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Want to Be Happy in Your Marriage? Look Inward

Don't Depend on Only Your Marriage to Bring You Happiness


Photo: Stockbyte / Getty Images
Photo: Stockbyte / Getty Images

A study published in 2012 in the Journal of Research in Personality reported "that while married people are not necessarily happier than they were when they were single, marriage 'appears to protect against normal declines in happiness during adulthood” that happen over time.'" Regardless of the study, remember that marriage alone cannot bring you happiness.

A Happy Marriage Comes From Within

Your happiness both as an individual and as a married partner must come from within yourself. Being married can add to your happiness and health, but marriage is not and should not be the primary source of your happiness.
Anne Becker: "... getting married is not necessarily the key to achieving eternal bliss. Most people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were prior to marriage in a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology."
Source: Anne Becker. "Marriage Is Not the Key to Happiness." PsychologyToday.com. 3/18/2003.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself."

Tracy McMillan: "... get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry." 
Source: Tracy McMillan: "Why You're Not Married." HuffingtonPost.com. 2/13/2011.

Dalai Lama XIV: "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

A Few Strategies for Creating a Happier You and a Happy Marriage

  • Like yourself.
  • Be yourself.
  • Be nice to one another.
  • Show mutual respect.
  • Be supportive of each other.
  • Agree to have fair fights.
  • Each evening, share with one another three happy things that you noticed during the day. Talk about why these moments of happiness occurred.
  • Both of you write down how you want to be remembered. Talk with your spouse about how the way you are living your lives helps or takes away from what's important to you both.
  • Make a list of things that make you happy such as a sunny day, a hot bath, a child's laugh. Create ways to include these happy times in your life more often.
  • Do a random act of kindness not only for a stranger each day, but also for one another. Don't talk about these acts of kindness with one another. They are for your own personal self-esteem and growth.
  • Fill your own emotional needs.
  • Compliment and affirm your spouse.

Word of Caution

We are not saying that you can create a happy marriage when there is infidelity, abuse, lying, etc.

If you are in a dysfunctional marriage, please seek professional counseling so you can make an informed and rational decision as to whether or not your marriage is worth saving.

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