These unions have been romanticized in classic movies such as The Cowboy and the Lady, Adam's Rib, and The Key to the City.
The James Carville-Mary Matlin and Arnold Schwarznegger-Maria Shriver marriages give credence to the idea that married couples on different sides of the political fence can be successful. The key to these marriages is the fact that these couples obviously have a lot in common in other areas of their lives. They know how to focus on what they agree on and to accept their differences.
Unresolved Issues
Most married couples have approximately ten issues or disagreements that they will never resolve. If you are faced with ideological divisions, you need to work together to have healthy, challenging debates.How to Keep Your Political Differences From Hurting Your Marriage
- Bridge your differences by agreeing to disagree.
- Don't ridicule one another's opinions.
- Allow your partner to have his/her own convictions.
- Do not try subtle politicizing in your comments about budget planning or when you remind your spouse about needing to get gas in the car.
- Remember to use your listening skills when discussing politics.
- Show respect for each other's political views.
- Don't try to change your spouse's opinions. Instead try to understand those opinions. You can understand something without agreeing with it.
- Look for what the two of you have in common on the political issues.
Areas in Your Marriage That Can Be Impacted by Differing Political Views
Areas of your life that may be influenced by the two of you having differing opinions on political and social views include:- Charities -- Which ones will you donate to? How much? How often?
- Volunteering -- Where will you give your time and talent? How often?
- Jobs -- What if he wants to work in an industry that she considers threatening to the environment? Or if she wants to work outside the home and he wants her to stay home?
- Friends -- Whose friends will you spend time with? His, hers, both, or neither? What if your friends' lifestyle choices are in direct opposition to the way you two have decided to live your lives? Can you reconcile this difference for the friendship? Will involvement with these individuals harm your marriage?
- Parenting -- Do you both want children? What if one of you, out of a social conviction, thinks it would be better to adopt or to not have children at all? Do you agree on parenting issues such as allowances, spanking, bedtimes, teens working while in school, age of dating or getting a driver's license, etc.?
- Family -- What if one of you believes in caring for aging parents and the other doesn't?
- Residence -- What if he refuses to live in a large home because of the utility usage and she is set on having a big house? If he wants to live in the city, and she wants to live in the country, will you be able to compromise on a location that suits both of you?
Sometimes You Can't Compromise
There may be times when your differences will make it difficult to reach a decision in your lives. Some areas of life such as the role of women or differing parenting beliefs cannot be compromised. One spouse will have to let go of strong convictions in situations such as if she wants kids and he doesn't, or if she believes in spanking and he doesn't, or if he wants the kids to have an allowance, and she doesn't. These differences can create major problems in a marital relationship.Ten Marriage Deal Breakers
Mismatched Couples
Some couples may be mismatched. If one of you is indifferent to social or political issues and the other is very passionate on these topics, you may face a very difficult journey together.Some warning signs that your marriage is in trouble include:
- Disagreeing intensely.
- Arguing a lot.
- Refusing to discuss the issues.
- Increased distancing from one another.
- Showing a lack of respect for one another and one another's opinions.
