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Readers Respond: Do You Regret Divorcing Your Spouse?

Responses: 111

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Knowing when to call it quits in your marriage is one of the hardest decisions a person has to make. Even though the decision to divorce is usually made when all other options have been tried, you may feel regret about getting divorced. If you do feel regrets about getting a divorce, what are they? Are there things you did you wish you could change? What would you do differently? Share Your Thoughts

Advise

I am married for 15 yrs with son & a daughter, was bankrupt couple of yrs ago , but made comeback well. My wife is also in same profession but she don't do nothing .She wants to be a housewife all her life. we always discuss this & it ends for no talks for couple of days . we are doctors, kids are growing & all financial burden is on me , earlier I used to drink n smoke , stopped as kid have started noticing things . I am trying to change any way required for kids but my marriage seems over to me. pls advice. Editor's Note: Please consider seeing a professional therapist.
—Guest jaggu

Not Yet

My husband and I are separated after 19 years of marriage. We still love each other, and are best friends. For the first 16 years I never stood up for myself. When I did start it was very hard for my husband to hear my argue back. We lost our son a year ago, and I don't have the energy to pamper my husbands feelings. I love him, and I hope we can find our way back together, but I can't handle the pain of him being "mean" and me not being able to say anything. If I tell him that he upset me it always turns into a big fight and I feel worse. It doesn't matter how carefully I tell him, he feels attacked. I don't have the energy, I am mourning and all I can do is pray that one day my husband realizes that I am entitled to my feelings. I have bought a house, moved in.. Any regrets? Not yet, but only because I believe that we will find each other again.. Editor's Note: My heart goes out to you. Losing a child can truly break your heart. I hope your husband becomes more sensitive to your heartache.
—jennyapeep

Marriage Breakdown

no i dont regret divorcing . i had fell out of love years ago because of an affair but stayed because of the children. the hardest thing i have done but i have a better life as a single person now
—Guest suliza

I Lost My Love Because of My Anger

I dated my wife for a very long time 10 years. I was in the army and she stood by my side through two deployments, and we moved in together after I got out. Things were rocky, because I was angry and did not know how to manage my anger. She still stood by my side. We got married, and things were good for a while, and then with work I became stressed. I'm not going to lie, I did not appreciate her or the loving home I had, and I put her through hell. I emotionally and physically abused her, always put the blame on her, never took responsibility. I filed for divorce because I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I regret divorcing this woman, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't realize I was leaving something awesome for something worse. I listened to friends who were in no position to give me advice. I made a huge mistake and wish I would have tried to make it work. My life has never been the same. She refuses to have anything to do with me!
—Guest Ryan

Gordo

i was married for 8 years i divorced her i was in a depression state and i went from the house on th 15th dec 2009 i do not want happened that day the biggest mistake of my life was leaving and i cannot get that back we was talking this year on the phone because her mother and father died we talked for a good five weeks and then it just stopped she did not pick the phone upany more i did think we could have made up again but no i think she did see my darther but i dont no i just wish it could happen but i just wish
—Guest gordo

Can Someone Answer Me Please?

Do women in menopause who divorce or who breakup with their live in boyfriend ever have a change of heart and come back to their relationship? do they regret and come to a point emotionally and mentally where they realize they may have over reacted? Or do i need to just move on because they are never coming back after menopause?
—Guest Eric

Don't Know What To Do. To Marry or Not

I've been with BF for 3 yrs, on and off relationship. I love him but he gives me mixed gut feelings. He seems loving, caring, and always wants to be with me. But if we are apart, he gets bothered by that and will call me and text non-stop numerous times in a short period of time (it has been as many as 100 times in a day), this is one example. Sometimes I'm busy at the grocery store, driving, and I have tested him to see how far he would go because I question myself about him. We have a baby, when BF is mad at me he distances himself from baby too. We just moved in together. He is not very cautious about baby's surroundings so I don't leave them alone with baby. He seems to love our child though. Close ones tell me he is controlling, manipulative, too pushy and isn't helpful with baby. He just wants me there. Editor's Note: There are lots of red flags in your post and considering what people close to you have said, I hope you talk with a marriage counselor before getting married. Your BF's attitude towards your child when he is upset with you is very troubling, too.
—Guest Teresa

I Feel Cheated

My wife divorced me two months ago and I moved out of the house seven months ago. We've been together for 12 years, married for 8 years and we have two wonderful boys that are 6 and almost 4. The reason she left me was because I never made her my first priority and I rejected her way too much when she'd want to get intimate. I even had the same problem with my prior girlfriend. I feel terrible on how I treated my wife ... and I just always felt so lost when we'd argue about it all and I'd get overwhelmed with everything else. I'm still going to therapy and recently figuring out that I might have ADD/ADHD. I'm going to a specialist now in a few weeks to get examined. Now I'm afraid about the results and I'm pretty sure that's my problem ever since childhood. Everything I've read about it fits me to a tee. I miss my ex-wife so much and our boys are always praying to God for our family to get back together. If I'd known earlier I'd get help and save our marriage. Does she deserve to know? Editor's Note: Yes, I believe she should know if you are diagnosed ADD/ADHD. Your sons could have some of the same issues concerning ADD/ADHD in their lives.
—Guest Andrew

What if's....

I married my ex-husband 13 yrs. ago. We lived together for 4 yrs. before we got married. We both had children from our previous marriage which made our lives very complicated. We fought constantly over the kids, but loved one another deeply. I had to deal with his ex-wife on a daily basis which caused serious jealously issues on my part and my ex didn't respect my wishes to tone down the contact between them. We separated 8 times in 11 yrs. over the same issues, but looking back on it now, I wished that we would have tried to work things out. I am remarried now to an alcoholic that can be verbally abusive at times. I feel depressed most of the time and wished things could be different. My ex has remarried but since divorce and is now living with another woman. Looking back on my marriage to my ex, I thought life couldn't get any worse than being with him, but I was wrong. We never had closure and I still think about him everyday and wished I could turn back the hands of time.
—Angeleyes52

Regret

I do regret it. Looking back, I can only remember all the good times. I jumped into a new relationship very quickly and can't help but compare it to my marraige, that was actually a much better relationship than my current one. Not a fun feeling at all. The zoloft seems to help.
—Guest Mom of 2

Thinking About Divorce

I married at a age 19 didn't know the guy very well fell in love .. after nearly 2 months while we were married he started behaving violently crashing the house all due to alcohol. After a year I gave birth to our first child when my son was few months old i got my first black eye. when my son turned 1 year old I got pregnent again even tho it wasnt planned and ith twins his behavior stayed the same when i threatened to leave he would stop drinking and in a few months start again I left and came back few times afterwards my son got sick got epilepsy and that was a struggle due to my early bith with the twins one had consicuinces due to labor and has celebralis paralysis. the last time i left and filed for the devorce and after a while gave him another chance and paused the devorce he has been soer for more than a year and his behavior was ok,but recently i cot him drinking again and i dont have the strenght .
—nejra88

Finding God and a Boy Friend

I was married for 23 years to someone i thought loved me. Right around the holidays we had a disagreement about our 23 year old son and she stopped talking to me.That led to her TEXTING me at work that she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. Come to find out from our 15 year old daughter shes been havin an affair with someone she was talking with on facebook. She actually told our daughter that she wanted to have sex with him in the back of my truck. Heres the best part the guy is a "pastor"of a "church" with 20 members. All women. Its been 5 months and im still in shock i thought i would be with this woman forever. Although i didnt want the divorce i know ill be better off in the long run. i now question if this person ever loved me at all.
—Guest heartbroken in il

Why Should I or Shouldn't I?

I've been married for almost 6 years and been with my wife for 11 total, after 2 beautiful boys I feel life has changed the way she is to me, never listening, always fighting, arguing, complaining about trivial stuff, our values are different, I don't see her the same way, im not attracted to her, I work a lot but always make time for family time, and always make more time on the weekends, so my boys are covered, we even have help with our kids, but I feel that my wife is emotionally and physically unavailable. We have had GREAT times, but it's only those times, after that it's more possessive controlling, and no compromise. I'm 35 and so is she, I'm thinking if it's this bad, maybe we should call it quits so that each of us still has a chance while we still got a couple of years in us and most importantly take care of the kids. The Boys are the one major aspect that is breaking my heart cause I never wanted to put them through something like this, but it wouldn't be fair. HELP
—Guest Marv

How To Win Back My Husband

i found out that my husband has been cheating on me (online) for more than a month, just last week when i got no internet at home. i am in the Philippines and he’s in uk. i know we’re so apart but is it not enough reason to cheat? he was flirting and doing stuff with girls online. he deleted all the things i could see and he didn't intend to tell me about it but i still found it out. when i asked him to confess, he said he’s not cheating. then he admitted some things but not everything so it wouldn't make it more worse. he’s the kind of guy who will never admit a thing till he’s cornered with proofs. i was 7 months pregnant and i'm worried about my baby. i cant help but to think all the time about what my lover is doing to me. i never thought he’d do that coz i know he loves me so much. but why would he flirt and cheat on me and do stuff with girls on cam? one morning he called me and told me that the relationship is over and that he don't need me anymore i felt so hurt and betrayed.
—Guest shelley

I Don't Know Anything But One Thing

I was married nearly 12 years. And was convinced I was the most miserable, unhappy and awful that I could possibly have been. I know neither of us were happy or making a real marriage and it had been that way for years and years. So, I pushed ahead with the divorce - even though I know my ex-wife would never have gone through with it. She would have maintained that situation for decades more I'm certain. But we had two young boys and I was sure the environment we'd made was hurtful to them and I convinced myself again that divorced at least they wouldn't have to see that much unhappiness. Well, now it's been over a year after the divorce. I am decidedly not a happy person a year removed. I have sunken into a worse depression than ever - mostly because I miss my children almost constantly. My ex-wife seems to be more miserable for the divorce, so I worry for the boys all the time. I regret that I didn't swallow my pride and stay with my children. Divorce was such a mistake.
—Guest Michael

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Do You Regret Divorcing Your Spouse?

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