Relationships Strengthening Relationships What to Do When Your Spouse Refuses to See a Doctor By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Updated on November 18, 2023 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Carly Snyder, MD Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Tetra Images / Creative RF / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Reasons for Refusal What You Should Do What Not to Do Trending Videos Close this video player It is very frustrating and worrisome when a spouse does not have the motivation to take care of their health needs, and it can begin to impact your marriage. And, while it may be obvious to you that your spouse needs to see a doctor, it might not be obvious to them. This problem is more common for wives as men can be particularly stubborn about seeing doctors. Perhaps they see going to the doctor as a sign of weakness, or they are healthy and don't need the doctor. Women are also more accustomed to seeing doctors regularly, such as the OB/GYN, so often do not exhibit this behavior. Reasons People Refuse to See a Doctor There are many reasons someone may refuse to see a doctor, both rational and irrational. Some of them include: Believe their problem will go away on its ownFear what the doctor will sayBelieve they are too busy and do not have time to be sickExperience stress from the medical experienceDo not want to incur expenses from medical careFeel embarrassed about the illness or medical conditionDo not want to be viewed as weakFear painful medical proceduresHad a bad experience with a doctor, healthcare facility or medical procedure in the pastDeny their current health status What to Do When Your Spouse Refuses to See a Doctor What You Should Do If your partner refuses to see a doctor, there are things you can try to make them listen to your suggestion, for example: Tell your spouse you are worried. Talk to them about how this refusal of help or treatment has negatively impacted you. Accept your role as spouse and not as your spouse's parent. Your spouse is an adult and capable of making personal medical decisions. Tell your spouse that you want them to see a doctor because you love them. You can also offer to go with them. Ask if you can set up an appointment for your spouse to see a doctor. Get professional help in getting your spouse the help that is needed especially if you believe your spouse's refusal to seek medical or psychological care is life-threatening. Consider seeing a counselor on your own to help deal with your mixture of feelings. You must take care of yourself and accept your feelings of frustration, anger, etc. How Much Should You Try to Change Your Spouse or Partner? What Not to Do While it may be difficult to hold your tongue, it is important to not become too involved in your spouse's medical care. Here are some things to avoid when encountering this issue: Do not continue to nagDo not set up an appointment with a doctor without your spouse's approvalDo not continue to argue about this issueDo not manipulate your spouse into getting helpDo not threaten to leave the marriage (unless you mean it) If your spouse is experiencing a psychological issue but refuses to see a doctor, it may be more likely to create distress in a marriage. It is often trickier to address a psychological issue, as the spouse may lack insight into the problem. However, both psychological and medical problems left untreated can begin to impact the entire family system. A spouse not getting needed help can unintentionally send a message to their partner that their shared life is not important enough to preserve with medical care. If a spouse continues to refuse medical help, starting counseling together may be a productive gateway to your spouse getting help on their own. But, it ultimately boils down to issues of personal responsibility that you may not be able to solve. So, beyond counseling, there unfortunately isn't much more you can do other than share your feelings of concern, fear, and love. Overcoming Iatrophobia, the Fear of Doctors By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Helpful Report an Error Other Submit