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How to Know if You Are an Abusive Spouse


You may think that the way you treat or talk to your spouse is normal, when in reality it is abusive.

Here are questions to ask yourself to determine if you are abusive towards your spouse and children.

Difficulty: Hard
Time Required: varies

Here's How:

  1. Is your spouse afraid of you?

  2. Have you ever threatened to kill your spouse?

  3. Do you believe that your way is the only way?

  4. Have you ever hit, slapped, pushed, pulled hair, or choked your spouse?

  5. Are you the jealous type?

  6. Do you believe you have the right to know what your spouse is doing and where your spouse is all the time?

  7. Do you think of yourself as in charge?

  8. Do you enjoy seeing your spouse in pain, crying or hurt?

  9. Do you believe your spouse deserves to be hit or yelled at or punished?

  10. Do you believe your spouse 'asked for it'?

  11. Do you break or destroy your spouse's belongings on purpose?

  12. Have you ever been arrested for violent behavior?

  13. Do you think you have an anger problem?

  14. Are you afraid of asking for help because you might lose everything that is important to you?

  15. Has your spouse ever tried to leave you?


  1. If you answered yes to several of these questions, please see a counselor.

  2. Saying 'I'm sorry' isn't enough. It is important that you take responsibility for your abusive behavior.

  3. Don't expect your spouse to forgive and forget quickly. It takes time to rebuild trust once it has been broken.

What You Need

  • Honest Self Appraisal
  • Willingness to Seek Help
  • Ability to Let Go of Controlling Your Spouse
  • Understanding of Why You Are Abusive

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