Thankfully, runaway brides in reality are very rare.
Why Do Brides Run Away? What Creates Last-Minute Jitters?
Here are some of the reasons that brides run away, what can be done to prevent the phenomenon, and more resources on this extreme form of disengagement.
Sheryl Paul Nissinen of Conscious Weddings states, "So it has become something of a taboo in our culture to utter the words "grief" and "wedding" in the same breath. Yet how could grief and fear not be a part of this transition!""We have the bride and groom letting go of their singlehood and stepping into one of the biggest commitments of their lives; we have the mothers of the bride and groom letting go of their "little ones" and possibly facing their own disappointments about their wedding or marriage; and we have girlfriends freaking out about panty hose color when really they're scared about losing, at least temporarily, their lifelong friend."
"In short, a wedding, as the rite of passage that it is, involves a loss and a gain, a death and a birth, an ending and a beginning."
"And in order to celebrate the joy and embrace the birth that a wedding and new marriage brings, we need to be willing to face our fears, honor our losses, and talk about more than napkin colors and flower arrangements as the big day nears."
More Reasons Brides Run Away:
- Pressure from wedding planning.
- Fear of divorce.
- Too little planning for a life together.
- Fear of disappointing others by backing out of the wedding.
- Shame over postponing or canceling a wedding at the last minute.
- Feeling out of control and overwhelmed.
- Undiscussed issues such as attitudes about money, dealing with problems, and an inability to argue fairly rise to the surface.
- Red flags, warning signs, and an admission to having "cold feet" are dismissed as just normal feelings by fiance, family, or friends.
- Repressed feelings and issues.
- Fear of breaking an engagement.
- Expense, stress and complications of large weddings.
- Long engagements. Pamela Paul of "Time" magazine reported in 2003 that the average period of engagement rose from 11 months in 1999 to 16 months in 2002. Source: "Time", October 6, 2003.
What Can be Done to Prevent Runaway Brides?
- Use the time of planning your wedding day to also focus on building a strong foundation for your marriage. As
Engaged Encounter states, "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime."
- Remember who your wedding is for. It is for the two of you. It is not for your parents, other relatives, or your friends. If you want a simple wedding with less stress, say so!
- Share with one another about your impending wedding and life together.
- If you have doubts, or if you are aware of red flags or warning signs in your relationship, postpone your wedding date until the issues are resolved.
Disengagement Aftermath
Although calling off a wedding is often times the best decision an individual or a couple can make, running away from a wedding rather than facing the issues is not a good decision.The suffering is more intense, the healing process of the breakup takes longer for both the bride and groom, and the feelings of grief, helplessness, rejection, guilt, depression, embarrassment, and bitterness are deeper.
Calling off a wedding takes courage, and the couple involved needs support and understanding. However, although some friends and family may want to throw a "broken engagement shower" or a "She's Out of My Life Bachelor Party", we don't recommend this type of celebration of the end of a relationship.
Books to Read
"There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling It Off & Moving On"by Rachel Safier and Wendy Roberts
"The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"
by Susan Piver
"The Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner"
by Sheryl Paul Nissinen
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