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Readers Respond: Stories and Solutions About Low Sex Marriages

Responses: 227

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I am Starved Too

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for over two years now and all of a sudden we don't because he can't get "up." I feel so unattractive and totally ignored. Please help.
—Guest tebogo moremi.

Answers

Wow, a lot of stories and no answers. Mine is the same. I'm 34 and very horny. My hubby is 36 and not. I'm sad, feeling rejected. I had my hands down his pants last night and he didn't even look at me, kept watching TV. When we went to bed ... nothing. I'm tired. I want answers. I'm thinking of cheating, with either men or women. I can masturbate but that's never truly satisfying for long. I like men! I don't want a divorce but I need attention, sexual attention. We've had the conversation on many occasions. Things change for about a week; he's putting effort into it, frequency increases to about 2-3x per week and then it goes right back to normal. No sex in 7 days and I'm going crazy. We've been married over 6 years and I'm too young to wait another 6 years for things to change and get better, because my gut says it's not going to. Either I find an outlet on the side or our relationship is in trouble.
—Guest Laura

No Sex

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. I have no sex drive. I don't think it's fair to my husband, but any little thing will turn me off. He wants me to seek counseling, but I'm not sure if it's counseling I need or a divorce.
—Guest theloser

Unsatisfied

I have been married to my husband for a year. We were high school sweethearts and now I have two kids with him. OUR sex life sucks. I don't know what to do. I can count my orgasms on one hand. It wasn't always this bad. We have sex 2-3 times a week and still nothing. I don't know what to do. Please help.
—Guest unsatisfied

Love... But No Sex

I am a wife with 3 kids. I now have an IUD to protect from further pregnancies. Maybe it's the device that is ruining my marriage, either way, I need help. I'm not even 30 yet. I feel so young and energized, but when it comes to intimacy, I suddenly feel exhausted. I'd rather sleep. My spouse begs me for it everyday. He knows that I have this issue, yet he still expects sex from me at least 8 times per day. There is nothing worse than having to lay there and "take it." It's painful, physically and emotionally. I feel victimized when I say "NO" more than 10 times and finally give in because I feel it is my wifely duty. All I can do is cry, during and after. Some times I jump straight into the shower to clean myself of the filth I feel. That only makes him angry. He tells me daily how he could have anyone he wanted, but he wants me and he wants me to want him too. If I don't give him what he wants, he gets what he needs from Porn. Movies and internet. It disgusts me. Help me.
—Guest in need of help

The Heart Can Only Take So Much .....

I'm a sexually healthy female, loves passionate sex. Always wanted my husband until I realized he never ever initiated sex. It was always my doing and he would get pleasure fast while I was left wanting. He never tried to meet my needs. I stopped trying and wondered if he'd reach for me. I waited 8 months and then angrily reacted. He kept telling me it wasn't me, but never took responsibility to change. Life gets busy, 19 years later, kids older, still next to no sex, still never reach orgasm, until I learned to masturbate and awakened. To everyone else we had a great marriage. Hard to leave, but I had to or die. My life was slipping away, no passion, no hope, no joy. I left and found a wonderful man who enjoys my body, my mind, my energy. My children are older and angry and punishing me for leaving. The pain of just wanting to be happy, desirable, loved, needed has been met. But it is hard to face the pain of hurting your children to find your own happiness. Which is worse?
—Guest joy

Do Women over 55 want sex?

I hae been married, and faithful, 37 years. I have a desire to be close to her emotionally and physically. 30 years of birth control pills surpressed her sex drive, then a hysterectomy 5 years ago cut out what of her sex drive was left. Now she really wants nothing to do with me sexually, but I am still supposed to be the emotionally available husband and do all the other husbandly tasks. Are there women over 55 who do have an honest interest in sex, and if so please let me know how you do it so I can save my marriage. Thank you.
—Guest Husband

No Sex

I too have been married for 8 years and have 2 children. However, my wife has absolutely no interest in sex and she has told me that many times. I stopped trying to initiate years ago because of the constant turning down. She constantly has new excuses why she does not want to have sex or be intimate: doesn't feel attractive after 2 kids, (but I always assure her she is still beautiful) she's too tired (I can understand that but not 100% of the time) etc. My thesis now is that after marriage and kids American women just get lazy. I provide my wife and children with everything they want, brand new cars, TVs, vacations, etc. We live a really good life and I am very thankful for what I have and what I can provide my family but ... I am a man and still need good frequent sex. There is a reason why successful men cheat (Tiger, J James, etc) and it goes beyond male ego. It's perhaps the womans'lack of wanting anything more after bearing children and expecting everything from her man.
—Guest Guest

i m feeling empty & frustrated

I am 22 years old. My boyfriend is 25. We are in a relationship for 2 & half years. I know he loves me very much & I love him too. He is a very humble & kind person. We share everything with each other. He never lies to me. In fact he is the perfect boy I wanted as a life partner. But when it comes to lovemaking, I find that I'm much more sexually active than him ... in the beginning he used to be very much interested in sex. But as time passed by his urge began to decrease. It has been two months since he even uttered the word "sex". Even if I approach him he tells me to divert my mind & gives excuses. At that time I feel so rejected & humiliated. I feel sorry for myself. Now a days, he never approaches me. I'm frustrated & confused. I don't know what to do. I can't even talk to him about this because I feel shy to talk about this stuff. Please help me!!!
—Guest eva

I am not sure why

I am the wife. Always sexually motivated. Married 14 yrs. About 5 yrs ago my husband's mother died (he idealized her.) Not long after he told me he didn't want to have sex anymore. He threw out all his porn DVDs. Quit watching it completely. No motivation or interest in sex at all now. He has s/w our priest, marriage counselor and was tested for low testosterone (low normal). I have s/w counselor and read books to no avail. It's been 5 yrs now. Still uninterested. He is my best friend. I love him but I can't help but feel I am to blame somehow. We cuddle and talk but very limited affection. He says he loves me very much. Honestly, I am starting to blame me less and blame him more. I am getting pissed off. I masturbate to keep me fit and some what happy. He can stick it! There isn't anything wrong with me. I am a good wife, fairly attractive and kids are all grown up from previous marriage. I just try to make myself happy now. I do not rely on him for that, No one ever should.
—cissiemccree

Needing sex

Ummm my husband is the one not wanting sex. When we were first dating we had sex a lot. Then we got married and it got better but after a while he stopped. I am always ready and don't know what to do. We have 2 kids but now I am looking for someone. I am 25.
—Guest

No passion

My wife once uttered the words, "we are going to have an amazing sexual relationship". Three years later and it has been anything but amazing. We have sex on average once every 3 weeks. My idea of a healthy sexual relationship is 2-3 times per week. I've talked with her numerous times always with the same result: amazing sex... once, then three weeks later we may have sex again. I've become resentful and frustrated. When I bring up the issue she bring up the one time 3 weeks ago when she did this or did that. As if I'm supposed to consider it a favor? I love my wife and will be with her until I die, but this issue where sex isn't even on her radar even though I've communicated my needs very clearly time and again has me at wits end. It's depressing, maddening even. There is no passion in our marriage. None. Its the one thing I told her prior to our marriage I didn't want to ever lose. It was the first thing she decided wasn't important.
—Guest Dan

People needs to be honest

I'm so sorry to read all of the comments on this site from both men and women, I just simply believe that a potential partner should be honest with their partner that they are not into sex from the beginning and give their potential partners a choice whether or not to proceed with that relationship. It makes life a little easier.
—Guest Lonelyandhurt

Low sex

I've been looking for answers too but it seems nobody has the solution and what's worse, if there is one, it would only work for a few of us. I came to a conclusion and that is: only God can help us to deal with this situation since low sex is our spouse’s issue not ours, there's nothing we can do but to pray to God for it and if we are patient (we are because we all have waited much) and faithful things will change for sure.
—Guest No name

Same story

I don't know why stupid people like me get married. It's the same story millions of men have gone through. During dating, have sex all the time. After marriage, it degrades to jerking off to relieve the need. My wife is like millions I assume. We only have sex if she's drunk or if we're traveling in a hotel or if by some miracle, the stars align. The funniest thing is when she claims, "I LIKE sex. But you did "this" today, or you said "that" yesterday and turned me off. Whatever. Modern American women make terrible wives.
—Guest dumb husband

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