Answer
First off, please know that our hearts are with you in the pain you must have felt, and at times still feel, over the loss of your dad.It appears from your post that you married with expectations of his changing, and that there is not much left of your marriage to salvage. You've done what we normally recommend - discuss the issues, stop the nagging, and see a marriage counselor.
Since you and your husband seem to be at an impasse and unable to communicate, it might be best for your own emotional health to separate. Sometimes a separation helps a couple focus on what is important and what isn't important in their marriage relationship.
Additionally, we believe your husband is putting you at a legal risk by smoking pot in your home.
We do think it would be helpful for you to continue to see a counselor on your own to deal with your own feelings since you have had so much to deal with in a short span of time.
Do take care of yourself.
Proceed to the next question.
