When and How I Learned My Spouse Was Unfaithful
After he was caught, I learned of 4 others I suspected long ago
How I Coped
)we've been married over 20 years. The first time I suspected an affair was when my kids were very young. He is the youngest in his family, so child-rearing and taking care of anyone but himself was a foreign concept. I had no proof at the time, and with him at work til late hours, and me working fulltime and taking care of our kids (because he was never home to), I had no time to investigate. There were a number of hang-up calls back in those days (before Caller ID), and I picked up the phone when someone called him. I asked him who it was and he said her name. Thinking it was our sitter, I picked up the line in another room, and she hung up. He went absolutely ballistic! Turns out, it was his ex, not our sitter - asked him why he got so pissed at me??? Said he'd not spoken to her in a long time, and now she probably won't call back! (WTF???) She shouldn't!! Anyway, that was the first sign. Second was daughters Sunday School teacher (yeah,,, them christian women). Knew about that one but couldn't get solid proof to shove in his face. Third was a co-worker in GA (he traveled alot). 4th was another local co-worker - 5th was yet another co-worker (Christian again)...there's where I finally found proof. Sadly though, it was our daughter who caught him - overheard a phone conversation, when he thought he'd hung up his cell after talking to daughter. - telling this woman how horrible he felt- promising he would spend the day after xmas with her. We were expecting family in for xmas, so I said nothing. Day after xmas, took youngest to ER with Pneumonia. He, instead went to the "gym". I came home from the ER, put her in bed, and went through his laptop bag, and found a receipt for flowers delivered to her on xmas eve. with a love note. He came home at 6:30 pm (never asked about his sick daughter), and I confronted him with the proof. First he denied and I told him about the phone conv. Later, after talking with others, found out that the other affairs were NOT in my head. He has cheated on me since 3 yrs marriage - claiming he felt neglected REALLY? YOU felt neglected???- How about manning up and taking on some of the parenting duties?>> I worked full time, overtime and did EVERYTHING with little participation from him, other than financial support.
He made me think I was just jealous - that was part of the fun for him I think. One of those people who is used to mass amounts of un-shared attention, so it'll never be enough with just me.
- . We went to counseling, which kept us together, but he would not admit to more than an "emotional affair", with some touching.. yeahh... sure.
- adamantly denies other affairs, but I have very very trusted sources who tell me otherwise.
- You can't rebuild on lies - I will NEVER trust him fully because I know he is still lying.
- Do NOT trust a spouse who has cheated - especially repeat cheaters
- Decide if you want to keep living this hell or get out.
- Wish I'd confronted her, but didnt want to jepordize his job.
- I wish I'd kicked him out, as I never had time to digest this without him being around.