Satisfied But Not
- I am 35 years old I am disabled but I am able to do things around the house. I cook. I clean. I iron. Laundry done. I am very handy when fixing things. I pick up kids from school. I help with homework. I send my wife flowers on a regular basis. I believe we have a great relationship. The only problem is when it comes to getting intimate. I try new things. I give massages all the time. I help with everything. Dinner is waiting when she gets home from work. I just do not know what else to do. I compliment her daily. I tell her I love her at least 5-6 times a day. Then our physical part is just like non existent. It's not there. Maybe 2-3 times a month. I don't know if that is average but I would like a lot more. I do not know what else to do. I get for play going and then she falls asleep. So what's that all about. I know she would never cheat on me so that is not the problem. If you can give me any advice I am open to any suggestions at this point. I treat her like a queen and nothing? Maybe it's me.
- —Guest ben
It's Not Just a Guy's Problem ...
- I am a woman and have been dating a man who is 15 years older than me. At first he couldn't keep his hands off of me, then it slowed down to absolutely nothing. No matter what I do, I've tried being seductive, but I just get shot down, so now it's gotten to a point where I've resorted to crying about it. I'm 27 years old and I apparently can't turn on a 42 year old man. It's so incredibly humiliating and has sent me into a horrible depression. We've been dating for a year and the past 6 months have been hell. I really don't know what to do about it. I love him and we have a wonderful relationship outside of the lack of sex. What worries me too are the consequences of being degraded like this. I'm wondering what it's going to be like if I leave and then what it will be like to think about how badly I failed with him. I've never had doubt in myself like this before and I don't know what to do.
- —Guest frustrated in NY
- A lot of the time it's underlying issues and in most cases time that seems to lower the amount of sex couples have. 90% of the stories are we used to have a lot of sex but don't anymore. For the guys complaining about their wives, woman will initially use sex to secure the relationship, once you are married most wives will have a lot of sex in order to fall pregnant. After that, in a lot of cases things start to dry up and the wife's true attitude towards sex comes out. It is true in a lot of women's cases that they still love their partners but they are not into sex even though we think it's us. It's really hard to meet someone that you fall in love with and have similar sex drives. This would be heaven if this was the case. Life is meant to be challenging and this is one of many we have to face.
- —Guest Guest Johnson
Husband has ED
- I am 40 and love, let me say that again LOVE my husband. We have been together for 15 years and he has had ED issues for the last 6. He would take a Viagra now and then but not need it all the time. I need to mention that my husband is 60, over the past year he is unable to get hard and or maintain even with Viagra. We have a wonderful relationship and have a GREAT sex life, when we are able to have sex. I am so sad, sad for him, sad for me. I have been very patient and understanding and I just want to cry. I am a nervous wreck when we go to bed, or try ... I don't want to be disappointed nor do I want him to be hurt, or embarrassed. I can't help but feel that he is not attracted to me any more and I am starting to take it personally. He of course tells me that is not true that he is very attracted to me ... I don't know what to think anymore ...
- —Guest Alwayz
- I have been married 10 years and we have 2 kids -- 5 yr old boy ad 3 month old son. I have to beg for sex. She's never in the mood. I'm resorted to smelling her panties and masturbating.
- —Guest sexless07
Try This, Ladies!
- I've been married over 20 years w/libido gradually diminishing. Not my husband's, however. I've tried multiple counselors, testosterone creams & drops, books, etc, all to no avail. He goes back and forth between patient understanding and irritated frustration. The longest I've made him go w/out is 10 days, btw, so I'm not a horrible person. I try to be accommodating even though being touched makes me want to scream. I finally, in desperation, went to a gynecologist who specialized in hormone therapies and got on testosterone injections and after the 2nd one, my body started to come alive and I got a sex drive like crazy! Unfortunately, it didn't make me want to have sex w/my husband all the time which made me see we had relationship issues to deal with causing our sexual problems, but if low libido is your only problem, testosterone could be your miracle cure! It was lovely to have my body wake up again.
- —Guest Moby
Your Low Sex Drive Man Unemotional Too?
- Hi, I post here because for years I too have been beyond frustrated, felt unattractive, lonely, depressed, hopeless and recently ready to leave. From specialists, to disorders, to sex toys, to vitamins, I've read days' worth, while he did nothing except go to the doctor and wear different underwear. A woman who is often hypersexual, I asked for an open relationship, nope, not that I could. I perused adult sites pondering cheating. I begged, pleaded, even tried to barter my husband. The more I wanted it the more he resisted. At one point I swore off sex altogether, but no matter what, my drive would return. And back to the medical folks and blogs I went. At some point I noticed it was about more than sex, it was intimacy, feeling loved, him responding when I was naked. Recently it became about porn getting his interest. I decided last week to work on how to leave. Then I found by accident an article on Passive Aggressive Men & withholding sex. It's not been listed anywhere as a reason.
- —Guest Jules
- I have been married for 2 and a half years. In that time I can only remember desiring sex a handful of times. I just can't be bothered. I feel bitter with my husband when he suggests it. After all this time I've plucked up the courage and made an appointment with my doctor.
- —Guest Low sex drive
20 Years & He Says, "Do we have to?"
- I've been married for 20 years to a wonderful man, great provider, supports me through my physical & emotional illnesses. Everyone sees us as the perfect couple. He has always had a low sex drive. In the beginning, I got enough to be satisfied & get married. 15 years ago, I asked him to go to counseling with me because of our lack of sex. He refused. I have spent the past 15 years working on my self in therapy, begging for sex less & less & finding masturbation the best orgasm. We go months, even 2 years between having sex. I gently brought the subject up tonight suggesting he get his testosterone levels checked. He grunted, which was the expected response. If he follows through with the testing & then the doctor's suggestions whether it's hormone replacement or counseling, I'll happily go along. I don't know the source of his lack of sex drive. I don't want to live like a nun, nor do I want divorce. I deserve a rockin' sex life & will get one with or without him!
How to Deal With This Mystery
- I am in serious relationship and we are considering marrying. We are both in our early fifties and are veterans of long failed marriage that featured sexual incompatibility. We talk all the time about how to avoid making the same mistakes. One solution we have used that seems to help us stay on track is the commitment to make love when things get tense or we have a fight. We're both amazed at how effective that is. It's one example of tending to the relationship by relying on an act of discipline, in contrast to the tendency to rely on our moods and emotions -- which is part of what got me in trouble in my first marriage. I've learned to see that a poor functioning sexual relationship is but a symptom of some big communication and commitment problems. By commitment, I mean a commitment to take care of the partner and tend to the relationship. People are tempted to think when they will be happy "for ever after" when they first get together -- but that's when the real work begins. I don't want to sound as if I have all the answers because frankly, I am awed by the power of the sexual element in relationships, and have only the most humble hope that I can get it right this time around. There are a lot of problems here and few answers. Everyone who is suffering from the pain of sexual incompatibility should commit to counseling with or without the partner. By commit, I mean don't expect things to get better in three sessions.
- My husband and I have been together for 2 years. I have always been aware that he has seemed to be less interesated in sex than me. But recently he has become even less so. He has had only one relationship prior to ours in which he said they had sex very rarely. He has told me that he has found it easier to have sex when it has been with someone new or a one night stand when he could perform several times in the one night. We have discussed this issue several times now but have been unable to improve things. I am also concerned that there may be some physical problem as he often loses interest very easily and has problems maintaining an erection. He has told me he feels it is purely psychological but is unable to articulate what may be the problem. After reading about this issue I am concerned that it may be that some men even in their 30's have naturally low sex drives. Am I expecting too much and is it possible that for my husband sex once a week or once a fortnight is enough?
- —Guest Cat
It's Pretty Painful
- I have repeatedly talked to my husband of 9 years about sex. He has bipolar disorder and says that he also feels he is primarily asexual and has sex when hypomanic. I feel that this could be true. But I also don't believe it because he had a very active sex life before me. He says that he has a hard time saying no to people but says it to me all the time. I recently started self harming myself because of the rejection I feel. I never tell anyone what I feel except for him. When I feel that kind of rejection I just want to leap out of my skin. I want to find someone who loves me and who can communicate what he wants. My self esteem is almost nil and I'm hurting myself to try to stop thinking of sex. I'm too ashamed to tell my therapist that but I have the scars to show it. Editor's Note: Please, please, please be honest with your therapist about hurting yourself.
- —Guest Lonelytechgirl
- My husband and I do not have sex often. He's always tired, and not in the mood. I feel like there's someone else. I've asked him before and he tells me I'm crazy!
- —Guest Kristen
Love My Wife
- My wife and I kinda grew up together. We had a daughter at 17. She's now 34 and we married 2 and a half years ago after being apart four over 30 years. She came out to visit 2 and a half years ago before we married to see if we still had something. We didn't have nothing sexual on her visit and still don't 2 and a half years later. Why did I marry her? I love her so much.
- —Guest bernie
- I have only been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he is wonderful and my best friend. We barely disagree ever and have so much in common except for sex. I'm in mid 20s and he is early 30s. I love him so much that we are thinking of next step of marriage and kids. But you have to have sex for kids and I miss feeling loved and attractive and that kind of affection ... I need help or advice on what to do because the talks aren't cutting ... please help me.
- —Guest sad lady