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Readers Respond: Do You Regret Divorcing Your Spouse?

Responses: 97

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Knowing when to call it quits in your marriage is one of the hardest decisions a person has to make. Even though the decision to divorce is usually made when all other options have been tried, you may feel regret about getting divorced. If you do feel regrets about getting a divorce, what are they? Are there things you did you wish you could change? What would you do differently? Share Your Thoughts

I Don't Know Anything But One Thing

I was married nearly 12 years. And was convinced I was the most miserable, unhappy and awful that I could possibly have been. I know neither of us were happy or making a real marriage and it had been that way for years and years. So, I pushed ahead with the divorce - even though I know my ex-wife would never have gone through with it. She would have maintained that situation for decades more I'm certain. But we had two young boys and I was sure the environment we'd made was hurtful to them and I convinced myself again that divorced at least they wouldn't have to see that much unhappiness. Well, now it's been over a year after the divorce. I am decidedly not a happy person a year removed. I have sunken into a worse depression than ever - mostly because I miss my children almost constantly. My ex-wife seems to be more miserable for the divorce, so I worry for the boys all the time. I regret that I didn't swallow my pride and stay with my children. Divorce was such a mistake.
—Guest Michael

If I Can Turn Back the Hands of Time ...

My ex and I somewhat amicably divorced in 2009. At the time, we were both unhappy, arguing daily, sometimes fighting, and breaking away from each other. We were in our late 20's so it seemed fitting for us to divorce and live out the rest of our 20's in peace. Thinking it would be a great idea, I left and flew back home to my family. The first several weeks were okay, but still, I felt uneasy and began questioning if I had done the right thing by agreeing to split. Later on that year, I found out he was spending the holidays with someone new and I was heartbroken, I knew this was the end. Even when we would talk on the phone, I knew he was no longer "there". For the next year, my life spiraled out of control and I knew I would never be the same, Never. Fast forward to today, he is remarried and now a father of one. I wish to this very day it could have been me, but I know it's over. I am now slowly but surely moving on, but deep inside ... I still love him. I need to be strong.
—Guest "Nina"

It Was a Horrible Mistake

I regret it. I was married 23 years and felt very unloved, mistreated, verbally abused (i was guilty of this too upon reflection) and fell into an affair with an old flame that I thought was just going to be a friendship. I was so lost, I had no discipline in my life, I was out of my mind over this other guy and I wouldn't let my husband fix his mistakes. My husband tried everything for 2 years! I wish I would have had the discipline to make things right with my husband, to stay true to my vows and the christian woman I was. I spent my whole life building a reputation and destroyed it over lust. My now ex husband forgives me and by the Grace of God has healed but I will forever live with what I did to him.
—Lakemedina

Think Carefully

My marriage was getting a bit stale. No real intimacy and routine. My wife was very routine in most things an unadventourous. I found she had been seeing her ex husband and a few intimate texts had been sent but she said this was only joking around trying to add some spice into each oters lives. So i went and looked up an old girlfirend and have been seeing her for 4 months after telling my wife we were through. When i told her she begged me to stay and said she would do anything but i said no. Now 4 months later I can see how hurt she fells and fell guilty as she is adamant that the meetings were purely platonic and that there was no sex or intimacy. I now really fell i dont want to give up on out 20yr marriage as there were many good things that I couldnt see when i was originally hurt. Now i have 2 people who are in love with me and if i want to forgive my wife i will have to break my new girls heart. So the grass may be greener but it still needs cutting.
—Guest Phill

I Can't Believe It

I thought I found my soul mate , wow she turned out to be a real slut , she slept with whoever she could it that would
—Guest Bill

It's Been Almost 3 Years

My ex husband and I were together 12 years of those 12 years we were married almost 5 of them. We have a son who will be 8 soon. He hunts and fishes and drank a lot. Seemed to always be that he wanted to do anything as long as I wasn't there. I asked for the divorce because I was tired of being alone not because I no longer loved this man. Our divorce has been finalized for almost 3 years. He remarried almost 2 years ago to woman we both knew and who cheats on him. The love I feel for this man has grown deeper and deeper over the last year. I am in a relationship but won't fully commit to him because I want my ex husband back. Is it possible to reconcile and have the man I love back? How should I approach this situation? Editor's Note: Yes, it is possible to reconcile and make the relationship a success. I did it and we almost made it to 50 years together before my guy died. However, at the time of our reconciliation neither of us was involved with another person. I don't think it is a good idea to approach a reconciliation while your ex is still married.
—Guest Rusti

Not For One Second

I started seeing my ex-husband at university. He was a rebound and I wasn't really that into him. I always had a lot of male attention but he was incredibly persistent - so I gave in, and then that was it, he wouldn't let go. He didn't want me seeing my friends (even female) without him. We had to see each other every day. He had anger issues. He was insecure, immature and spoiled by being the youngest in his family. I broke up with him so many times but he always came back. I didn't enjoy sex with him at all. I was young and I married him, but woke up one day to realise that this was my life and I couldn't spend it with him. I couldn't stand being around him. He was jealous, possessive and I was suffocating. It was hard but I left. That was over 15 years ago. I am single, with no children, but I have not had one second of regret, as much as I would like a child and a family of my own. I am free and I have a chance to meet the right person. He said I would regret it. I don't.
—Guest Phoenix Rising

Pops

My kids are happy to leave and are happily packing their bags. I don't know how to react.
—Guest Matt

Forgive, Reconcile, and Restore

This will be a short message to all those on this message thread who have the opportunity to reconcile a broken, separated, or divorced marriage. There is no better feeling than expressing (and receiving) true unconditional love, and the most effective way to do this is to accept the other person just as they are, just as the person you married. If they have changed, there were probably personal, medical, and situational factors that contributed to those changes. Moreover, you were most likely there experiencing those factors along side the person you love ... and may have even contributed in some way. To the point, forgiveness is the first step to reconciliation and restoration. Both sides need to be able to give (& receive) forgiveness, in order to make it through the reconciliation process, eventually leading to restoration. If there is any chance at this, please do not let the opportunity pass by. It may take some serious selfless effort, but it will be worth it. God bless.
—Guest Reconcile Smile

Regret Is Counter Productive

I really love this community. We are women (and some men) who have lived, loved, and experienced life. We are strong, we have a voice and a sound conscious. I want to encourage every woman (and man) out there who hold regrets. You are NOT alone. You divorced for a reason, explore the good, the bad and the ugly of the situation and move forward. Do not skip your cycles of grief. Embrace it, cry, scream, do what you need to do and be in the moment. Assess what you have learned, and create yourself again. If you find that you are paralyzed by your grief, do one thing a day that is productive ie.... "Today I will clean out one drawer." Sounds elementary but you will be amazed at how your one goal will jump start your life ! Remember..... You are beautiful, you have worth, your higher self knows why you made the decision or became a recipient of divorce. Finally, you are loved..... Therefore love yourself! LG
—Guest Iisajean

Miss My Wife

Well my wife and I are getting divorced. I miss her and I know she misses me. She wanted to work things out and I didn't. But then I changed my mind and wanted to work things out but I was already living with someone else. My wife told me she forgives me and wants her family back. We got into a fight and both got locked up. I still love her and she still loves me. The things I will miss the most if we never get back together is the vacations we took. The summer times we spent outside and the holidays we had. But for a long time before we even got divorced she said she couldn't say she loved me. But then I think when it was to late she started to say I love you. We have been married for 15 years and together for 18 years. She was a good woman who kept the home clean while I worked. Yeah we had our moment's but everyone does. I still believe even though we filed for divorce it's still not final and if we give it a chance by being apart for a while we may work things out.
—Guest leave it blank

Should I Divorce

After 30 years, I am tired of not being to make decisions with my husband. It is always his way. Also, sex is very unsatisfactory. He has older parents and I understand the need to help them but he is constantly there and never with me. I just feel like I want to be independent. I don't want any of our assets, I just want independence. I can't make a decision about this as he is a good person; it is I who have changed.
—Guest Unsure

All the Wrong Reasons

i loved him, but not enough. my reasoning for marrying him was that we were having a baby. i was a teen and thats what my family wanted. against my own instincts i agreed. after my daughter was born, he became verbally emotionally and sexually abusive. i left. came back, left, came back, we left the province together, and i left him again. when i left the final time i was in labour (25 hrs in) when he got on a plane to go party. when he came back i told him it was over. how could i put a second child in that situation? i couldnt. the only reason i tried and tried was for our daughter. so i could give her what she wanted. mom and dad together. now hes in another province and doesnt speak to her. my heart breaks for her, and i cant help but blame myself for her hurt. if i would just put up with the abuse she would be happy and still have her dad. im so conflicted... im sorry for dumping here. Editor's Note: No one should have to put up with abuse. Your daughter may not understand now, but someday she will.
—Guest Allana

Broken

I was married for twenty eight years. Throughout the marriage I never felt I was the priority. There was no intimacy at all. However, I loved this man with my whole heart and decided it was best to accept this standard of living. He would allow our grown daughter to disrespect me on a daily basis. It was very abusive. I did all I could, begged cajoled and finally filed for divorce. I gave him 3 issues that needed to be addressed and I would stay and rebuild our life together. He would not acknowledge them, during this process my Mother died. He was untruthful with our girls as to why we divorced. So now I feel that I have lost my girls , my Mom and my marriage. In addition, he would not let me have visitation of our two dogs once a month. I know I filed and I know that these are my choices, however the loss is paralyzing. If anyone has any encouragement it would be appreciated. Editor's Note: You sound like a strong woman. Hopefully, as your children get older, they will be more understanding of why you left their father. Be good to yourself.
—Guest Lisajean

Please Be Sure

When I first left, I was never so sure of anything in my life. Now, 18 mos. later, I question my decision. I miss my family immensely. Yes, he had his faults, so did I. But I should have insisted we worked on them before I bailed. I am positive no one will pamper me the way he did during the good years, but that is the price I shall pay.
—Guest Samantha

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Do You Regret Divorcing Your Spouse?

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