Knowing when to call it quits in your marriage is one of the hardest decisions a person has to make. Even though the decision to divorce is usually made when all other options have been tried, you may feel regret about getting divorced. If you do feel regrets about getting a divorce, what are they? Are there things you did you wish you could change? What would you do differently? Readers respond to these questions.
I Think I Did the Right Thing ...
- I finally left my husband three years after he was physically abusive. I "woke up" one day and realized I hadn't really laughed in years. My now ex husband gave me wonderful gifts and we had an amazing lifestyle. However, he wouldn't go to counseling until I had one foot out the door and he called me terrible names when I told him I'm not sure I can get past the physical abuse. One day he told me just to "get over it". I think I did the right thing by leaving but the loneliness is horrible. I can't go back because he got online, met a woman, and got her pregnant... I guess that shows his character. The loneliness now is just horrid. I would have done things different but I'll never know if that would have changed anything...
- —Guest Tired
I Wish They Had...But I'm Never Going To
- My mother and father had a horrible relationship. No love whatsoever. Never separated until I got married. I remember praying at my Sunday class that my mom and my dad will get divorced. I'm in love with the greatest person in the universe. And I will never let anything take this beautiful relationship from me.
- —Guest Blessed
My Ex Divorced Me
- I left my ex in 1987 and it took him 3 yrs to divorce me and his now wife paid for it. She kept writing me to divorce him and I told her that I paid for the wedding he can pay for the divorce. I've had some rough times, and so have my children( since he never wanted to be in their lives) In 2009 I went to culinary school got my degree and I'm living a lot better without him. I talked to him on Dec 8 of last year and he was drunk and wanted to talk about our past in which I really didn't care to. I asked John if he has cheated on Janet and he said that he has. She was bragging on her facebook page what a great man she had and he messing around on her with some one else.
I'm glad I let her have him. He has lost so many jobs with her and I never would have had anything if I was still with him.
- —Guest Barbar
I Think It Is Done
- i think my marriage is over. Ive been with him since I was 19. Im now 42. We had 3 kids, all grown now. He was a crack cocaine addict. I didnt know this. When i found out we had already had our first child. Two more followed. Finally, in 2007 i left him behind in florida and moved to Wisconsin. Four months later, who's on my doorstep? He got clean and things went ok until 2010. I had a huge mental breakdown and was depressed for slmost 3 years. During my illness he financed a truck, bought and sold dozens of vehicles. Took out three payday loans and paid tjem all off at the expense of our bills and groceries. This has caused me to deeply resent him. From all the stuff before and now its just building up. We dont talk. We have no common interests. We dont sleep in the same room anymore. He wont pay anything but half the rent if that. But hes constantly overdrawn on his account. I cant talk to him. He just walks away. I feel like this chapter of life is over for me.
- —Guest devastatedmimi
Depression and a Failed Marriage
- my depression ended my marriage as i failed to give her the love and emotional support she needed. Its 13 years since divorce. She has a beautiful family. Over the past few years i have realized what i lost. I have regrets that we did not stay together as everything she wanted is everything i now want in my life today but will never have. I can only blame myself. I never put emphasis on what was really important and i now understand. I could have had the perfect life, family, security i wanted. By not communicating and being sensitive to her issues while explaining my depression i allienated her as she thought i did not love her. Im so sorry i let it slip away. My wife today is so wonderful and i love her deeply. We ended up not having children and it is,a huge regret now for me. I am now unemployed, stressed, depressed and silently grieving over a life i missed.
perfect life and blew all because of my insecurity depression and self centered materialism. until now. realizede
- Was married for 18 years , 4 kids and we both where very happy for about 15. She got into cocaine and was spending $10,000 + monthly on drugs and who knows what. She turned into a paranoid nut accusing me of cheating and abuse. I actually went to jail for false DV charges she filed. Fast forward 6 years later shes still a nut, the truth came out and I have custody of our youngest :) . She filed for divorce after I told her that's what I was going to do. I do not regret it at all. She got herself straightened out now and has wanted to get back together several times... Hell no!. We loved each other, no cheating and had a great life but people change and s**t happens. I now do not believe in marriage. If we would have just lived together for those years I think it would have been much easier to end it or fix it. No regrets :)))
- —Guest Boxerdog
- I am married for 15 yrs with son & a daughter, was bankrupt couple of yrs ago , but made comeback well.
My wife is also in same profession but she don't do nothing .She wants to be a housewife all her life. we always discuss this & it ends for no talks for couple of days . we are doctors, kids are growing & all financial burden is on me , earlier I used to drink n smoke , stopped as kid have started noticing things . I am trying to change any way required for kids but my marriage seems over to me. pls advice. Editor's Note: Please consider seeing a professional therapist.
- —Guest jaggu
- My husband and I are separated after 19 years of marriage. We still love each other, and are best friends. For the first 16 years I never stood up for myself. When I did start it was very hard for my husband to hear my argue back. We lost our son a year ago, and I don't have the energy to pamper my husbands feelings. I love him, and I hope we can find our way back together, but I can't handle the pain of him being "mean" and me not being able to say anything. If I tell him that he upset me it always turns into a big fight and I feel worse. It doesn't matter how carefully I tell him, he feels attacked. I don't have the energy, I am mourning and all I can do is pray that one day my husband realizes that I am entitled to my feelings. I have bought a house, moved in.. Any regrets? Not yet, but only because I believe that we will find each other again.. Editor's Note: My heart goes out to you. Losing a child can truly break your heart. I hope your husband becomes more sensitive to your heartache.
- no i dont regret divorcing . i had fell out of love years ago because of an affair but stayed because of the children. the hardest thing i have done but i have a better life as a single person now
- —Guest suliza
I Lost My Love Because of My Anger
- I dated my wife for a very long time 10 years. I was in the army and she stood by my side through two deployments, and we moved in together after I got out. Things were rocky, because I was angry and did not know how to manage my anger. She still stood by my side. We got married, and things were good for a while, and then with work I became stressed. I'm not going to lie, I did not appreciate her or the loving home I had, and I put her through hell. I emotionally and physically abused her, always put the blame on her, never took responsibility. I filed for divorce because I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I regret divorcing this woman, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't realize I was leaving something awesome for something worse. I listened to friends who were in no position to give me advice. I made a huge mistake and wish I would have tried to make it work. My life has never been the same. She refuses to have anything to do with me!
- —Guest Ryan
- i was married for 8 years i divorced her i was in a depression state and i went from the house on th 15th dec 2009 i do not want happened that day the biggest mistake of my life was leaving and i cannot get that back we was talking this year on the phone because her mother and father died we talked for a good five weeks and then it just stopped she did not pick the phone upany more i did think we could have made up again but no i think she did see my darther but i dont no i just wish it could happen but i just wish
- —Guest gordo
Can Someone Answer Me Please?
- Do women in menopause who divorce or who breakup with their live in boyfriend ever have a change of heart and come back to their relationship? do they regret and come to a point emotionally and mentally where they realize they may have over reacted? Or do i need to just move on because they are never coming back after menopause?
- —Guest Eric
Don't Know What To Do. To Marry or Not
- I've been with BF for 3 yrs, on and off relationship. I love him but he gives me mixed gut feelings. He seems loving, caring, and always wants to be with me. But if we are apart, he gets bothered by that and will call me and text non-stop numerous times in a short period of time (it has been as many as 100 times in a day), this is one example. Sometimes I'm busy at the grocery store, driving, and I have tested him to see how far he would go because I question myself about him. We have a baby, when BF is mad at me he distances himself from baby too. We just moved in together. He is not very cautious about baby's surroundings so I don't leave them alone with baby. He seems to love our child though. Close ones tell me he is controlling, manipulative, too pushy and isn't helpful with baby. He just wants me there. Editor's Note: There are lots of red flags in your post and considering what people close to you have said, I hope you talk with a marriage counselor before getting married. Your BF's attitude towards your child when he is upset with you is very troubling, too.
- —Guest Teresa
I Feel Cheated
- My wife divorced me two months ago and I moved out of the house seven months ago. We've been together for 12 years, married for 8 years and we have two wonderful boys that are 6 and almost 4. The reason she left me was because I never made her my first priority and I rejected her way too much when she'd want to get intimate. I even had the same problem with my prior girlfriend. I feel terrible on how I treated my wife ... and I just always felt so lost when we'd argue about it all and I'd get overwhelmed with everything else. I'm still going to therapy and recently figuring out that I might have ADD/ADHD. I'm going to a specialist now in a few weeks to get examined. Now I'm afraid about the results and I'm pretty sure that's my problem ever since childhood. Everything I've read about it fits me to a tee. I miss my ex-wife so much and our boys are always praying to God for our family to get back together. If I'd known earlier I'd get help and save our marriage. Does she deserve to know? Editor's Note: Yes, I believe she should know if you are diagnosed ADD/ADHD. Your sons could have some of the same issues concerning ADD/ADHD in their lives.
- —Guest Andrew
- I married my ex-husband 13 yrs. ago. We lived together for 4 yrs. before we got married. We both had children from our previous marriage which made our lives very complicated. We fought constantly over the kids, but loved one another deeply. I had to deal with his ex-wife on a daily basis which caused serious jealously issues on my part and my ex didn't respect my wishes to tone down the contact between them. We separated 8 times in 11 yrs. over the same issues, but looking back on it now, I wished that we would have tried to work things out. I am remarried now to an alcoholic that can be verbally abusive at times. I feel depressed most of the time and wished things could be different. My ex has remarried but since divorce and is now living with another woman. Looking back on my marriage to my ex, I thought life couldn't get any worse than being with him, but I was wrong. We never had closure and I still think about him everyday and wished I could turn back the hands of time.