Question
I hope it's not out of line to ask you about this, but this issue is just messing with my day and productivity and I'd like a second opinion.I found a charge to a cabin resort on our bank statement and couldn't figure out how or why it was there except that my husband had made the reservation. I asked the Divorce Support forum for advice, but now I'm feeling uncertain about their suggestions of checking his cell phone records, keeping quiet while looking for more clues, etc.
I feel those tactics could poison my marriage. Also, as the days go by, I think that I overreacted due to a past issue. I feel weird about posting to the Marriage forum right after posting to the Divorce forum (I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings), but I'd like a second opinion:
1. I recalled that a few months ago, he mentioned helping his supervisor buy wedding anniversary gifts with his check card since she does not have any card at all. I feel pretty secure about those two, but he never mentioned a resort reservation. Last night, I asked about the supervisor's anniversary and again he just mentioned the gifts. But he saw something was wrong and got me to tell him about the resort charge. He said, "Yeah, that's where they went after the party," and "at least you didn't actually accuse me."
2. Before he left for a tournament in another state this past weekend, he gave me a pre-birthday present. This is not totally unheard of for him, but I was uneasy for some reason.
3. He's been telling me a lot about his office work, his hopes and dreams, movies, in fact he's talking a lot more lately. Before he left for the tournament, he also made plans for dinner and movie and although he came back much later than expected, he was determined to see them through. He's talked about spending more time with me (we're both very busy) and seems disappointed when we don't.
4. Lately, at night he's been drawing me close and whispering how much he loves me (sometimes he gets too frisky and I get crabby because I want to sleep). This is not unheard either though it's been a while.
5. He's visited the man holding the tournament before. When he came back, he said the man (a traditional Japanese) offered three girls to attend to his bath, but he refused. When I thanked him, he got very quiet and somber. He was also very quiet and somber after I asked about the reservation.
Someone told me that #4 especially could be a smoke screen. But could this really be the behavior of someone who's cheating? I don't mind staying alert for signs of trouble, but are there enough danger signs to warrant snooping?
Sorry for the long e-mail. I'll take a short one-liner, but please talk to me. I'm getting no work done today, and I can't go on like this.
