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Readers Respond: Main Reasons You Get Upset

Responses: 15


From the article: Upset Spouse?
We all get upset at times. The why, who, and what we are upset about is sometimes pretty ordinary and sometimes quite unique. What upsets you? Readers respond to this question.

Poor Timing

He wants to talk to me about annoying things when I am eating or trying to sleep! Then he says to me in an angry voice, "You're not listening to me!" This is his stock response. I say can we talk about it at a different time and then he says I am avoiding him. If he is busy or napping I can't bother him. It's one of the most frustrating parts of trying to communicate with him.
—Guest Mea

No Apology

I get upset when my husband don't apologize to me after hurting me, or after coming home late, cheating on me, or coming home in the morning.

Don't Get Appreciated

I stood by my husband when he wasn't happy at his jobs (4). Going from a good paying job and really not making anything because he wanted what he wanted, I stood by him, I work 50-60 hours a week outside the home and I clean my house, cook dinner for him and my kids, laundry, everything but take out the trash (sometimes). I have to ask him to take me out on a date and at times he says no or don't have time. Doesn't ever tell me that he appreciates everything I do for him and our family. When we argue he seems to always turn it around to make it seem like it's my fault or I started it. He only touches me when he wants to be intimate. I tell him all this but I'm lieing or making things up to make him look like the bad guy. I love my husband but there's so much one woman (or man) can take. Just to hear that you are loved, appreciated and respected is all one needs to hear everyday, every other day, or once a week....something.
—Guest Sissy

When My Husband Least Prioritise Me

Like any other wife, I've always been doing everything in the house -- from changing bed covers, wiping the floor, cooking, washing the dishes, ironing the clothes. For what? Because we love them dearly. And despite of all your efforts, what do you get? A little mishap, you get a major criticism, worst you'll be scolded as if it was a life-threatening imperfection i.e. the milk spilled or the spoon/fork fell while having your dinner. Isn't it ridiculous? Now I'm reminded, why do we -- women, in general allow these things to happen to us? Because we love them, we love our family. I'm starting to loose my own IDENTITY. My husband wants me to change -- he always says so that I'd be a better person. Well, enough of that! We went steady for 3 and a half years and you don't get all these comments. And the moment that you get married, suddenly he makes you his robot -- tweaked into a different persona that he wants you to be. And we allow it to happen, even if you don't admit it. Why?!?!
—Guest lovely heart


I hate that in the last month my husband has lost his debit card, his phone and, his ID. While helping him look for the debit card, I find nothing but trash strewn about what I thought was a pile of important papers only to find a notice from his student loans department saying they were sending his matter to collections. I only had seconds to pop my head up when my husband says,"Maybe I should just go and pull out a bunch of money from the bank." I said back, "Maybe someone has your check card and you should think about closing your check card first!" ?!?!??
—Guest Simone

The Real Romance Killer is ...

The real romance killer is lack of emotional intimacy, which doesn't even make the list here. I've worked with couples for 20 years and know this to be so. I recently wrote this up in an online essay, "Why Couples Fight and What to Do About It" -- http://bit.ly/gtikfM Editor's Note: The article resides at ezinearticles.com and we cannot vouch for the safety of the site.
—Guest Jeff Kaye


I get irritated when my husband seems to only think of himself. We watch what he wants to on TV, we acknowledge why he is mad, we get dessert when he feels like it. I clean, I cook, I work, I run errands. He just sits there.
—Guest nina

Drinking With Friends

I get so upset when every other week he is out drinking with his friends or he goes to a club and he doesn't come home until 3:00 am in the morning. Sometimes I wonder what he is doing. He starts to drink from 5:00 pm until 3:00 am in the morning. Now that just make me upset, not just him but to his friends too.
—Guest Aeto

She is a Housewife and Not Working

It upsets me that my wife who is very competent and capable is sitting at home and not working.
—Guest Peter

Our Marriage Was in Trouble

... and he failed through sarcasm, yelling, blaming, walking out & stonewalling. It was all predicted w/91% accuracy by John M. Gottman, PH.D. in his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". I wish it was available 30+ years. ago. I would have realized I was wasting my time on someone who lacked the "emotional intelligence" to live in a marriage.
—Guest Goldy55

Not Being Heard

When people truly do not listen to you. Look in your eyes and respond to what you said before selfishly beginning their own words about "them".
—Guest Deborah

What Upsets Me

It upsets me that I don't get more time alone. It seems like my husband is always there. He is self employed and I work outside the home. He's a good man, but he needs to give me some time to myself. Time at work is NOT time alone.
—Guest Karen


It's frustrating to have conversations when your spouse won't look at you or turn your way.
—Guest a

When He Just Sits There .....

When my husband is sitting and playing around on the computer or reading the news on his cell and the baby cries and the 4yr old needs something and the 10yr old needs help with homework. He just sits there and waits for me to tell him that I need his help. Most of the time -- twice. I get so upset that he can't see that I am only one person and that I would have so much more time to do things he wants to do if he would just help me do some of the things that need done. It really upsets me that he can't take the initiative to do things on his own with out me telling him to do them.
—Guest Sandy

When He's Late

I think I get the most upset when my husband knows he is going to be late getting home, but he doesn't bother to call and let me know. I spend a couple hours imagining all sorts of horrific accidents and then he walks in the door all non-chalant. Really upsets me.
—Guest Donna

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