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It is a Decision


Once you no longer trust your spouse, can the trust between the two of you ever be rebuilt?

Time and Forgiveness are Keys to Rebuilding Trust

Yes, trust can be rebuilt. It takes time. It requires forgiveness. It requires healing.

Henry Stimson once said, "The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust."

Our Decision to Trust

When the two of us were rebuilding our relationship after we remarried one another, Sheri's level of trust was quite low. She even kept a packed suitcase in the closet -- just in case. We used the communication tool of daily dialogue to help build our trust in one another. As we grew to know one another more deeply, and on a feeling level, the decision to trust was so much easier.

A turning point in our lives was when we saw the movie, A Towering Inferno. Sheri had a tremendous fear of fire. Back then, she would get up in the middle of the night to unplug toasters, etc., and she would never go to bed until the fire in the fireplace was absolutely dead. It was a real annoyance for everyone in the family to find appliances continually unplugged!

The night of the movie, which was a preview fund raising event for our church, Sheri was not ready to leave the house, had not gotten a baby sitter, and was obviously dragging her feet. We finally arrived at the theatre, only to have her literally shaking in her boots.

Later that evening, when we were back home, we talked about her fear of fire. Digging deeply into these feelings allowed both of us to understand more fully what she was experiencing and thinking.

As a result, knowing that Bob did understand her fear, Sheri trusted him when he said something was safe, or that the stove was turned off, and the irritating trips back to the house to double check the stove or the coffee pot became a thing of the past.

Bottom Line

Romance and the whole valentine scene should be a daily event in marriage and not just a yearly thing! Without trust in a relationship, there is no romance and there is no Valentine's Day - ever.

Trust is a decision.

Dialogue Question: How have you decided to trust your spouse today? How does this decision make you feel?

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