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Throwing in the Towel in Your Marriage

Should You Throw in the Towel?


Photo: MConnors / MorgueFile

Are you agonizing over the decision of whether or not to file for divorce? If you are, other aspects of your life are probably being negatively impacted while you are in this state of limbo.

Areas of Your Life Negatively Impacted by Indecision

  • Your Job: Your job may be in jeopardy due to moodiness and lack of attention.
  • Your Other Relationships: Your children, friends and other family members may feel your sadness, frustration, impatience, fear, anger, and indecision.
  • Your Health:Your health is also being compromised if you aren't sleeping well, or if you are ignoring getting exercise and eating healthy foods.

Major Reason People Stay

For many couples, the amount of time they have already invested in their marriages has a lot to do with their decision to stay or to go.

It's generally easier for a younger married couple to divorce and start their lives over again than it is for partners who have been together a decade or more.

Are You Better Off Married or Divorced?

How do you know if you are better off staying married or getting a divorce? Only you know the answer to that question. Sometimes a marriage is worth saving and sometimes it isn't. It is important to face the realities of divorce and not just the fantasy of divorce. Take the Can Your Marriage Be Saved? quiz.

What to Do Before Making Major Decisions

  • Attempt to reduce the stress in your life.
  • Get yourself on stable ground so you can handle whatever comes your way.
  • Devise a survival or back up plan to give yourself more of a sense of control over your life. You may not ever have to use it, but have it anyway.
  • If your physical or emotional safety depends on being separated from your spouse, you must make that your priority.

Things to Consider

When making this type of life-changing decision, recognize what you will lose and do not count on what you may receive.

If your main reason for wanting a divorce is because you are unhappy, being single again probably won't make you happier.

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Are you having dreams that you spouse is dead?
  • Do you feel as if you have nothing left to give to your marriage?
  • Has all the forgiveness, hope and patience in your heart run out?
  • Do you feel indifference towards your spouse?
  • More questions to ask yourself.

If you've said yes to those questions,you may be at the point of no return in your marital relationship. Feeling indifference is a strong sign that your marriage is over.

Seeing Your Marriage More Clearly

Sometimes getting away, even for a weekend, to sort things out on your own can help you see your situation more clearly. For many people, this is when something sort of clicks inside and they know what to do.

This may sound silly or trivial, but taking a long, hot, bubble bath and washing your hair is helpful too. Think about the lyrics in South Pacific, "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair."

It won't solve all your problems, but psychologists say that washing your hair can be an emotional cleansing massage as you let all that negativity go down the drain.

Video: Signs You've Fallen Out of Love With Your Spouse

Moving On

When it is time to throw in the towel, you will know. You will experience an "aha" moment of clarity as to what you need to do.

If you do make the decision to divorce, be good to yourself. Remember that if your marriage fails, it doesn't mean you are a failure. Some unhealthy relationships are not meant to succeed. Sometimes people keep trying to make sense out of something that doesn't make sense or can't be solved.

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