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Broken Engagement

What to Do After You Cancel Your Wedding

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A serious woman looking out a window while her boyfriend hides behind a newspaper
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If either of you, or both of you, have decided that you shouldn't marry one another after announcing your engagement, please don't think you've failed. Although breaking an engagement or delaying a wedding is a difficult thing to do, it is less painful to call off the wedding now than it is to file for divorce later on.

Some couples decide that although there may be a lot of love between them, they aren't ready for marriage. With a break from the stress of planning a wedding, couples are sometimes able to work through the issues in their relationship, and do get married later.

How to Get the Word Out

Regardless of how you decide to let folks know that your wedding has been cancelled, remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation. In fact, it is considered inappropriate to divulge the reasons for your broken engagement.
  • Newspapers That Published Your Formal Engagement Announcement:
Sample Text:
The engagement of Miss June Jones and Mr. James Johnson has been broken by mutual consent.
  • Family and Friends Who Received Wedding Invitations:
You can call your family and friends if time is short. Keep calls short and to the point. Or you can send brief notes. This can be printed on small cards.

Sample Text:
Mr. and Mrs. Jason Jones announce that the marriage of their daughter, June, to Mr. James Johnson will not take place.

Canceling Wedding Arrangements

Depending on the size, complexity, and date of your wedding plans, canceling the bookings for the arrangements you made may be overwhelming both emotionally and financially, but family and friends can help you through the process.
Read Your Contracts: You may save on some of the cancellation penalties and deposits by checking your contracts with the vendors you made arrangements with.

Generally, you should be able to receive a percentage back on your deposits. How much you may receive will depend on how close the date of the wedding is when you cancelled the arrangements.

Wedding Insurance: If you purchased wedding insurance, be aware that most wedding insurance policies do not cover changing your mind about getting married.

The insurance companies will cover through these policies situations such as a death in the family, illness, a natural disaster, or severe weather conditions.

Who to Notify:

Make sure you follow up all cancellation requests made by telephone with a formal notification and request for return of deposits in writing.
  • Officiant
  • Church or Ceremony Site
  • Reception Hall
  • Photographer
  • Musicians
  • Caterer
  • Florist
  • Flight and Room Reservations for Honeymoon

What to Return:

  • Return engagement, shower, and wedding gifts to family and friends with a simple note of thanks and letting them know (without any explanation) that the wedding has been cancelled. Even monogrammed gifts should be returned to the senders. If you already used a gift, you should purchase a replacement to return.

The Wedding Dress Decision:

Deciding what to do with your wedding dress can be an emotional decision. If you aren't ready to make the decision, it is okay to wait awhile before doing so.
  • If you've already purchased your wedding dress, you can decide to either keep it, alter it, sell it, or give it away to a local charity.
  • Some bridal shops may be willing to sell your wedding gown for you as an in-store sample.

Moving On:
 

  • Avoid Animosity: It is important that the two of you think clearly, and without animosity. This is important during a trial separation and possible reconciliation, and it is also important for moving on with your life and plans if the two of you decide that your relationship is over.
  • Recognize Your Grief: Although you may not feel as if you are stressed over this, you probably are. Experiencing the grief of shattered dreams can take you through the stages of disbelief, bargaining, anger, depression, and anger. This is natural at a time like this.
  • Take Care of Yourself: Do take care of yourself. Drink water, exercise, get regular sleep, eat healthy foods, and try to find ways to laugh each day.
  • Don't Destroy Mementos: You may want to get rid of anything that reminds you of your fiance, but don't do it. Pack the letters, photographs, and other mementos away until you can rationally deal with them.
  • Return the Engagement Ring: Regardless of who broke the engagement, according to protocol, the bride should return the engagement ring. The only exceptions to this is if the ring is an heirloom from her own family or if she received the ring as a Christmas or birthday gift.
    Learn More: Engagement Ring Laws

 

If You are the Parents:

Watching your child go through the heartache of a broken engagement is of course difficult. Realize you cannot make the sadness or disappointment or anger go away. You can be helpful in these ways:
  • Listen.
  • Don't say "I told you so" or something similar.
  • Don't share your opinions about the breakup with anyone other than your own spouse or a minister or counselor.
  • Assist with notifying people of the wedding cancellation.
  • Help in canceling wedding arrangements.

How to Postpone Your Wedding Due to Serious Illness or Death

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