We think he sets readers up for failure by the deceptive title and presenting unrealistic promises.
There are instances in the book where he contradicts himself. On page 165 he writes "Of course you shouldn't bang your head against the wall. If, after several times of trying over a period of time, you meet with great resistance, then it might be best to move on."
- Some basic techniques can be used immediately.
- Stresses the importance of listening and respect.
- Provides specific examples in easy to read format.
- Some suggested tactics are manipulative.
- Not all situations are as "easy as 1-2-3."
- No index.
- Title: Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement
- Author: David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
- Lieberman lists four ways to respond to a disagreement: retreat, accept, surrender or fight.
- The book doesn't present new theories about reconciliation. Statements like these did not give us any "aha" moments.
- "No one has the right to abuse you." (page 49)
- "It's okay to agree to disagree." (page 133)
- "You cannot receive if you do not give." (page 94)
- "If you are a psychological punching bag, change things." (page 49)
- "Money is the single biggest cause of family rifts." (page 141)
His comments like "easy as 1-2-3" and "end any personality clash within five minutes" makes living in peace sound too easy. We doubt readers will have the implied immediate success in ending feuds and conflicts.
On a positive note, Lieberman does offer some great questions on page 119 for readers to ask themselves:
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"What would you have done differently?"
"Do you regret how things have turned out?"
"If you could erase that day, would you?"
"What did you enjoy from the relationship?"
"Do you remember any of the good times?"
"What would you have to hear from the other to begin to talk again?"
"What would he have to do to begin to make things right?"
We hope readers will realize that there are no quick fixes for repairing damaged relationships. Healing hurts, forgiveness, and reconciliation take time.
We recommend couples read Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. Both books are by marriage researcher John M. Gottman.
