What Ever Happened?
- We are married for 30 years. Sex was often, early on. Still pretty good with the kids growing up. We lost an adult son four years ago and sex is an every other month thing, if that -- and only when I initiate it. I help out with housework inside and out. I do a lot for her but I'm not sure what is up. I love her and am probably over sexed but I am tired of masturbating. I have been seriously thinking of an affair. Editor's Note: Please seriously consider marriage counseling, or a divorce before hurting your wife by having an affair.
- —Guest Jim
- Well me and my husband have been married for 4 years. My husband has diabetes and I have a very high sex drive and I am healthy. My husband gets an erection but when we are having intercourse it goes down and I haven't had an orgasm for a long while. I am frustrated and have a lot of anger and resentment towards my husband. I want to cheat but I don't want to or give up our marriage. What am I to do. I am very miserable. My husband is not a loving or affectionate person, not good in bed, and has no consideration on my needs and feelings and I feel that he masturbates to avoid the issue of sex. Please help!
- —Guest Honey
The Common Paradox: To Leave or To Cheat
- Well ... it seems like I have the same story as many other people who have posted on here. I was a collegiate athlete and a popular guy who regularly had sex 4 to 5 times a week with a few different girls and kept that throughout my single years (married at 27). When I met my wife, she was still living at home and I was in and out of town on business most of the time. Well we dated for over 2 years, had a son, and got married. Now before we got married it wasn't great but I just assumed that because she was not that "experienced" she would catch up pretty quick. WRONG! Fast forward 7 years and a daughter and I'm lucky to have sex once a month and typically go 6 to 7 weeks. And this started within 2 months of being married. I've always been an extremely sexual person who for a second thought my "sex drive" was the problem. But now its a deal breaker for me, and I'm in a paradox ... I love my wife, but there's NO way I can make it the next 30 years on this schedule.
- —Guest GMoney
- My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have been together almost 3 years. He is very affectionate and loving, but our sex life is in big trouble. The first year together was great -- lots of sex, lots of time together being intimate and discovering each other. Now, although he wants to satisfy me in other ways, he seems to have lost interest in intercourse. He is very uncomfortable with discussing the issue, and seems to feel that he is doing his part by satisfying me otherwise, but each time he initiates this I feel more dejected that he does not want to be inside of me. Confusion has led to resentment, and it's become difficult for it not to bleed out into other areas of our relationship. He seems satisfied in the relationship itself, but I am tired of blaming myself for being inadequate in some way to achieve something that means so much to me but seems to not matter at all to him. I know he loves me, but how do you overcome such an obstacle?
I Always Thought the Women Didn't
- my husband and I have been together 6 years and have 2 kids together. I try to make him want me but I feel even though I've lost 60 pounds that I'm ugly. We use to have sex 7 days a week now it's rarely and I have to beg for it. I have tried using different things in bed but he just turns around and doesn't want hands on or a new sexual idea. I love him. I'd never cheat on him but he refuses to get himself checked out. He is 32 and I worry it's a medical problem. No problem with ED -- he can stay firm but he doesn't want me half the times .
- —Guest inlovebutsad
- I'm 50 and I've been dating my 52 year boyfriend for five months now. He didn't tell me initially he had type II diabetes. His sex drive is low and he has ED and he has some unresolved issues from past relationship. We talked yesterday and I explained the meaning of low libido, because he didn't understand. I want to throw in the towel and leave, because I don't think I can deal with his issues. He does take Cialis, but it doesn't work. Reality has set in, and I know most men in the 40's and 50's have sexual problems. Me knowing that I want to date younger men, at least 10-13 years my junior.
- —Guest Kennedy
Try Not to Have Sex
- One commonly used tactic with couples who are not in sync sexually is to agree to not have sex. The psychology is that it takes the pressure off the person who doesn't want it. Then work up to just kissing for a week. Then kissing and touching. Most often the turn on is the restraint. Couples should go to a counselor to help them work through any underlying, emotional issues and find solutions instead of having the same finger pointing, shouting, and crying sessions that leave you drained and frustrated.
- —Guest Mb
Let Them Have Another Partner
- Some people are just wired with different sex drives and needs. Once you accept this, there isn't too much you can do to change a person's biology. My wife has always wanted more sex (3 or more times a week). I'm fine with once a month and feel like it's a job if we have it more than once a week. When she cheated on me, I just wasn't upset and encouraged her to have fun. She visits a boyfriend once or twice a week and we are both happy with our marriage.
- —Guest Relax
Only One Trying
- We've been married 7 years, and have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. I love my family, and am totally committed to them in all ways. Typical scenario, my wife and I now have a very different sex drive. I want to try new things and would love to have sex 2-3 times per week, rather than monthly or every other month as happens now. My wife tells me she is perfectly happy with monthly sex that is the same every time. There is no oral sex, no role playing, no hand stimulation, no imagination. She says she just doesn't need it or want it. So I'm stuck in sugar-free, low calorie vanilla land when I want to jump straight in to the deep end of the ice cream pool! I have tried everything from subtle to the definitely not subtle, with no joy. When do you decide that too little is too little and move on?
- —Guest solo
- I have been with my husband for many years, since I was a teenager and I am in my late 30s now. I want sex every day, sometimes several times a day, however my husband makes me feel like sex is a step by step process. Blow job, followed by sex ... no foreplay and heaven forbid I am touched anywhere other then 3 specific areas of the body. It makes me feel like the most unattractive woman on the planet. Whenever I suggest something more, I am made to feel like I am asking for something perverted. I am giving serious thought to divorce, however the thought of dating again scares the life out of me. I am so stuck and unhappy ... help!
- —Guest Guest JL
Boyfriend Has NO Sex Drive Anymore
- My boyfriend and I have nearly stopped having sex at all. We are in our mid 50s. We have sex maybe once every month or two and it's gone even 3 months. The only person who complains is me. He seems to have no interest anymore. He does have ED and after me pushing him he went to the Dr and his testosterone tested low normal. The Dr gave him a prescription for Cialis which he filled nearly 7 months ago ... and has used only once. He told me after wards that he didn't think it helped anything. He seems perfectly content with this sexless relationship but I am lonely, sad, depressed ... and angry. I have been as honest with him as I know how to be. I'd be happy to have sex even once a week, but he acts like this is a chore. He has actually said to me concerning sex "that's not exactly high on my priority list". When I approach him I am rejected. He told me that he wants to initiate sex ... then he almost never does. I've waited weeks ... nothing. What the hell am I to do?
- —Guest Sad Gal
Neither Of Us Want It
- My fiancee isn't good in bed. I love him so much, but he doesn't do it for me. On the other hand, he doesn't require sex from me either. He just doesn't seem to have a big sex drive and my lack of interest doesn't bother him. We are looking forward to getting married, but our non-existent sex life is not a topic we discuss. What will the next 30 years hold??
- —Guest nearlywed
- 'Cause if my wife comes down the stairs, wondering what I'm doing, I'll feel as sheepish as I would if I were looking at porn -- which is something I never do. I'm just amazed that, in our sex-soaked society, so many women do not foresee their husbands giving in to the temptation to cheat. It's as if they welcome it, at least subconsciously, so they can be the victimized woman this society has so much sympathy for. In past generations, this was warranted. Now men seem to be paying out the wazoo for the trespasses of our fathers. My story: Pretty much the same as many on here; sex isn't on my wife's radar any more. I'm sick of always initiating. I fantasize about other women, and I don't see a real solution to the problem. It'll probably end with me being the villain. I'm not comfortable with that, so I live with the paradox.
What To Do
- Been married to wife for 15 years, blessed with great children. We're both in early 40's. Before & during first few years of marriage love making was frequent & fulfilling. But over years, her sex drive has diminished to point where past 5 years, we may make love 1x a month, and only if I initiate it. When we do, she almost always has highly intense orgasms. So, can a woman help me understand, why she wouldn't want that feeling/experience few times a week or even every day?? We have our share of stress, but no more than other couples with children, work, life stuff, do. She shows no interest in me sexually. I want her to be passionate, initiate lovemaking, and for us to have frequent exciting sex; but never, ever happens. I've never cheated, but am very frustrated; so what to do? This forum tells me there are women, like me, with strong sex drive, passionate & enjoy frequent sexual pleasure. Life is too short -- so what do I do? Any advice, from women and/or men is very much appreciated. :)
- —Guest Frustrated
Dealing With It?
- This is still very hard for me; I am a very sexual person and I have tried different things to "spice" things up but my husband runs hot then cold and I don't know how to deal with this without it becoming the cause of marriage failing. We are both 38 years old and I feel like the older I get the more sexually charged I become. Whereas he has become the opposite. I feel ugly and unattractive and so alone. I love him so much but I can't go on feeling like this either ... what can I do?