When and How I Learned My Spouse Was Unfaithful
We had been married about 17 years and hubby was spending more time at the computer. He had joined a newsgroup and had several IRL meetings with various members. I even went along with him once. I stumbled on an open screen one day that showed a chat window -- this was no news groups conversation!! I asked a friend to help me search the computer history and saw that he had spent many, many hours on chat and porn sites. In addition to that, he had a 1-800 number for work and when I checked those records, I saw had he had several hour long conversations with a single residential number for the past several years.
How I Coped
I was devastated and I was determined to keep this from my teenage children as long as I could while working to restore the relationship. I told my pastor of my suspicions and he told me I was wrong and told my husband what I had confided. I told my boss and she suggested that I ask him to have the decency to let me know when the online and telephone relationship escalated so that I would be able to protect myself. I asked a trusted friend what to do and she suggested that I make photo copy records of all our financial info along with copies of any e-mails and phone records. I asked my doctor what to do and he suggested counseling. I arranged for another place to live (but never did have to move out) and went into weekly counseling sessions. I asked hubby to join me in counseling and we went to a Retrouvaille weekend together -- that saved our marriage. It has taken YEARS to rebuild the trust.
Advice
- We both made poor choices. I spent far too much time building a business and ignoring my husband and family. I am very thankful that I shared this with only very few people. All of them are still close to me and have prayed for our marriage. My husband is also very thankful that I didn't involve our children or many others -- our marriage would not have survived that.
- To those that have spouses they suspect are cheating on them, do your homework. Confront him, but not before you have a plan in place for you and the children. Get professional help and contact Retrouvaille.org - they can and will help
