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Why Do You Fight?

Do You Know What You are Fighting About?

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Every marriage relationship will have disagreements. The key to not allowing these fights to create hostility in your marriage or to hurt your marriage is to know what you are fighting about, to understand why you are fighting, to know how to fight fair, and to forgive one another.

If you and your spouse have fallen into a pattern of fighting over the same issues over and over again, you need to ask yourselves three questions:

  • 1. Why do you fight?
  • 2. Do you even know what you are fighting about?
  • 3. Is this an issue we will never resolve?

What Married Couples Fight About

  • Chores
  • Money
  • Kids
  • Sex including pornography
  • Infidelity
  • Communication
  • Time including time spent on the computer or watching television
  • Jobs
  • Recreation
  • Neatness
  • Annoying habits
  • Jealousy
  • Past history
  • Substance abuse
  • Pointless or silly issues
  • In-laws

Why Married Couples Fight

  • To win or get their way
  • To vent
  • For control
  • To criticize
  • To release anger
  • To clear the air
  • To resolve issues
  • To be argumentive

Negative Behaviors Resulting From Unfair Fights in a Marriage

  • Withdrawal
  • Silent treatment
  • Avoidance
  • Distance
  • Meanness
  • Demanding
  • Pouting
  • Breaking promises

Negative Feelings Resulting From Fights in a Marriage

  • Ignored
  • Unloved
  • Hurt
  • Anger
  • Hopeless
  • Insulted
  • Worried
  • Abused
  • Useless
  • Unwanted
  • Unimportant
  • Put down

What You Can Do

  • Take responsibility for what you do or don't do.
  • Fight fair.
  • Listen to one another.
  • Don't try to be a mind reader.
  • Clarify what you think your spouse is saying.
  • If you need to cool down, take a time out.
  • Be open to compromise.
  • Know when to agree to disagree.
  • Don't fight to win. Fight for your marriage.
  • Forgive one another.

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