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Daily Dialogue in Your Marriage

Why Should You Bother to Dialogue?

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Couples who attend Worldwide Marriage Encounter and National Marriage Encounter weekends often say the weekend was a transforming experience for their marriages. Most will say they are very grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to their spouse through the communication tool of dialogue.

Yet, quite a few of these same couples do not take the tool of daily dialogue home to use on a regular basis. Why not?

Developing Questions

For many couples, coming up with questions is a problem. Not only the subject matter, but questions that both can agree to at that particular point in time.

Time and Distance Issues

Making the time to dialogue, whether you are home together or separated by business trips or military deployment, can be difficult.

If you have lost the habit of daily dialogue, make a decision together to begin dialoguing again. Even if you can't commit to dialoguing daily, there is tremendous value in just dialoguing whenever you can.

Daily Dialogue Tips

  • If things are difficult between the two of you, keep the questions positive and try not to tackle tough subjects. Questions centering on what attracted you to one another, the best date you ever had, what a dream vacation would be, what quality you like best about your spouse, etc. Positive questions are important in order to help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

  • Check out the selection of dialogue questions available online.

  • Remember the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse's feelings. It is not to change one another or to manipulate one another. Each dialogue question should be written so you discover how one another feels. Not how you both think ... but how you both feel. Then try to understand and accept one another as you are.

  • Separations due to business travel are a challenge. Many couples use the same question for each day they are apart, something like "How Do I Feel Today?" or "What were my feelings today?" Once together, you can read all the letters from your time apart, and then dialogue on the feelings you have after reading the letters. Other couples dialogue via email, some have even used chat rooms.

  • Have a couple favorite questions to fall back on when finding the right one is difficult. "How do I feel about today?" is a standard dialogue question.

  • Remember, dialogue is a gift you give to one another. However, it is a gift with no strings attached.

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