Question
I read your article about marriage altho I have been a widow for 24 years. As I was reading it I thought if only I had read these things to make a happier marriage when I was still married. How much better the marriage would have been.I live in Florida and my son and his wife live in upstate New York. I have two grandchildren. One is 30 and one is 28.
I'm talking about a son who is in his fifties, married, divorced once, and remarried and happy as much as I can tell. I brought him up as a single parent. It wasn't as acceptable then as it is now.
He was a very loving and respectful son when he was growing up. When he married for the first time he changed dramatically towards me. There were some good times but mostly not talking, sometimes for years.
I have on many occasions asked him to just tell me what he has against me that makes him out of control when he gets angry. He never said even when we went to family counseling. We have had our latest bout at Thanksgiving time and my daughter-in-law made things worse by interfering thru the email.
I love my son but I just found out that he very often doesn't tell the truth to me and this is unacceptable behavior. I have had some health issues and now I'm getting back some better health.
As much as I love him when he does this to me it sets me back health wise and I have to make the choice to either continue to get back my health or just except his bad behavior.
It is not in my nature to do this. I am 76 and have always been upfront no matter what the consequences would be and I thought I made this very clear to him as he was growing up and now. But he doesn't get it, obviously.
My grandson has issues and we don't get along. He is very much like his dad.
My granddaughter is the only one that shows me unconditional love. As a matter of fact she always says I'm her role model. She also won an Emmy last year.
My grandson is disrespectful so I chose or maybe he chose not to have a relationship with me. My grandchildren are very close to each other.
It was not always this way with him and me but it is now. I am a very independent person but very loving to my family when they let me and we are all on the same page.
When my husband passed away there was not even money for the next months rent so I got my act together and went to work to survive. Believe it or not, I sold hot dogs on the Intercostal for many years in 100 degree temperature. I had customers that would come from all over to have my hot dogs which were the best and because they liked me. I didn't wear those scanty outfits the young girls wore.
My son is (if you can believe) a very successful family counselor social worker that has just retired from his job that he had for 30 years. Yes everyone loves him and I don't blame them. He is wonderful to be with when he doesn't show the dark side of himself. He still has friends that he grew up with that are more like his family. They are all very tight with each other.
