From the article: Emotional Needs -- Not Necessarily Filled By Your Marriage Partner
We've written about emotional needs and what wives and husbands often want from their spouses. We'd like to hear from you what you want from your spouse and from your marriage. What do you want from your marriage? Share Your Wants
Self-centeredness
- We are married for last 26 years. Having struggleful life. She has no interest in sex as compared to me. Now I feel she is so self centered that it keeps me irritated all the day. Though I am known very social and funny outside but in my family they say I am the most negative person. I cannot tell her and the family that she is reason for my so called negativness, if at all I am. But after reading the articles above and others' problem and issues, it looks like I have to make a lot of changes in me overlooking her selfishness and keep trying the best from side without caring what I get in response or not. I am noting all those points made by the wives above that what they want, kind of surprises, love expressions and emotions etc. BUT THEY SHOULD ALSO UNDERSTAND AFTER ALL WE ARE ALSO HUMANS, WE ALSO WANT TO BE LOVED, APPRECIATED AND TO BE FELT THAT WE ARE SPECIAL FOR THEM.. Lets see, minimum from tonight I am going to do my best, god will see the rest.
- —Guest GUEST GURU
Reluctant
- I was married for 14 years and have been divorced for 4. I'm very reluctant to be married again because I felt like I loved her and provided security but it wasn't enough. After reading all of your blogs why would I want to take that risk again? It seems dating and having fun is a much better option!
- —Guest Joe
Zumba Girl
- I am now divorced. My husband had 3 affairs, when I found out about the third one I was done. Now I am so lonely, wish I could meet someone to go out with. I am 62, how do you do the dating scene? I try to go out, go to Tims for coffee etc, tried on line meeting, only the too olds answer me, what can I do?
- —Guest lonely girl
Who Wrote This Article -- A Woman?
- Did a woman write this? No where did it say men want sex on a regular basis. That is how we connect in so many ways to our wife. Sadly, such requests are normally met with a dismissive comment(s) & attitude.
- —Guest guest Dexter
Sexual Healing
- My husband and I have been married for 27 years and sex is still going strong. I make sure all his desires are fulfilled. I give to him how ever, when ever, all nite and every position. I know ladies it's hard when you have kids and work outside the home. I do have kids and work but make a little special effort for your husbands, let go, put out and relax. Believe me, he'll want more, btw it don't matter what you wear to bed. What matters is what you do to him.
- —Guest JAY
Companionship in Marriage
- I want my wife to be my friend and to spend time with me, to do lots of things together. She likes to be for ever on the computer, watch Star Trek and play video games. I was less lonely before I married her.
- —Guest Companion
How About Making Sex a Top Priority?
- None of these responses really say men need a sexual partner who knows and acts upon keeping the passion alive! I've been married to my wife since 2004, and almost right away she stopped participating in the playfulness of lovemaking. We are both attractive and relatively fit. The frequency of sex was about 1 time a month, then 1 time in 2 months, and so forth. I did all the romantic things men should always do, etc.. She just would act like "let's get it over with" or she would orgasm and I would be left to finish up myself. It's now been 3 years since we've had sex, and it's because I decided to stop initiating. We've been to therapy, had many conversations, etc... I now believe marriage is a sham, cause in the end, one is now legally bound to not have sex... One of the best things in life.
- —Guest Trapped
And
- I do all of these things .... It makes no difference. I feel stuck in a relationship where I cannot win. I make a decent living (not six figures) I do not drink very much, do not do drugs. Go to work everyday religiously, come straight home, wash the dishes, help with the laundry, tell her I love her everyday, kiss her everyday. She stopped having sex with me a year ago and tells me she doesn't know when we will have sex again. I do not bug her to much about it but when I do she tells me "It always comes back to sex with you.". It makes me feel like less of a man. Ladies it does matter to us even if it does not to you. It has a impact. I married her and she has a child from a father that wanted nothing to do with the child. I am not allowed to correct the child in any way at all if I do I am told to stop and that I should not even attempt to do so. Our was great in the beginning now I feel lost. She does not talk to me and tells me I am not funny when I try to be funny. I am lost.
- —Guest Larry
Sex and Talk
- I received the best advice before I got married. My Head of Department told me a good marriage is based on two things 'the wife will have sex when the husband wants it and the husband will listen when the wife wants to talk'. It works for us. I made a commitment never to reject my husband's advances, with children I've learned to write rain cheques, but they need to be honoured within 48 hours. Any whinges I make after sex too (clean the loo, take me to dinner more often). He feels so loved up he'll agree to anything and, no, he doesn't forget. At least once a month I jump him as he says that makes him feel desirable therefore loved. My beloved feels loved when he gets sex and when he does he gives me what makes me feel loved and, yes, I have to let him know what that is, but he listens. Win win. I wish he'd clean the loo after he uses it.
- —Guest Shellz
Hopeful
- Most women I know would walk on coals for a man who treats them this way. But if things have gotten really bad, it might be awhile before she trusts you again after you start. In the end all I can really work on is me and be as gently, respectfully verbal about what I find nurturing/cherishing as I'd want him to be with me. Good gravy though .... what I wouldn't do for a man who treated me this way ...... wow.
- —Guest Somewhere Clean
A Good Woman
- My husband is only interested in his business before any thing. So I want him to love and care for me too.
- —Guest Memoh peace
Wow..
- I am a faithfully married man of 10 years. I constantly tell my wife she is beautiful, even though she hates her body and doesn't want sex because of it - hates the fact that I have gained weight (I'm 40 and have - it's true, but I am not an overweight slob) and have been there for our 2 kids for 6 years and listened to her complain about her job for at least 5 of those years. I am an electrician whose trade has vanished and am now going back to school to learn a new trade and am being shut out of affection because my wife is so stressed out with her job and the demands of being the sole provider of the family. I wish I were in her shoes. I wish I was the one that had to get up every day in a job that was seemingly endless and had no escape. That's security, folks and I don't have it. I love my wife to the bitter end and would do anything for her - all I ask is a little lovin' every month. I get it 2 times a year. Us guys will put up with a lot if we just get some love a little more often.
- —Cero40
Affection, Passion, Genuine Care - LOVE
- I, like most women, would do anything for my husband. Some times I get so hurt because I feel like he doesn't feel the same. I know some women can be clingy so I've tried very hard to keep from that. But now, I feel even further apart. We've only been married a short time and I feel alone. He could make all that go away with an unexpected kiss, hug, or even hello at times. He is a wonderful man, but I feel like his lack of showing me love has put our marriage in danger. Men: kiss her, love on her, make love to her. Surprise her (small stuff), write a note, rub her back, give her a pat on the bottom, send a sexy email, light a candle and hold her hand as you lead her into the bedroom, send a flower or balloon to her work, occasionally make a public affection to her, hold her (no words just be with her and hold her), make her dinner, wait for her to eat dinner, when she cries, wipe away her tears, kiss away her hurt, if she tells you she has an issue -- it's big enough to need you. Respect her!
- —Guest Sad and lonely
Not a Parent
- I would like not having to ask permission to go out with friends, and he shouldn't say no. Just becuase he doesn't go out with his guys because he doesn't want to. I'm 26 and your wife is not your child.
- —Guest GurlyGreene
Listen to the Advice
- As a committed and faithful husband, I am really amazed at the comments here. The point was that men need emotional needs met just as women do. These were listed and on the surface sound quite simple. Before blaming your partner for their inadequacy consider whether you're doing the basics.
- —Guest a man
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