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Sheri & Bob Stritof

Sabotage From Within

By October 15, 2009

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While there is a lot of talk in the news about how the institution of marriage is under attack, we think the real sabotage to marriages comes from within when a spouse says one thing and does another, breaks promises, criticizes and undermines the other, is forgetful on purpose, etc.

I saw a couple in the grocery store today and couldn't believe the way she was talking to him -- so many put downs and insults. That type of sabotage can kill a marriage.

It's not easy, but you can try to save your marriage from sabotage by recognizing the sabotage and not making excuses for your spouse's negative behavior.

Be honest and tell your spouse that the sabotage needs to stop. If it doesn't, then seek professional marriage counseling.

Comments
October 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm
(1) sfcf says:

I take full ownership for my deficiencies, wrongs and respect my wife’s feelings; however, i don’t get the same. I feel that with 20 years worth of wrongs that I have committed and doesn’t appear I EVER did anything right. Reality has shown me sabotage from shortly after our relationship began 20 years ago and married for 13 years . I am out of the military now, after 2 deployments for the Iraq war support and a Vietnam vet with 20 plus years in my career. I admit that I put too into my career; however, my wife never liked the military and knew that’s what I was about prior to us even meeting.
She has expensive clothes to wear that I have never seen her wear and expensive accessories to match. Has taken a trip to Florida this past summer for 3 days, returned with a tan that lasted for 3 months but she doesn’t like the sun and heat, but washed my face with the fact that she was enjoying herself being away from me. I called her the Friday morning of her arrival early, to see had she found the card I placed there telling her to enjoy and bring back some pictures. It was easy to tell she was in the bed. I spoke of the card and said “I love you” 2 times with no reply. On the third attempt I got a reluctant reply of “love you.” On her return inquired about the reply and got 2 different reply because I asked if there was someone present that she didn’t want to hear her reply. Prior to going on the trip 2 weeks before, I questioned her about a sleepover with the girls she had forgotten about. I asked “where did she sleep at” she turned the question around to say I asked “who did she sleep with” and got very defensive and stated that I had questioned the trust in the marriage and if that was the case there should be no marriage. Months prior to this there were red flags that something serious had stepped up quite a bit. There was a new wardrobe, new underwear, no time for the household, no time for me PERIOD nor sex. Moreover, I was told, from the very beginning that she felt dirty whenever we had sex. I returned home 2006 and there shortly after I noticed that her history in her cell was always erased. Unaccounted for gifts that we couldn’t afford was always a gift from a friend girl. Again, I take ownership of my shortcomings but she boldly stated that she is always right, something I learned about her from the beginning. I saw a disability claim form from 2004 during my first deployment, her doctor had her going for counseling for depression and stated that the “spouse was controlling and was calling from Iraq telling her what to do. I love my wife but i have seen from the beginning a great number of problems that I THOUGHT I COULD help her with. There are always 2 sides to a story; however, with this one I am not the “dark” secretive person that has led 2 lives for all these years, there was a short break for her. When dumping the 20 years worth of my wrongs on me, she stated that I never thanked her for not cheating on me, when she did take a break from. Was I know when the cheating stopped, why, and in turn give you thanks, to a degree, yes. But not at the way she approached me. I have always loved her and God is my witness, with all that we gone through I have ALWAYS been faithful. She truly doesn’t like for me to say anything about me being faithful. She stated that I abandoned her during my deployments, I just had major surgery on my spine, under employed, have her biological son here under the roof, a home, and she I attempting to reassure me she is not leaving me for another man, which may be true;however, she has been mentally and physically intimate with this man for the past 2 years, if not more. I choose not to say I was abandoned, especially in my time of physical and mental weakness. I love her wish her well. I need to work on me and be a better person.

October 25, 2009 at 6:10 am
(2) kns says:

You deserve better!!

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