Equality

Equality in Marriage. Continuing the discussion of images of marriage, focusing on equality as an important measuring tool.

We've noticed that for some couples, it is so easy for a marriage to fall into a master/slave relationship - one in which one spouse is superior and the other is inferior, or one is in charge and the other is not.

We belive that the only healthy marriage is one is which both parties approach each other as equals. During our eighth year of marriage, our relationship, suffering badly from lack of communication and inequality, fell apart.

Although I had been a strong, independent, feisty young woman when Bob first met me...somehow, I changed into a doormat...and our marriage ended in divorce.

BOB: I remember trying to shock her out of her role as doormat...but the more I tried, the more she backed down. I used to say, "If you don’t like my way of doing things, don’t let the door hit you as you leave." It was my way or the highway. Not a healthy way to live. Now when we find ourselves falling into these roles, we have the courage to call one another on the behavior. We have also found that in dealing with other couples who are having problems in this area, when the doormat finally stands up and takes control of their lives, and says, no more, they become more attractive to their spouse.

SHERI: The quest of a marital friendship should be to share our inner world with one another and to view one another as equals. Marital friendship is more than collaboration...it is a communication of feelings and thoughts that leads to communion with each other.

We believe that married love involves more than emotions. Married friends love each other when they feel like it and even when they don’t feel like it.

Love is a decision.

Is your spouse your best friend? Let us know by sending us a note and we'll post your thoughts, too.