From the article: Low Sex Marriage Poll
A low sex marriage may seem okay to one spouse and yet may be viewed as a huge problem by the other spouse. How have you dealt with the issue of differing sex drives in your marriage? Share Your Story
Sexless Marriages
- Anyone in this situation is in real trouble. Your partner doesn't want to live with his sister or brother! He or she wants a lover, & you signed up for it when you got married! whether you like it or not you need to satisfy his or her needs. If not you will be partly responsible for when he or she cheats on you. Go to a doctor and get some testosterone supplement advice as sometimes this is the issue. If you do not hear my advice then you will manifest what you are really after....An end to your marriage. Make the change and get happy, not a new partner. You don't need to do anything weird ? You need to stop trying to win your stupid game, drop your ego as it is not all about you! Now you hate me? A stranger will tell you the truth. I wish you luck to all of you in this position but your husband or wife can be and should be living life next to you, not around you as a good friend. You only have a good marriage, intentionally, forget soul mate stuff.
- —Guest MRmarried
Frustrated
- I have lived in a low/no sex marriage for years. It doesn’t matter what I do. Flowers, affection, romantic dinners etc are useless. Every time I try to be intimate, she delays. (“Let’s do it tomorrow”) Only tomorrow, something always comes up to delay it again (She doesn’t feel well, the dog is sick, a friend calls. The excuses are endless.) Sometimes, she will even suggest sex herself. However, it is never on the spot, but at a point in the future, that rarely comes. I am lucky if we have sex more than 8 to 10 times a year. When I try to talk with her about my frustrations, she just justifies the last time and says that she is doing the best she can. It is hell.
- —Guest Normal Guy
Please!
- I feel like I have the sex drive of a teenage boy, and my husband of that of a 90 year old woman. I don't know what has happened along the way. We used to have sex alot, now only one or twice a month. I've talked to him about it a hundred times and he always says he'll work harder and try more, but nothing ever changes! I try to play with him, and he still blows me off. I have recently been really upset about this, who would have thought I would have to beg my own husband sex! I do love him but with no love making my love is fading. For a woman sex is love and love is sex, therefore no sex and no love, no love and no sex. He's been telling me different excuses over the years, like we have our whole lives to have sex and I don't want for us to get bored. Well newsflash, it's boring now! I look back to my first boyfriend who was the best lover I've had, but gave no affection. And my husband showers me with love and affection but low sex! I'm not sure what's worse!
- —Guest I want it bad
Low Sex
- I am 31 years old and got 2 kids.. I married 6 years but I not feel exciting or fun when sex with my husband,,, We have sex 1 month 2x only but my husband not complained about me,,,, is it my problem and how to settle this problem? Please help me.
- —Guest Y
I'm Without
- I don't have low sex. I have no sex. Been married 45 years and we only had sex 1 time on our wedding night. Nothing since then. I can't even remember what it was like. My husband didn't like sex, he thought it was a waste of time, to much work for so little, no excitment or pleasure, digusting and messy. So he just stopped and distanced himself from me like moving to the basement completely ignoring me for all these years. Some may think he is gay or into porn. I've hired a detective many times to follow him and there was nothing. And I couldn't see why any one would go out with him. He dresses like a homeless person, goes nowhere, even our neighbors have commented that they never see him out side or go anywhere. I only stay with the worthless person because of the pension and the medical benefits. ,
- —Guest Amy
Am I Broke?
- I don't know what do do anymore?!?! No matter what I try, I just can't get into sex with my husband! I dread the thought of him trying all day long. The during is absolutely disgusting to me. Every aspect of sex with my husband is repulsive. It's not him, it's just the act there in. I keep trying to find a solution, and can't. The last time we were together, it almost felt like rape. It wasn't always like this, but after having our children, I haven't been the same. There are so many issues in our marriage, I wonder if that is a reason why. Or is it his anger and attitude. Is it all me? Is something wrong with me? Is it my work, my child? Is it because I feel so lonely? Or do I feel lonely because we're not intimate. I'm just lost, and it seems nobody who posts related issues online is at this level. Am I alone in this? Editor's Note: With so much going on in your marriage, I do hope you can find a marriage counselor who can help you through this difficult time. It isn't all you.
- —Guest G
Sick of Sex
- I am 2.5 years into my marriage, and I hate sex! Husband has very high sex drive, and even during sex is asking when he can have it again! He says its a compliment- to me its an insult ( i must be doing something wrong, right? ) We have Big relationship issues outside of sex (violence & control) we are having councelling, but I dont know if we can save the marriage as sex disgusts me now. He has spent the last 3 years trying to bully me into anal, and the thought of it makes me sick. I feel so much resentment to him and can barely tolerate him kissing me as I feel suffocated. I am aware that withholding sex is harmful and so I do oblige, 2-3 times a week but he still feels starved. I feel so sad as I want my marriage to work, hence the councelling, but I hate having to be a good wife and have sex when it upsets me so much. I dont want to live like this.
- —Guest Bored
Young Sexless Wife
- i am 23, my husband is 25. We've been married for 8 months. Our marriage is not your typical one, most people think, we are young and can't get enough of each other. When reality is we don't even have sex as much. Since we been married we have had sex like 8 to 10 times in those 8 months. And it's not because I don't want to, I would have sex everyday. But my husband can't and won't. I have tried talking to him about it a lot but he says he has no idea what's wrong, I just think he's a 25 year old that should be in the max of his sexual needs. He doesn't like kissing, hugging, no sex, oh and me trying to touch him it's a no no! I am so stressed, I am 23 and never thought I would go through this. Never imagined to have sex I had to beg to my own husband. I just don't know what to do, he doesn't want to get help. I love him every much and it sucks to be a sex less wife. When everyone around us thinks other wise. I been told the key is communication but communication is not working here.
- —Guest young23
Wanting to find a Compromise
- After many nights of feeling utter despair and sadness shedding silent tears on my pillow, feeling alone, undesirable, and wondering what could be wrong with me, I've discovered and am coming to accept that my husband just simply has a much lower sex drive than I do. I never imagined I would be the one wanting 'more.' Before realizing this, it literally would eat me up inside. Being a female, and quite sheltered as a girl, I've felt ashamed of admitting that I am the one that wants more. I've always heard about the scenario being the other way around. I would often try to initiate love making, but nothing I did seemed to work and constant rejection felt awful, almost like I was dirty for wanting it with my own husband! :( However, I am dedicated to finding a compromise because I love him and I know he loves me. I know there are a lot of other couples in the same boat. My plan is to start internet searching for ways to help! http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_sex_drives.htm
- —Guest K. S.
So Confused!
- So my fiancé and I have lived together for almost 2 years, we have known each other and been head over heels in love for almost 10. We're now both 30 and planning to get married this September. Everything about our relationship is great, I mean really great... except the sex. We spend plenty of time together, we trust each other, we hardly ever fight, never yell at each other, and we love to cuddle up together. To everyone else, we are the perfect couple, I wouldn’t say it’s a lie, but this sex thing is becoming a problem! It started out we were having sex ALL the time, it was great. Now it’s down to once a week if I’m lucky and I’m always the one coming to him. Most of the time I’ll get a gentle rejection and it’s a major blow to my esteem. He doesn’t seem to have a problem with his libido though; he has his private time quite often. It seems like he enjoys himself more than he enjoys being with me, which I don’t get! Even offers of just giving him oral sex get shot down. I don't get it.
- —Guest Anna Kitty
Lesbian Partner No Longer Interested
- I love my partner very much and want to be with her forever but she has no interest in sex and I so miss the intimacy.
- —Guest Lonely in love
Dear Caretaker
- If your wife feels as I do, she is over come with shame, guilt, frustration and anger. I have the same problem, and I am trying everything, I feel like I am leading my husband on if I hold his hand or kiss him. I love him so much at times I really believe he would be better off without me because I can't give him the sex life we use to have. I am 43 and I had a complete hysterectomy at 30, my husband is 6 years younger than me, and I am disabled, from RA, Diabetic, Osteoarthritis, and the list goes on. I know how hard it is for me and you feel like you went from a wife into a burden .... They dont have a little pill to fix this problem for women. Believe me, I love my husband with every breath I take and I would rather be dead than live without him ... But I can't stand watching him believe no matter what I say its not his fault, and it's not mine either. It just is ....
- —43deni
What's the Problem?
- I am a 35 year old male married for 3 years been with her for 11 years. We started out good sex every day a couple of times a day for the first 5 or 6 years then it went to maybe 3 times a week which was still fine with me until we got married. Then just all of a sudden it changed and she didn't want to have sex anymore. I asked what's the problem and she would say I don't know, I will go to the doctor and find out, but she never did. Then we started to always fight about it. At that point I stopped caring now a year later she wants to have sex again but I'm used to not having it & now she swears up and down that I'm cheating but she is the one that started this problem and still haven't giving me a reason. Why so how should I handle this ?
- —Guest Billy
Almost No Sex
- Wife does not want, apparently medical related. Already only twice a month. Getting me upset and frustrated. Don't want to abnegate myself to be a monk the rest of my life. But if I cheat she might sue me for cheating and divorce with half my assets. If I file for divorce the same result. Feel like in a rat maze. She has become more of a roomate than else.
- —Guest Jose
He Would Flip If He Saw This ...
- I'm only 20 years old, my husband 23! We have a one year old little girl! So of course sex slowed down after she was born ... There's not much time, unless she's asleep or at Grandma's for the night. Me and my husband work aallloottt!!! I'm an active army lab tech and I work from 0600-about 6:30 pm. And he works in a lab as well but from 10:30 pm until 7am or sometimes 6:30 pm to around 3:30 am. Either way we don't see each other much! And when we do he doesn't even try to have sex. Always the same excuse -- too tired! I don't understand what guy wouldn't want to have sex! We average maybe once every 2 weeks. And I don't think it is because of my weight. I've lost almost 30 lbs from when I was pregnant and I am definitely in much butter shape. IDK -- and when we talk he just blows if off like it's not serious at all. Anyways, what do you think?
- —Guest WOW
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