If you find yourselves unexpectedly having wall-to-wall people in your home, it is critical that you and your spouse communicate not only with one another, but with those you are helping.
Remember that the crowded housing situation is hopefully temporary, keep your sense of humor, and if you fall short on any of these suggestions, that tomorrow is another day!
Filling the Four Basic Emotional Needs
Although you will be providing for the physical needs of your family and friends, emotional needs exist, too.Not only the two of you, but your guests, need to have four emotional needs met.
- The need to love and be loved.
- The need to belong.
- The need to have a positive self image.
- The need for autonomy, that is a need for some space.
You can't wait for someone else to fill your emotional needs. Take responsibility for filling them yourself.
However, there may be times when you have to ask for help in filling your emotional needs. The best way to have your emotional needs met is to talk about them with each other.
What You Need to Do
- Recognize that these people you care deeply about may feel stunned, helpless, depressed, scared, concerned, exhausted, angry, thankful, confused, and stressed.
- Accept that it will be a stressful, demanding time in your marriage.
- Talk with each other about how you will handle issues such as the increased demand on your budget, lack of privacy, and changes in your own plans.
- Don't put your lives on hold or neglect your marriage.
- Be practical. You aren't super heroes. You can only do what you can do. Don't allow yourselves to become overloaded physically, financially, or emotionally.
- As soon as possible, establish some sort of normal routine for everyone.
- Maintain a place where the two of you can have some privacy.
- Lower your housekeeping expectations. This is not a time to expect having a perfect looking home.
- Allow your family and friends to grieve their loss. When pictures, family antiques, and other mementoes are destroyed, it takes time to deal with the reality that they are gone.
- Take care of yourselves physically. Make sure you are eating healthy foods, getting exercise, and sleeping regularly.
- Remind yourselves why you are doing this.
What Your Guests Need to Do
- Believe that your hosts love you and want you in their home.
- Accept that you may feel helpless, stunned, depressed, scared, concerned, exhausted, angry, thankful, confused, and stressed.
- Recognize that your hosts may also have feelings of stress, fear, and uncertainty.
- Realize that it is okay to ask for help. Take an active role in asking for help from community and government agencies.
- Don't sit in front of the television or computer for hours on end watching and absorbing all the news of the day about the disaster or crisis. Get outside, read a book, clean a cabinet. Give yourselves a break from the news.
- Don't make any major decisions quickly. Give yourselves some time first.
- Accept that you will grieve the loss of what you had and what was and that grieving these things is okay.
Intergenerational Household Tips
- Be honest with one another.
- Make sure that everyone is doing their share in maintaining the household. Don't let all the chores become the responsibility of one person.
- Discuss ways that everyone in the household can be involved and productive members.
- Keep the lines of communication open and share expectations with each other on a daily basis.
- Don't expect one another to be mind readers.
- Keep in mind the importance of being patient and being flexible.
