Pros
The tide seems to be swinging in the direction that parents in low-conflict marriages should stay together for the sake of the kids.Elizabeth Marquardt, author of "Between Two Worlds": "Even a good divorce restructures children's childhoods and leaves them traveling between two distinct worlds. It becomes their job, not their parents', to make sense of those two worlds."
Source: NY Times
Elizabeth Marquardt, author: "If you are in a low-conflict marriage, the idea of a good divorce is really very misleading. It makes you think that, so long as you divorce the right way, your children will be fine. It's simply not true."
Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview
Dr. Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author:
"Contrary to the wisdom of pop psychology, it is not essential to your or your children's well-being for you to have a great marriage." Dr. Coleman counsels that imperfect harmony in a home allows each parent to love and care for the children full-time.
Source: "Imperfect Harmony"
Elizabeth Marquardt: "The good divorce is an adult-centered vision. ... No matter what the level of conflict, a divided family often requires children to confront a whole set of challenges that children in married-parent, intact families do not have to face."
Source: USA Today
Elizabeth Marquardt: "No matter how happy a face we put on it, the children of divorce are now saying, we've been kidding ourselves. An amicable divorce is better than a bitter one, but there is no such thing as a 'good' divorce."
Source: Washington Post
Elizabeth Marquardt: "While a 'good divorce' is better than a bad divorce, it is still not good. For no matter how amicable divorced parents might be and how much they each love and care for the child, their willingness to do these things does absolutely nothing to diminish the radical restructuring of the child's universe."
Source: Jane Eisner, Philadelphia Inquirer
Cons
Professor Constance Ahrons, author of "The Good Divorce", stated in an interview that there are two elements to a good divorce.- "One is that the parents get along sufficiently well that they can focus on their kids as parents and be parents."
- "And the other element is that children continue to have relationships with both parents."
Source: Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview
Robert Emery, director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law at the University of Virginia: "While a great many young people from divorced families report painful memories and ongoing troubles regarding family relationships, the majority are psychologically normal."
Source: NY Times
Stephanie Coontz, historian and author: "There will always be couples who need divorces."
Source: NY Times
There appears to be quite a few studies that show that having unhappy parents creates unhappy kids.
Constance Ahrons, sociologist: "There is an accumulating body of knowledge based on many studies that show only minor differences between children of divorce and those from intact families, and that the great majority of children with divorced parents reach adulthood to lead reasonably fulfilling lives."
Source: USA Today
Carolyn Usher, publications director at British Columbia Council for Families in Vancouver: "It's not divorce per se that causes all the damage. Children can usually cope with separation and adapt to new living arrangements. It's the ongoing high level of conflict that hurts them."
Source: Todays Parent
Where it Stands
The consensus among many marriage experts is that although it is a difficult process, most children from divorced homes will grow into successful adults.Source: NY Times
To gain a deeper understanding of the good divorce issue, USATODAY.com did a comprehensive comparison of the two sides to the good divorce issue.
Books About Staying Together for the Sake of the Kids Versus the Good Divorce:
- "The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart"
by Professor Constance Ahrons
- "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce"
by Elizabeth Marquardt
