Questions for Wives
How to Stop Being a Maternal Gatekeeper
Gatekeeping Study Press Release
Ask yourself these questions to see if your wife falls into the category of a maternal gatekeeper.
Does your wife:
- Redo a task you just finished?
- Criticize the way you accomplished the task?
- Create unbending or unrealistic standards for you to meet?
- Demean or undermine your efforts at being an authority figure in your children's lives?
- Oversee the chores that you work on?
- Do all the organizing, delegating, planning, and scheduling in your home?
- Become reluctant to let go of some of her responsibilty for caring for your family?
- Need a great deal of validation of her identity as a mom, both from you and from outside your marriage?
- Believe in the traditional roles assigned to husbands and wives?
- View you as a helper when it comes to household chores and child-care responsibilities?
- Ask you for help and then gives you explicit directions on how to accomplish a task?
Solutions for Husbands of Maternal Gatekeepers
- Realize that your wife is not a maternal gatekeeper out of spite or to be mean.
- Accept that her behavior is not just directed to you personally.
- Talk with your wife about the negative impact her maternal gatekeeper behaviors have on your family.
- Don't over react, but do say "enough" if your wife criticizes your accomplishments.
- Let your wife know you appreciate all she does for the family.
- If her awareness of her maternal gatekeeper behavior does not cause her to be more sensitive to this issue, let her know that the two of you need marriage counseling.