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How To Share What is in Your Heart With Your Spouse

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Middle aged couple using technology at home
Gary John Norman/Digital Vision/Getty Images

It's easy to share your thoughts, the information that's in your brain. However, it is not so easy to share the depth of your feelings that live in your heart.

Richard Lessor: "Feelings are not like faucets you can turn on and off."

By sharing what is in your heart with your spouse, you can achieve deeper intimacy. Here is a simple how to on how to share your feelings.

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: varies

Here's How:

  1. Recognize the difference between thoughts and emotional (not physical) feelings.

     

  2. Use the 'I think vs. I feel' rule. If you can substitute the words 'I think' for 'I feel' in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.

     

  3. Name the feeling. Use a list of feeling words if this is difficult.

     

  4. Describe the feeling by writing it in such a way that your spouse can experience your feeling to the same degree.

     

  5. Share your feeling with your spouse.

     

  6. Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. It's the behavior that results because of the feeling that has the morality.

     

  7. Accept that feelings come and go and change quickly.

     

  8. Try to not judge yourself or your spouse because of feelings.

     

Tips:

  1. Rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Don't say things like 'Don't worry, be happy' or 'You shouldn't feel that way.'

     

  2. Don't make decisions based on feelings.

     

  3. Share your feelings with each other daily.

     

What You Need:

  • Openness
  • Honesty
  • Willingness to Make Time for Each Other
  • Committment
  • Acceptance

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