Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?
Taking a Break from One Another - Yes or No?
The two of us separated last week. For four days.
It was healthy.
It was okay.
It was revealing.
It was good for our kids.
It was great getting back together.
Sheri is a 4H leader and every year some of her club's kids qualify for the State 4H Fair which is about a 2 hour drive from our home. The kids need to be there Thursday through Sunday. The first three years, Bob tagged along being the driver, general fix-it person in the barn, and go-fer.
Each year, he felt stifled and frustrated at hanging around for three full days feeling ignored and unneeded. The ride home on Sunday evening usually resulted in some small squabbles and both of us being down-right irritated with the other.
So three years ago in early August, we re-evaluated this September experience in our lives. We made a list of pros and cons of having Bob attend the Fair. We shared our thoughts and our feelings on being separated, doing our own thing, financial consequences, transportation considerations, and health.
The results of that afternoon of talking about the situation, sharing our feelings, and agreeing on a solution were surprising to both of us.
The decision made was to have Sheri and the kids stay in the dormitories provided by the Fairgrounds and to have Bob stay home.
Previously we had taken our RV and camped at the campground at the Fairgrounds. This meant that we often had four to six kids and their cats trying to sleep in a 22 foot RV, along with all their backpacks, critter carriers, etc. This did not lend to our getting a good nights sleep, nor did it allow for any privacy or quality time for the two of us!
This was our third year of planned separation. It is still working out great for everyone concerned:
Bob and his boys have some planned quality fun time together like watching movie videos that Sheri hates!
Bob has a sense of getting some things done and isn't a grumpy old bear on Monday morning.
Sheri sleeps much better in the dorm than she did in the RV, so she isn't as tired and irritable on Sunday evening as she used to be.
Sheri can be totally present to the kids in the club that she is chaperoning without feeling guilty about ignoring Bob. She also has the time to volunteer more in the barn.
Sheri and our daughter have planned quality fun time together.
It's less expensive.
Sunday evening's reunion was enjoyable and we shared our experiences, laughed together, and enjoyed being close to one another.
So, we believe that with good communication, being apart once in awhile isn't all that bad in a marriage. What do you think? Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Tell us how you perceive being apart from your spouse now and then. Send us a note so we can post your thoughts too!.
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