Although we were not big fans of the Roseanne show in the 1980s, I watched an episode the other night on late TV. If you want an example of how to destroy your marriage, watch this portion of "Fights and Stuff" -- Season 8, Episode 25 of Roseanne. It is obvious that the fight was not a fair fight.
Dan and Roseanne did everything in that fight that a married couple shouldn't do when angry. There is no listening to one another and lots of saying hurtful things to each other.
Here are a few other things they did wrong in that episode:
- They let things that were bothering them build up until they both exploded.
- They both stormed out instead of setting a time when they were both more calm so they could finish the fight.
- They didn't stick to the subject that started the fight -- Dan's health. They wandered into financial problems, parenting, drinking concerns, control issues, and lost dreams.
- They didn't keep the fight between the two of them. They brought in their own parents and their kids.
- They both hit below the belt by calling one another fat.
- They brought up issues from a long time ago.
- They both were sarcastic, loud, and violent.
Remember that conflict is not the problem. All married couples have disagreements. Not knowing how to effectively argue and forgive can slowly destroy a marriage.
Wow! I never saw that episode of Roseanne. To be honest I never watched the show. Now I know why. I am a newly wed. I can’t imagine my husband and I ever exchanging bitterness in that escaladed fashion. I am glad we are grounded in how to handle conflict, agree to disagree, and how to look out for eachother’s welfare–especially health related issues. That was pretty disturbing and I cannot believe the producer’s of that show would allow something like this to be seen on TV–in the eyes of kids and teens. WOW! I am still overwhelmed by this!
I, too am a newly wed. One month and one day. This is the second time to the altar for us both. My husband and I speak often of forgiveness. How ours is a marriage grounded on this word. We hadn’t seen this episode before either, although, I’m thankful to have watched it this morning. As I watched the chilling exchange, I kept searching for the root problem…hoping they would find it and weed it out. We have a real enemy, and he seeks to destroy the powerful covenant of marriage. Thank you Bob and Sheri for affirming what we are learning each day. And I echo Janeice, John and I learned in pre-marital counseling to choose to believe the other has our very best at heart. Trust…is so powerful! You are all loved, jenn
That’s all well and good, but Roseanne is meant to be a form of entertainment – not an example of how people should live. Lighten up!
I’m so used to saying I’m a newly wed, but I don’t think I am anymore… In March, it will be 3 years. Wow that went by so fast! I know the poll that is in question here and I remember taking the poll and was so happy to admit in a poll that yes, my husband and I are happily married, and this is the 2nd walk down the aisle, for both of us, as well.
We didn’t have much of a honeymoon back in 3/07, as it was only 2 days in Boston, 20 miles from us. However, we promised each other when we have the money, we will finish our honeymoon in style! So, we’re going to Disney, and taking the kids w/ us! lol. Not much of a honeymoon, but our kids are a package deal…
I watch the episode and it reminded me of my husband and I. We have been married 3yrs, I am not Rosanne but my husband does what he did. We cant fight fairly because he does not know how. Always bring the past, his mother and he cant forgive. He saids he has no problems he is a good husband and has done nothing wrong he does not hold grudges. I am ready for a separation. I see no hope in this marriage.
thats exactly what it comes to…holding grudges…my husband says he isnt wrong in keeping grudges from as long as our courtship .5 years+2 yrs of marriage…..i cant erase his hatred…m tired too…maybe yes headed for a separation too….