Answer
We understand your feelings of disappointment and hurt at your daughter's choices during her graduation. However, as she enters her teenage years, this won't be the first time that you will be faced with dealing with her wanting to be close to her dad.Fathers are especially important to daughters during their teen years, and while this is happening, your daughter will start the disengagement process from you which is perfectly normal and healthy.
We believe that parenting is giving our children the gifts of having roots and having wings. You have given and are giving her solid roots in knowing that she has your unconditional love. She will be counting on that, and needing your love, when her father may let her down. When we give the gift of wings, the kids may fly somewhere we aren't too excited about. But that is part of the parenting process.
Don't try to compete with your ex for your daughter's love. Just love her and be there for her. You'll be glad you did when she becomes a young woman, standing on her own two feet, and the two of you have a good relationship as mom and daughter.
Getting over your sense of disappointment at the choices she makes regarding her dad will take a decision. You must decide to not play the game your ex-husband is playing. It won't be easy, but you owe it to your children and to yourself to not play the competition game with your ex-husband.
As to your kids... well, they are kids. Being upset with them accomplishes nothing. Try to spend some fun time with them to counteract the shopping sprees and fun times your ex-husband takes them on. Through the years, they will remember a picnic in the park with you over his buying them some toys.
As for your own sense of peace, concentrate on taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Your ex-husband doesn't deserve an ounce of your positive energy. Give yourself some time to deal with the grieving issues because you are in grief. Your marriage and the dreams that were with it have died.
Proceed to the next question.
