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"The Verbally Abusive Relationship"

User Rating 4 out of 5
5 out of 5 5 out of 5
The Verbally Abusive RelationshipMarch 31, 2012 By carolelynne43
This opened my eyes to a marriage of 48 years and the need to leave ( after a lot of counseling/medication) for my own health...physical, mental and spiritual. As to being a book with gender bias....just switch the gender as you read...if needed. The English language offers no neutral there and for the author to switch genders through the book to make it ""equal"" would only have made it confusing. Great eye opener to what I have known and denied etc for way too long.........maybe it will lengthen my productive and future life...30 years as my parents had? :)
7 of 7 people found this review helpful.
5 out of 5 5 out of 5
Verbally Abusive RelationshipsApril 14, 2009 By fhs72grad
I wandered into the nonfiction section of my local library one day, not intending to get a nonfic book. When I saw the title of this book, I actually turned about to see if anyone was watching me. I took the book out of the stacks and found a private corner to start reading. I literally could have read the whole book right therein the library. Because I am from the community, I did not want anyone to know I was checking out the book. So I hurriedly pick out 4 or 5 other books to sandwich this one amongst. I quickly checked out, hoping the librarian did not pay attention to the titles. Anyway, I had to hide the book at home so my husband would not see it. When he makes his daily visits to his mother, something that has been the number one major problem in our 30 year marriage, I would retrieve the book from its hiding place and read. From page 1, I was hooked. I read much of the book with mouth wide open in disbelief that somehow patricia evans knew me. How had she invaded my home all these years and watched my husband verbally control me? I am a person with a masters degree in family counseling, yet I did not see what was happening. I am so embarrassed. I am the pleaser she described, always trying to avoid an argument and walking on eggshells. This book proved I am not insane and it is not my fault. He comes from an controlling, alcoholic father, and he is becoming more controlling everyday. I read the book twice, and I now have the confidence to leave him. I am stockpiling money in a private account, decluttering the whole house in preparation to put it up for sale, taking things to goodwill, well, you get the picture. This book is a godsend; I just thought he was jealous...........no, ladies, if you THINK something is wrong, read this book. It will show you all the ways that your husband is controlling and threatening you. There are things outlined in the book that I never would have thought that happened in any other marriage but mine. The book is right-on target. A must read. Thanks, Patricia Evans...............
44 of 45 people found this review helpful.
2 out of 5 2 out of 5
Verbal abuseFebruary 08, 2009 By mroutside
My wife got this book before I met her, but I read it. It obviously rang true for her because she made numerous highlights and notes in the margins. This book explains in great detail what verbal abuse by men does to women. It's written by a woman for other women. The author interviewed 40 abused women for this book. Who was it written for? Abused women? But they already know they're abused. Abusive men? So they might change and be nicer to their partners? The book is so prejudicial and inflammatory that no man would say after reading this, ""Oh, that's me. I'm so sorry, honey..."" It's a 200 page indictment not only of the verbal abuse itself, but of the man behind it. There are associations to Hitler, women beaters, and rapists. So why DO men verbally abuse women? Because they're abusive people, of course! Not a single sentence seeks to understand the man's point of view. In the frequently-asked-questions section near the end the author admits she has ""little information on that topic"", the topic being men's experience of being verbally abused in relationships. In the next sentence she speculates about it anyway. Most books have personal accounts told by the victims. This book has its share. But unlike other authors, Ms Evans can't resist inserting her own comments into some of the accounts. The book makes the sweeping statement that ""All verbal abuse is irrational"". Since the author also states she has little information on the abuser's point of view how would she know? In short, I think this book is for women who want support and advice on leaving their men. There are many women who should do exactly that. For women who want to stay with their men this book is not the way. What is the way? Well, first of all don't accept the abuse (Ms Evans is right about that). But then try to find out why men do what they do. It may not even be about you.
12 of 24 people found this review helpful.
5 out of 5 5 out of 5
Verbal AbuseJanuary 26, 2009 By Lois1957
I was married 22 yrs, and was emotionally distant for the last 3-5. I bought this book at a church garage sale for $1. I knew that my husband said things that were of verbal abuse nature, but not until I read this book did I realize that my whole life with my husband was abusive. I am A.D.D., which means its hard for me to sit and concentrate on any one thing for too long, especially a book or paperwork. But, I read this book from end to end. I'm a strong woman; outgoing; business owner of 24 yrs. This book helped me realize many things. It made me cry, and explained that your grief that you're feeling isn't from what was - but, rather the grieving of loss, for all that was to be - your future years together are gone. I realized it wasn't me. I felt lost, sad, unimportant to anyone. I wanted to run away. This book was a sign to me. It truly saved me, and got me out of there. I started therapy after I left, to understand myself more so not to get involved with another abuser. I'm known as a ""pleaser"", and verbal abusers love us. We take the blame for everything - because we are usually the happy go lucky ones that don't like conflict. So, we talk and talk and talk - hoping things will change. It won't. The other thing this book does is it tells you that by the time your finished reading it, you will recognize verbal abuse in any situation; be it siblings, co-workers, friends, spouses, acquaintances...........in anyone. And - it does. I think this book should be a requirement in all high schools; and given to every young woman out there to read. If I had read this 30 years ago, I know it would have made a difference because I would have known the signs of a unhealthy relationship, and the damage it would bring to the family circle if another generation continues down that path. Its too late for me, but I'm hoping now to get help for my daughters so that they are ""aware and awake"" to the signs.
96 of 98 people found this review helpful.