleep anyway so it didn’t matter if he went out. Granted he told me who/what/when/where he was going, but I wanted a husband who would comfort me, listen to me when I had a bad day, not run out on me every time or say it was all my fault. I suggested counseling, couples weekend workshops, anything! but we did nothing but fight and it just got worse. We screamed so loud sometimes I’m still shocked our neighbors didn’t complain (they were apartments). He cursed at me always and made fun of me if I cried. I fought back by getting sarcastic and anything I could think of that would be hurtful hoping he’d listen to something I said as insults always get one’s attention. Amazingly, we still had sex once a week at the least. I finally had enough and told him I wanted to be separated and stayed at my parents house for 4 days before he convinced me to come home. We started counseling and have been doing it for about a year now. He’s deployed again currently and has 6 months of his year left. He’s made many changes, we communicate better, we don’t curse at each other or scream anymore. Neither of us have cheated, that I know of, and he’s slowly becoming more of a friend. I’m no angel in all this, I lied to him for a while about who I went out with because he was so jealous just to avoid the arguements but still keep my sanity and a social life. I worked with all males up to 60hrs/wk, that was the industry, how is it my fault? And now I’m hanging out more with some guy friends I dropped years ago for fear of my husbands jealousies, even though he didn’t do the same. Now even he admits in his own words that he was an abusive dick for years. I’m trying to forgive him and move on but no matter the progress I get when I jump back whole hearted into “us”,i fall back into a rut when he gets his controlling attitude. I don’t trust his decisions, I’m still afraid he’ll hurt me again, we’re fighting more, and I can’t help but pull away and disconnect. All i can think about right now is how much I have also changed and grown and might be better off starting over on my own. But looking back at all that history? How I have molded myself around our lives? Changed my career goals to what would fit us? He still says “no” to everything I say I want to do that costs money, even if we can afford it without a problem! I’ve tried so hard to move on and be happy, but after our recent arguments fall back to how much it still hurts and how much I don’t trust him and i don’t care anymore that he doesn’t trust me. I’m tired of being hurt and being alone. I know now that it was wrong to expect him to change and wait for him to do so and I’m lucky that it happened at all. But I fear that it happened too late for me. I do love him still, it just gets covered up. What can I do? I still see the counselor on my own and with him when he’s home on leave. We talk every day. I just can’t let go. He’s held me back for so long and I’ve let him. Do I stay and still try? We’ve been together for 6 1/2 yrs.

mae – you need to make some decisions. i’ll offer a suggestion if you like?

I have been cheated on months within my marriage, to a guy I thought was great, and honest. I found out he was seeing a girl who has children who0 worked with my mom, and he was doing drugs behind my back. I should probably mention Im 21 got married when I was 18, he is six years older then I. Everytime he lies, he oputs me down by saying everytime he messes up its my fault. Things get physical and verbally abusive alot. He recently has gone to jail for me and now has a family violence charge, he has a lawyer, and I dont know what to do. I do not know if I want to try any longer. We have been in couseling for over a month, and yet when he gets mad he goes against everything we are trying to learn in counseling. I dont know I dont know what to do……

A lot of people here are giving comments about how they have forgiven or wish to be able to forgive their spouse.
My comment here will be the opposite. I left my boyfriend whom I had been dating for about 7 years. I told him I had enough of this relationship just 4 days before going back home from studying abroad and I expressed it by means of chatting. Yes, I admit it’s a very cowardly and ungentle way, particularly since I didn’t really talk it over first with him.
This is the very part why he hasn’t forgiven me until today. And I realise that it takes time to forgive and accept this bitter truth that we’re not together anymore and I have treated him unfairly, especially since he had high expectations on me.
I left him not because I met another guy. I did it because I felt that it was a very tiring relationship. It was very hard for me to be open to him because he can be very sensitive and I felt that he tends to get emotional. He was dominant and I was passive. Sometimes I didn’t get to say what I wanted to express just to protect his feelings. It was hard for me to be myself when I was with him. I felt that often he was unable to make me relax and comfortable enough to be open, at the same time I didn’t have enough courage to communicate effectively. I was too afraid to hurt his feelings.
I kept bottling up my feelings, until I felt that this relationship was not as healthy as it should’ve been anymore. My mind and heart are tired. I needed to rest myself.
Since the day I left him, which is just 1-and-a-half months ago, he sometimes still calls me just to express his disappointment, anger and sadness. My decision remains the same but yet I still pick up the phone and listen to everything he wants to say. It’s tiring but this is one of consequences I have to deal with.
I guess as long as he hasn’t accepted this situation, this will go on and on. He will keep seeking for explanations and answers (which I have actually given). He will keep on asking why I did this to him and what he has done wrong that I’ve treated him like this.
Thousands of times I’ve asked for his forgiveness but I know that won’t be enough to cure his pain.
I wish one day he would forgive me.

I feel everyone on this posts pain! My husband has had two affairs with the same woman. He confessed last year and we started counseling. After a month the counselor released us stating we were great! He started seeing her again two months later. He saw her for approximately nine months before I started suspecting something was wrong. I confronted him and he denied it. After a lot of stress and tears he finally confessed AGAIN! I kicked him out because I know in my heart I had done all I could, and who wants to be with someone who doesn’t love them. Not me. After 3 days he wanted to come home. I told him yes but that we would start counseling immediatly and that I would not let him come home if he didn’t cut all ties, allow me to check his phone, email etc. when I wanted to. This was and is the only way you can gain trust back. We have both done everything our counselor has told us to because we want to save this marriage. He allows me to question him, the pain is there but he is so kind and loving now that he allows me to feel and we are moving on together. If you want to forgive your spouse, you have to read the book Forgive For Good and Forgive for Love by Fred Luskin. These books have saved my life!! You are told to forgive, but do you really know how? These books teach you how. You are not going to forget the things that happened but that doesn’t mean you can’t forgive. You can move on with your life with or without the person who has hurt you. You deserve to live your life with peace in your heart, not anger and jealous rage!! I suggest you get these books, buy them on Amazon. Save your marriage and save your life!!!!

My husband worked in a small town.My children and I moved to this town to be with him.Eversince my arrival I received numerous messages on my phone about my husband,s affair.I realy ignored it because my husband never in my married life gave me that feeling or idea that he would or could have an affair with another person.A picture was sent of him and his lover,I was devestated,shocked, numb and more.We did not go for counseling but was forced to sit down and realy spoke about what happened and why.I am still staying with him and face this woman on a daily basis.I am trappped!

I read all these comments n really felt the pain of ur hearts. Although I am the cheater my heart hurts too. More for my husband of 11 years. I can tell u why I cheated.over the course of our marriage I have asked, begged n even cried for more attention from my hubby. He would do good for a week then go back to hoqw it was. I even asked for romance n passion in the bedroom, but his excuse was “its kinda hard to do since u r home before me”.he goes out 2-3 times with buddies n he sometimes asks me 2 go, but that gets old n that is not the quality time I want with him. I felt myself resenting him. I wasn’t lookin to cheat, just wanted a companion, a friend to just talk n laugh, etc..but it got out of my control. My husbands sex drive was very low too. This made me feel ugly, etc..I was lookin for attention n to feel desired again. But the guilt got me cuz I never in my life have ever done this before. I confessed to my hubby n it was the hardest thing I ever done! He asked me if I could forgive him of something like that, I said yes. He said I believe u and that’s why I can forgive u. So far its been pretty good but its going to take time. I believe we will make it through n be better than we were.

Honey I forgive and you know how much i love you.