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The Eye Roll

The Eye Roll in Marriage

From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
Your Guide to Marriage.
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A Sign of Problems in Your Marriage?

You've seen it. The eye roll. It is often accompanied by a big sigh. If you are like most folks, seeing the eye roll makes you angry, or defensive, or both.

The upward eye roll is an optical nonverbal communication maneuver that usually is perceived as a negative response to something that was said.

Frequent eye rolling could be a clue that there are problems in your marriage relationship with your spouse. The eye roll, like hurtful jokes, sarcasm, denial, stonewalling, and blame, is a form of provocative communication.

What the Eye Roll May Be Saying

    Disagreement with what is being said.
    Dislike for how something is being said.
    Venting frustration or exasperation.

How the Eye Roll May Be Perceived

    As a display of contempt for your beliefs.
    As an insult.
    As condescending sarcasm.
    As a put down or scorn.
    As a lack of respect.

What the Eye Roll May Show

    Lack of caring.
    Superiority.
    Lack of respect.
    Dismissive attitude.
    Passive-aggressive behavior.

What the Eye Roll Does to Your Marriage

    Intensifies hostility in your relationship.
    Diminishes trust.
    Builds power struggles.
    Hurts communication.
    Brings about withdrawl.
    Encourages defensive reaction.
    Creates a sense of intimidation.

What You Can Do

    State your perception of your spouse's nonverbal is that there is a problem with what you've said. Ask for clarification.

    Talk with each other about what triggers the eye roll. Have this conversation when neither of you are angry or stressed.
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