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Attitudes in Your Marriage

Changing Your Behavior

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Do you ever talk about your attitudes?

Well, you should. Once an attitude is ingrained in your mind, it is usually there forever. Attitudes can turn into major issues in a marriage. Couples can have different attitudes about money, sex, parenting, recreation, work, household chores, equality, spirituality, and more.

What to Do About Attitudes

  • Recognize your attitudes.
  • Accept your attitudes for what they are.
  • Look at your attitudes. Where did your attitudes come from? Why? Do you like any of your attitudes? Do you dislike any of your attitudes? How does your spouse feel about some of your attitudes?
  • Realize that although an attitude that you don't like will be hanging around for a long, long time, the behaviors that this attitude creates can be changed if you want to change the behaviors. It doesn't make any difference why you tend to respond to a certain situation in a certain way, you can change that response.
  • If you are hurt or offended by an attitude of your spouse, say so. Ignoring the attitudes and behaviors that are causing problems in your will only create more distance between you and your spouse.

Changing Behaviors

Changing a behavior is not easy. However, in looking at where the attitudes come from (society, friends, family, movies, TV, experiences, situations etc.) you can see how many of your attitudes may not be centered in reality or are just defense mechanisms and a way to protect yourself, especially when your self esteem is in the pits.

    Example: A husband has an attitude that household chores are a woman's job. That was the way he was raised. His mom did all the cooking and cleaning and his dad never picked up after himself. So, he is the same way and this attitude and behavior are having a negative impact on his marriage. His wife is hurt and disappointed and angry that he isn't willing to do his share of work around the house. He comes up with all sorts of excuses as to why he won't do household chores, but none of the reasons are accepted by his wife. This husband has a choice to make. He can change the behavior that is creating the problem, or he can stay the same and gamble that his wife will eventually quit fussing about the household chores.

If you love your spouse and value your marriage, once you realize that an attitude and behavior are hurting your spouse, you should want to change that behavior.

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