From the article: Low Sex Marriage Poll
A low sex marriage may seem okay to one spouse and yet may be viewed as a huge problem by the other spouse. How have you dealt with the issue of differing sex drives in your marriage? Share Your Story
- My husband and I have not been intimate in any way for 7 years. Physically or Emotionally. There has been many stressful times and disagreements. I finally just could not understand the total absence of anything, so I point blank asked and demanded an answer within 2 weeks. I asked him to really think about it, as my life has no meaning or substance, such as it is. I was just told that his diabetes makes it impossible for him to do anything, and he is too upset to talk about it again. He was not interested in trying anything to solve the problems. He has given up pretty much on everything. He does not go anywhere with me, he sleeps in another room, he does not really come near me at all. Not even a bit of a kiss. I am very outgoing and light hearted and he is snuffing the life out of me. I do not know which way to turn. I do not feel I can even communicate anymore. He will take no suggestions. Time has slipped away from me, without me really realizing it. Now I am in a Panic!
- —Guest Caught Off-Guard
What to Do ...
- My husband won't even sleep in the same bed with me. He used to just come in when he wants something. Now he has decided he doesn't want anymore children with me because I have mood swings so he has stopped coming to me altogether. This is coming from a musician/artist type that I am there for during all his emotional roller coaster rides. His mood swing don't exist because he doesn't see it or have to deal with it. I have stayed with him in spite of tossing his family aside to persue his dreams of fame. Even supported it! Enough is enough. This man wants to be single why should we keep this up? I don't know if I have the right to go out and look for someone who does want a family with me but this hurts and it's so lonely.
- —Guest Bleh
- I am 56 and my wife is 50. Our sexual life is good with a frequency of thrice a week. She also enjoy. But I wonder my spouse never asked/initiate for sex and I had been requesting her for sex irrespective of long time period. I would feel thrilled if she would have begged ever. Another thing, she never shared her feelings like how much she enjoyed or whether she feel orgasm which is a certainty. My experience with other women had been totally different. Thy become servile & even versatile on bed since my wife had not been agreed for oral sex in foreplay. Even after my repeated zest for what a woman want from men, she never disclosed her wish. Then here I wonder why should I beg for sex and why not she express her desire.
- —Guest Hari
- My Wife told me she hates sex, and doesn't like me at all. The cat gets more attention than I do. I think I am just a money machine. I haven't had sex in two months. Been married 13 months. Had sex 4 times. I have to do myself in my car so I don't bother my wife with sex.
- —Guest Dumb-Dumb
Look Into Polyamory
- My husband and I had not had sex in 7 years due to his lack of desire (married 21). Facing a divorce we discussed polyamory because we are best friends. I now have a sex god of a co-husband (1.5 years) and we are having a ball. The guys even like each other! Life is an adventure and not always what we expect.
- —Guest Polygirl
No Surprises Here
- This thread is sad, but telling. My wife was a nympho before we got hitched. Now there is little sex left in our marriage. I've all but given up. I care for her, I split the chores, cook, give her massages, insist she goes out with her friends and look after the kids as much as I can. But I don't want to be a sex bully. Sex like that has little satisfaction. I want her to want it - ideally initiate. I look after myself - but her self-esteem has dropped since she stopped working to be a home-maker. Her post baby body is not the same but I love her and find her as attractive as I always have. To the men who don't want sex anymore - what the hell is wrong with you? I can only think you don't find your partners attractive anymore. No matter how bad my personal/work situation has been, my libido has never wained. I masturbate twice a day. If I don't, my horniness becomes intolerable To the women with higher drives - I feel your frustration. The solution here is venting. Or wanking
- —Guest Resigned Hubby
- For 30 years of our marriage my husband would not let me be the instigator of sex. He had sex when he wanted it, and I had sex and he wanted. I would never turn him down. I could never understand this and took it very personally. I basically shut down emotionally and intimately. I can see now that maybe he just has a low libido, but he would never talk about it. Now, because of menopause and all the hormonal changes that women go through, I have no libido and he wants more sex. I feel cheated and very frustrated over this. I still would never turn my husband down, but I do not enjoy it. It is very sad. We have been married 35 years; divorce has never been an option and we've never mentioned divorce. I still do not turn my husband down when he wants sex because I know how hurtful that is, but he knows that I don't enjoy it anymore. It's all so complicated and frustrating! I feel for everyone who has written comments. .
- —Guest Trying to Forgive
No Sex Please We're British
- I love my Mrs. She says she loves me. We make love, that is both of us horny and interested in shagging about 3/4 times a year. Oral and hand jobs whenever I beg. She's perfectly happy with it. She thinks its normal. I don't but there is no way out, this is all I'm ever going to have. Its not like I'm not caring and loving.
- —Guest Rob
- I am 40 yrs male ... we got married in 2002. Now my wife has no interest in sex. Now she is willing 4 times in a month, but I require at least 2 in week. We got two kids also. But I don't want to lose my family. But what is the solution. I approached and asked about this and she don't like this. Please advise.
- —Guest KP SUBRAMANIAN
- A 79 year old male recently married to a 63 year old woman. No sex before marriage. It appears that withholding sex is being used as a means of control. Would like to believe that this is low sex drive on her part or some psycological problem. Wonder if this could be covert abuse? Go out of my way to set the stage by fulfilling all of her desires, flowers, open car doors, pull her chair out at the table and always a complete gentleman. She still works against my desire and this morning was a typical examplef what takes place. She runs around in the nude which arouses me and I let her know that. Her response was I will be home early and we can take care of that. She gets home we have take out and talk over dinner then cuddle and watch a movie. We both shower but now comes the expected excuse, I have an upset tummy. I have heard it all from sickness, tiredness, need to work tomorrow, no sex after midnight. When we have sex is controlled Frequency of sex is about once a week.
- —Guest Paul
Should I Cheat?
- I been married for 4 years have two kids together. Almost a year now that my husband and I have sex. Im 36 and he is 45. His sex so low that we dont even cuddle and I cant even touch him. I talked to him about it but he doesn't seem it's a problem at all. He is alcoholic. Drink and get drunk everyday and fall asleep before me. I wanted to get divorce but he doesn't agree even though we living in unhappy relationship. Sometime I want to cheat but I cant do it because I still love him. To him everything doesn't seem to bother him at all. What should I do?
- —Guest confuse
Tired of Talking
- I have the issue that I am not interested in sex with my husband any more. He has accused me of finding him unattractive and that it makes him feel bad, but how do you tell someone that yes, I am no longer attracted to him but not for the reasons he thinks. He has changed the way he treats me but expects me to accept it and still want to have sex. He does not touch me with caring, if he does touch me he grabs at me like I am a cheap hooker and I can not remember the last time he was kind to me or did something nice just because rather then expecting sexual payment for it. I have to admit I am considering divorce because he thinks the only thing wrong with our relationship is that I won't spread my legs for him.
- —Guest frustrated
Important but not everything
- We've been married for 25 years and unfortunately our individual drives have diverged over the past couple of years. We are best friends, soul mates, intimate, loving, and can't enjoy a good time unless we share it with each other (sex included). I miss intimate sex between us...especially the thrill of arousing her, but the joy of life with her greatly outweighs this loss. My biggest problem is that she is very occasionally interested in sex. I find my wife to be the most sensual and erotic being alive but I'd rather have no sex than occasional sex. The prospect of sexual intimacy creates too much sexual tension for me. We can cuddle, snuggle, and kiss with no possibility of sex but the very occasional possibility is too frustrating for me so we have none at all. I don't say "no" verbally but rather with body language and situational reactions. All of you that settle for infrequent sex are much stronger than I am. That's just too frustrating for me.
What Has Happened to Me?
- I am 33 and met my husband when I was 15. Got married at 18 have had 3 children ages 14-8. I went to prison 2 years ago on an embezzlement charge. I was to the point I felt I had to buy my spouse and kids love and after all of it they still stick behind me. I have lots of health issues and am on lots of meds but I have no want to. The only time he wants to have anything to do with me is when he is horney. Itphiscally hurts to do it and so I avoid it. What can I do to want it again and to want him to have something to do with me at other times as well
I Can Relate But ...
- I am at war with myself! My wife has depression. She has had it for many years, before we got married. Listen men, your lady could have depression or a real health concern. Stress can effect her sex drive. If you love her you must wait, but don't allow her to not seek treatment. As for the other men who want to get some on the side? I assure you she is just like any woman when it comes to sex. Good at the start but end the end stress and other factors will take it all away in the long term. Gentlemen we must be supportive not for sex but for our families and wives. As for our sex drive... Fasting, or masturbation, long runs, meditation... Getting in tune with controlling the desires will make you stronger and help you deal with whatever issues you may not have known you carried. Good Luck men.
- —Guest A fellow in the trenches
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