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Readers Respond: Stories and Solutions About Low Sex Marriages

Responses: 306

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From the article: Low Sex Marriage Poll
A low sex marriage may seem okay to one spouse and yet may be viewed as a huge problem by the other spouse. How have you dealt with the issue of differing sex drives in your marriage? Share Your Story

My Wife Is Not Interested in Sex

we are married for almost 6 months , during honeymoon we had sex after that wife started avoiding my ,she use to go to office even weekends. use to give reason like back pain body ache so on, when i asked her she will say she does want to have sex with me but she wants to be friendly with her without that through out my life . I am feeling very upset
—Guest my fate

No More Feeling For Him

I have been married for 13 yrs bt fo the last 5yrs i d nt feel like having sex with him i was trying bt its even worse now he used to fight wth shoutng. Now we no longer share the same bed how longer am l going to live wth this issue , he doesnt even share anything with even money he jus do his things quiet need help. Is it a good idea to give back my ex chance he always helping in this hard time im having im confused sometime i dnt even want to talk to any man thinking they are same plz help me always in tears. Editor's Note: Making life changing decisions when you are confused and depressed is not recommended. I do hope you find a counselor who can help you through this difficult time.
—Guest Nancy

Does He Love Me?

I don't have a year with my husband. When we first me we would make love for hours every day. And now I beg him to tell him over and over to make love to me and he doesn't. We make love now maybe 2 a month? What should I do I'm tired of begging my husband to make love to me. I have needs. he watches a lot of porn.
—Guest lonely

No Sex For 12 Years

I was 19 and he was 22 when we got married. I always liked sex. He decided once a week was enough. 22 and he only wanted sex once a week. It was all downhill from there. I didnt know about his masturbation and use of prostitutes. After he was present for the birth of our second son he decided to accept a job out of town for 6 weeks. That was a good time for him to go back to his old ways. Porn, strip clubs and prostitutes. He kept that up for 17 years until I caught. He went to psychologist for a while and said he was cured, except that now he had ed. He used a vacuum pump with me for 5 years. We moved into our dream house, children are gone and again no sex for 12 years. Tried to talk to him, he would not talk. I know decide he is just old and has not interest. Surprise. He joined cheating web sites and escort member sites. He even identified him self on web as a sexual hobbyist. His ed didnt stop him. He is unable to orgasim and that didnt stop him.
—alicia.yenlod

Husband Is a Dud

Heh, I'm in my mid 60's and only had sex with husband once in 46 years. Since our wedding night he has refused sex, love, intimacy, communication, sleep together nothing to do with each other. He even worked 42 years on nights to be away from me, he even slept in the basement so he could be alone.
—Guest AMY

I Love Him But...

I read these posts to see if maybe I could find my way back to what I had. My husband and I have been with each other for 7 yrs, good and bad, and now we are married for almost a 1 year. But I do not desire him, not like most would think. I love him, he is my best friend. But our life has gone downhill. I don't have any sexual desire, and to please him, I must confess I fake it. I try to "get in the mood", but I've lost my mojo. It is most likely due to depression and extreme stress, but without the money to go get help, what am I suppose to do? I do feel as though sometimes I should simply divorce him and let him find someone better. Another thought, let him cheat. But I love him, and it hurts me to know that I cannot make him happy. He feels as though I do not desire him, and it hurts his self esteem when I deny him. We have talked, fought, cried over this... but he says if I don't get help then I must not care. Heartbroken to think I may have lost him... Editor's Note: Have you checked to see if you have access to mental health care now that Obamacare is in effect? http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20131011/obamacare-should-help-those-with-mental-health-issues-advocates-say
—Guest nosexallmyfault

Alone and Frustrated

Been married 27 years. The last seven years we have not had sex, at all. My religion keeps me from cheating. Husband now has ED but will not seek help. After we were first married husband changed. He forced me to get therapy and I made major changes for him, but he has not worked on himself for me, ever. I should have divorced early in marriage but was scared to do so. Now I am thinking of divorce again. There is nothing between us, but he seems content with the way things are. I am 53 now and not sure if I want to be divorced and alone, or stayed married but continue to be alone in marriage. He was never a good lover and had premature ejaculation every time we had sex but he refused to get help, and refused to explore new things to try to improve ways to satisfy me. We do not touch, cuddle, talk, etc. He always ignores me. So I do not try anymore. Last year I even told him I thought of having an affair and he just shrugged his shoulders, never said a word. No changes. Editor's Note: Would he make possible changes or have a willingness to see a counselor if you said you were considering a divorce?
—Guest regrets

Is It Over?

I married my husband 3 years ago. Been together for 5 years. Our sex life was great for about 6 months. I knew he took Cialis and was totally ok with it. We had sex 2 times within a year of getting married. Our honeymoon was for 12 days, he never touched me once. 2 months after our wedding I started seeing a therapist because I could not take the rejection. Our marriage was not consummated until nearly 9 weeks. Since then we have only had sex 3 times. It has been 15 months since our last time. He quit taking the pills, said they did not work. Had his testosterone checked, it was bad low and Dr. prescribed cream, but he only took one month. I recently discovered he's been looking at porn on internet a lot. I have tried many times to talk to him about this, but he says his health problem (Hep C), which his levels have been fine for the past 3 years is the problem. I am 45, very attractive and fit. I don't understand. I have no dignity left as a woman. Is it over ?
—Evlin123

Sexless Marriage/Prior He Laid There

I have a disease so it was hard for us at times. It's been well over a year since we last had it and notice I did NOT call it making love. He married very late in life at 46, he's now 56 and I am 48. Over 10 years now and during the years of abstinence I've gone through the change - gee I wonder why? We had a HUGE sex life prior to marriage, after it has dwindled to this. Now it's NEVER! I'll suggest it, he'll be ALL for it when it comes right down to it he backs out saying he's tired EVERY time no matter what time of day! I'm DONE with suggesting it tired of being let down! Granted we've both put on weight but . . . I can't even play music to get him in the mood as it interferes with him climaxing! Have you ever tried to do this ALWAYS IN SILENCE? I'm VERY depressed over this. I keep fishing to see if he's getting it elsewhere and I don' t think so? I think he just does not need it? He has NEVER pleasured me. What about ME in ALL of this? Not MY choice! What do I do? I'm not dead yet
—Guest Jane Doe 48

So Sad and Broken...

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. He is only interested in me about 4 times a year. I feel like a broken record… bringing it up about every 3 months, when I cannot take it anymore… feeling so alone in a marriage is a horrible feeling. I bring up the subject, he fights with me then tells me he is sorry and doesn't want it to be like this… but nothing changes. My love language is touch and my tank is on -1000. When we go out of town… the first thing I think of when we get to our hotel room is how great it would be if we made love… he says… where do you want to eat… not my idea of a fun time. I am losing myself… I am dying inside. I need help to figure this out. I have asked several times how I can change his perception of me… and he can't tell me. Sometimes I want to leave… but I will honor my vows. I think he is a good man… I am hoping he is not having an affair. I hoping he does not regret marrying me. I am really trying not to have resentment. I just don't get it… help?
—Guest Guest T

Oh Soooo Disapointed...

My biggest mistake was getting married without getting IT!! She said she was saving it for marriage..I wanted to live together...she was wonderful person so I married her. 17 years and we've had sex about 17 times!!!! WTF!! She would always rather cook, clean, do laundry and talk on the phone about a thousand times a day with her mom and still at home sister, and always try to push me away. So, one day I decided to stop initiating and what do you know, 2 1/2 years went by before she made a move. I think she's gay or frigid...should have left after 5 years!!! I now desperately hope for a miracle to meet someone and have good sex and some kids.
—Guest 52 no kids and horny!!!

Sexual Desire

I too have been married over 10 years been through affairs and still are together my husbands need for sex is several times a day if he dont get sex at least once a day he is mean and says that I must not find him attractive or have passion for him. This makes me feel terrible because I do love my husband and dont want anyone but him. I just dont have a large sexual desire its not him he is great its me I have vaginal pain and he is well endowed so it makes it worse for me this issue is the only problem in our marriage I wish I wanted sex whats my problem why can I get aroused?
—Guest candy0311

World Upside Down

I do not know what to do! My hubby is 13 years older than me at 48 and has lost any interest in not only our sex life but even plain communication. At first he could not keep his hands off me and was always pulling me into kisses hugs the bedroom. First it changed to every couple days then weeks then months here it is October 2013 and I have only had it once this year. Is it his age? Is it me? Now a days i can not even kiss hug cuddle or touch him without getting chewed out he claims he still loves me and i really do love him but i have needs too what to do? Then he moved in with me and everything went down hill. We have been together six years
—Guest Roxy

Low Sex Marriage

I have been married for about a year. We are in late 20s, early 30s. I consider myself healthy and have a high desire for sex. Unfortunately, we only have sex once a month. He stops kissing after the wedding. We are still in the same bed but just stop at hugging, rarely move any further. Im never topless to him before. He doesn't think its a big deal or bother removing it. I absolutely want to enjoy more sex. I told him I have energy to do it everyday. He said he will try but :((( its still sexless
—Guest Sarah

Wait...

You're supposed to have fantasies about your spouse? Not happening over here. I fantasize about men who actually behave like men and have the energy to do the stuff men are supposed to want to do with women. I've come to conclusion that my husband is just too old to satisfy me. Before anyone gets their knickers or briefs in a wad, I get it. It's my fault, I know. I resigned myself to this fate by falling in love with a man 12 years older than me. I haven't the courage to cheat, I'm too shy. Now, he is even disabled with ED to boot. 43 years old with ED and a T level of 230. No sex for me! Might as well get fat. At least food tastes good and it's always there.
—Guest Talara

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Stories and Solutions About Low Sex Marriages

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