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Questions and Solutions for Husbands -- Is Your Wife a Maternal Gatekeeper?

Maternal Gatekeeper Quiz

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Photo: John Foxx / Getty Images
Photo: John Foxx / Getty Images
Maternal Gatekeepers
Questions for Wives
How to Stop Being a Maternal Gatekeeper
Gatekeeping Study Press Release

Ask yourself these questions to see if your wife falls into the category of a maternal gatekeeper.

Does your wife:

  • Redo a task you just finished?
  • Criticize the way you accomplished the task?
  • Create unbending or unrealistic standards for you to meet?
  • Demean or undermine your efforts at being an authority figure in your children's lives?
  • Oversee the chores that you work on?
  • Do all the organizing, delegating, planning, and scheduling in your home?
  • Become reluctant to let go of some of her responsibilty for caring for your family?
  • Need a great deal of validation of her identity as a mom, both from you and from outside your marriage?
  • Believe in the traditional roles assigned to husbands and wives?
  • View you as a helper when it comes to household chores and child-care responsibilities?
  • Ask you for help and then gives you explicit directions on how to accomplish a task?

Solutions for Husbands of Maternal Gatekeepers

  • Realize that your wife is not a maternal gatekeeper out of spite or to be mean.
  • Accept that her behavior is not just directed to you personally.
  • Talk with your wife about the negative impact her maternal gatekeeper behaviors have on your family.
  • Don't over react, but do say "enough" if your wife criticizes your accomplishments.
  • Let your wife know you appreciate all she does for the family.
  • If her awareness of her maternal gatekeeper behavior does not cause her to be more sensitive to this issue, let her know that the two of you need marriage counseling.

Maternal Gatekeepers
Questions for Wives
How to Stop Being a Maternal Gatekeeper
Gatekeeping Study Press Release

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