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How To Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage


Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage
Photo: Ryan McVay / Stone / Getty Images
When infidelity, lies or broken promises invade your marriage, the trust between husband and wife is severely damaged. However, this doesn't mean that the marital relationship can't be saved.

Rebuilding trust in your marriage can be difficult when your spouse has done something to break that trust. Here are a few suggestions and help.

Difficulty: Hard
Time Required: Varies

Here's How:

  1. Make a decision to love by trying to let go of the past. Stop obsessing about the situation which broke the trust between you and your spouse.
  2. Decide to forgive or to be forgiven.
  3. If you are the one in your marriage who lied, cheated, etc. show that the errant behavior is gone by changing your behaviors. That means no more secrets, lies, infidelity, etc.
  4. Together, set specific goals for getting your marriage back on track.
  5. To rebuild the trust in your marriage, both of you must renew your commitment to your marriage and one another.
  6. The wounded spouse must share the pain. The other spouse must acknowledge the hurt caused by the devastating experience of being lied to or cheated on.
  7. Listen completely to one another and with your heart, not just your head.
  8. Be honest.
  9. Avoid using words that can trigger conflict. Use non-blaming 'I' statements and don't say always, must, never, or should.
  10. Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.
  11. Be open to seeking counseling to have a better understanding into what caused the trust to be broken.
  12. Remind one another that you each deserve open and honest answers to your questions about the affair or betrayal.


  1. Recognize that rebuilding trust takes time. It won't happen over night.
  2. It's okay to remember the incidents and the betrayal. You may not forget what happened, but the pain will eventually go away.
  3. Be aware of your feelings and share your feelings with one another.

What You Need

  • Time
  • Patience
  • Honesty
  • Commitment to your marriage
  • Love
  • Forgiveness

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