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Sheri Stritof

Couple Chemistry: Then and Now

By February 20, 2014

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Thirty-five years ago Bob and I gave a presentation on couple chemistry. Our focus back then in our talk was on how a married couple could create positive chemistry in their marriage by having good communication skills and being sure that even though they had a whirlwind courtship, like the two of us, they knew they were marrying the right person.

Now, couple chemistry has a different meaning. Stating life's greatest prize is having "the right mating partner," Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, believes the rules of attraction have changed.

Fisher lists "four broad biological personality types associated with four specific neurotransmitters and hormones ... Fisher suspects we are all some combination of these four types ..."
  • The Explorer (risk-taking, associated with dopamine)
  • The Builder (calm, traditional, associated with serotonin)
  • The Director (analytical, tough-minded and decisive, associated with testosterone)
  • The Negotiator (emotionally expressive and empathetic, associated with estrogen)

Fisher found that explorers go for other explorers, and builders go for other builders. But the high testosterone directors go for the high-estrogen negotiators, and vice versa."

Using Fisher's descriptions, in our relationship, I was the negotiator/explorer and Bob was the director/builder. It worked for us.

Full Article:
     'Unsaid Chemistry': Science of Seduction

     How to Know If You are Marrying the Right Person
     Most Widely Used Premarital Inventories
     Soul Mates
     Whirlwind Courtship and Marriage of Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen

February 8, 2009 at 8:56 am
(1) Suzy says:

That’s an interesting article, about
chemistry between married couples. Often times, sadly the bond of chemistry can get lost along the way, during marriage. I’m not trying to brag or boast, but my husband and I have tremendous chemistry, and it seems like it’s only getting stronger and, better! But if I had to get right down to it I would have to say my husband is the builder and I”m the The Negotiator and that works for us.

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