There is another thing that can hold a couple together - peanut butter. It can also tear a couple apart.
What is the Peanut Butter Concept
Just like peanut butter holds two pieces of bread together, there are people, things, organizations, feelings, activities, etc., which can hold a marriage together.When the sticky stuff, or peanut butter, is love, commitment, delight, joy, devotion, etc. - all is okay.
However, when the peanut butter is your kids, your involvement in church, your debts, venting to one another anomyously on a forum, sharing your feelings through another person, etc., then all is not okay.
Examples of Peanut Butter Concept
- Mary and George have been married for 30 years. George has been irritated recently by the way Mary spends money on their dogs.
Instead of telling Mary about his irritation or concerns about their budget, George waits until he and Mary are at a Marriage Encounter community gathering. Then he shares with the other couples at the meeting his feelings of worry and frustration about the expenses of the dogs. He is using the group to communicate to Mary how he really feels and thinks.
- At this point, the Marriage Encounter group is the peanut butter between George and Mary.
- Harry and Agnes both like visiting online forums that focus on marriage relationships. They both know the nicknames they each use on the forums, but they keep the fact that they are husband and wife a secret from the other posters on the forum.
- When either of them is upset about some aspect of their marriage, they often vent their thoughts anonymously on the forums rather than talk face to face with each other. Harry and Agnes are making the online marriage forums peanut butter in their relationship.
The Impact of Negative Peanut Butter in Your Marriage
Being involved in your church or with groups like Marriage Encounter, volunteering together, etc., are good things to do. However, even though the activity or organization may be a positive one, using it as peanut butter in your marriage will have a negative impact on your marital relationship.As long as these couples have the meetings to attend, the forums to visit, keep themselves busy, or are able to share with one another at group sessions, they can have a false sense that all is okay in their relationship.
When couples aren't really talking or communicating with one another directly, but through their involvement with others, they are headed for trouble.
How to Avoid Using Negative Peanut Butter
- Never reveal or share anything with a group of people without sharing it with your spouse first.
- If you find yourself wanting to be the peacemaker between your spouse and your kids, or your spouse and your friends, or your spouse and your parents, stop being the go-between. Ask your spouse to communicate with these folks directly.
- If you are avoiding communicating with friends, kids, and relatives, and put your mate in the role of doing it for you, realize that this isn't healthy for any of your relationships, especially your marriage.
