by Joan Sewell
Publisher: Broadway, 2007.
Joan Sewell, the author of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate, worked as a punch-press operator and has a master's degree in philosophy. She had been married for eight years when I'd Rather Eat Chocolate, her first book, was published.
Going against what experts have to say about gender sexuality, Joan Sewell believes men are more interested in sex than women are and that there is a biological difference in the sex drives of men and women.
What Joan and Her Husband Tried That Didn't Work
- Sex therapy.
- Giving sex as a gift.
- Thinking of sex as a spiritual act.
- Thinking naughty thoughts.
- Simulating lust.
- Having quickies.
- Wearing sexy lingerie.
- Being spontaneous.
- Faking it.
- Trying for better orgasms.
- Having a platonic relationship.
What Finally Worked for Joan and Her Husband
- Giving her total control over their sex life.
- Not worrying about orgasms.
- Agreeing to stop when she wanted.
- Scheduled regular date nights.
- Had honest communication about their sexual desires.
- Joan: "Having a positive attitude toward sex was key to my success... I mean that when sex was no longer a chore, I could approach it positively, without dread." (page 178)
Joan Sewell Quotes
"Having unwanted sex will poison a marriage. You feel used in the most intimate way possible." (page 161)
"I was thinking, well, if so many tens of millions of women -— estimated -— are having problems, and they’re saying that’s nearly half, what is the basis for normality? What is the definition of dysfunction? And what standards are we using?"
Source: Sara Liptka, TheAtlantic.com, "Not Tonight, Dear", February 6, 2007.
"So the question is, are my husband's sexual needs going to take a backseat to my bodily autonomy? You bet. --- Kip benefits because he has a genuinely happy sex partner. There's no resentment, no guilt, no mental tricks I have to play on myself or him. There's compromise, but certainly not the kind most sexperts advise."
Source: Powells.com, "Q&A with Author"
The Bottom Line -- This is Not a Self-Help Book
Unless a woman's husband is willing to allow her to be in control and call all the shots when it comes to their sex life, I don't think this book will give much hope to couples who have different sex drives.
Couples looking for a book that has suggestions for making a low-libido/high-libido marriage successful should read Sex Starved Marriage.