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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 225

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Well..

I am 23 years old.. also the child of two people who ended up divorcing over pornography. I caught my father in the act many many times.. in the living room, in the family room, in his room with the door cracked when he thought everyone was asleep while mom was working.. and I am here to tell you.. I'm damaged. I'm not sure how this will help anyone.. but I could never look at my father the same, and we will never have a healthy relationship because of it. I will never have a healthy relationship because of it.
—Guest Krystina

Porn Addiction Told In a Story

I wrote a book, PORTRAIT OF OUR MARRIAGE, Memoirs of Love, Family, the Internet, and Obsession. It is a story, not a lecture of one woman's life. Her journey is woven into a story as her husbands once mere interest in porn becomes, over the years, an addiction. The story is fun, sexy, thought provoking, and blatantly realistic about how this addiction can change people and your life. The book is a culmination of information from 8 women's lives. Not a fantasy fairy tale romance but an adult read that takes you behind closed doors into the world of the forbidden. As with many addictions, addicts get to a point where what they've been doing doesn't work anymore. The changes can be shocking. This fictional memoir is a reality romance novel that takes on LOVE vs ADDICTION.
—Guest Martha Emms

Sick Of It

I'm so glad I read this and now know I am not alone. I'm 26 years old and my husband and I have been together ten years. He always pretended to hate porn and claimed he 'wasn't like other guys' I believed him. About 6 months ago I looked at his web history and found out that he watches gay and granny porn EVERYDAY. Even sometimes after we've had sex. This has left me with clinical depression and an eating disorder. It left me wondering what is wrong with me, now I realise there is something wrong with HIM not me. I want to leave him, but I can't as we have two children.
—Guest confusedandsad

Pornography Use

HELP.. I'M a 35yr old Wife of 18 yrs & have two beautiful teenagers & I just wanted to vent & see what others say especially Men, but I found out my husband about 4yrs ago has been secretly viewing online porn & webcams & the reason I found out was cause we used to be intimate @ least 3-4 x's a week & now I'm lucky to get it once a Month & that's cause I get moody after that long & I would b 100% satisfied if I got it once a wk & I know all too well that he's not going that long, but I have noticed that when he masterbates & we're playing it stays hard the whole time, but yet when him & I are intimate he goes limp after seconds & IT TOTALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS & MAKES ME FEEL UGLY & I'm being HONEST HERE, I am 5'5" 125lbs & very beautiful long blonde curly hair & my husband is 6'1" & 235lbs (big guy) but I LUV him no matter what, through thick & thin & don't UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOES THIS ESPECIALLY WHEN HE HAS ME WAITING??
—Guest HELP!!!!

Too Many Battles

I don't like it either, I do believe it doesn't matter how good looking you are, they like the variety, they like the fact that the person on the screen is someone else. It is to do with spreading the seed. I've had to battle it before twice, those people were the ones who download it. The main problem for me is the fact they don't understand why it is hurtful. I am on guared about my dislike, with the latest guy there was a misunderstanding which led to me not questioning him much. Luckily I found out early. It's horrible when you think you're the only one then you find out they are looking at porn of models they find a lot more attractive and won't give it up.
—Guest Nicola

Bull ...

Whoever thinks its acceptible to watch porn while married is possessed. It destroys everything. Why ruin something amazing over a quick nut. Its pathetic and nothing but the devils work. If you loved your partner with all of your soul then the thought of porn would never even cross your mind other than thinking its raunchy. I hate how the world is now basically nothing but sex. Mainly women. I have a son and i dont wana flip thru the channels and see slutty commercials. I really hate it. It seriously makes me crazy. I dont care what the excuse is. Thats something u do when your single not "happily" married.
—Guest jennifer

Porn and Affair With a Friend of Mine

At least now I don't feel so alone and crazy. My husband has not only been looking at Porn but had an affair with a friend of mine 5 years ago. I forgave him and then found out last year after my mother died he was speaking again to the slut and found out they had slept together when I had given birth to our first born, I was in the hospital and he slept with her in our home. They kept it a secret from me for 27 years of our marriage. I couldn't deal with it then because I was grieving over the lost of my mother and now it is all coming to the surface. I expressed to him I did not like him looking at Porn and continues to hide it from me, I just wonder what other woman he has had an affair with. The trust is completely gone and the idea of him touching me repluses me, we haven't had sex for 2 months. I would be okay financially, but it's ending a 28 year marriage and breaking a family apart that's hard, we are just living like roommates for now.
—Guest donna

Porn is 4 Pigs

Im married to a porn addict along with narcistic, angry, control freak.. im scared and have been with him since 1996 married for 15 of the years..lying, manipulative, condescending guy he is.. I feel worst around him than when hes not around.. the porn is mentally affecting him meaning, no i love yous, no positive compliments, ignorance, expects performance just like the garbage his eyes have been exposed to, no thanx to his coworkers.. he has me financially codependent.. i need advice please
—Guest emotionally drained

Join Him

Unlike so many others, porn has been a good thing in out marriage... because we enjoy it together. Because we share the enjoyment he has not spent very much time watching without me. He prefers to watch it with me. It is one way we keep our sex life exciting. You never know, you might even get some ideas to try something new. By the way, my husband and I have been together 6 years and things only seem to be getting better.
—Guest Great sex life, great marriage

Rising Above It

My husband of 36 yrs. knows that I know he watches porn. I have cried, talked and yelled to no avail. However, I realized long ago that I AM NOT the problem. He's addicted and it's upto him to seek help. He refuses counseling because he knows he'll be told to stop. He pleases himself whenever I go out for a while. I see it all over his face: Guilt. So I'm doing my best to turn down his sexual advances and not saying anything anymore. I see that now he realizes he's doing me wrong so I'm going to look the other way whenever I can for now and see how this transpires.
—Gailsy

Gail

My husband of 36 yrs. has become addicted to porn, too. He finally admitted it to me after 5 mos. of my knowing and says it's a "Guy" thing and he still wants sex with me. We have had sex probably 1-2times/week for the past 6 months, but only when I feel up to it. He always makes the first move, and quite frankly I'm turned OFF by him. He can no longer ejaculate with me: only to Porn. He says he doesn't mind not "finishing", but still enjoys it! What hurts is I'm sure he's fantasizing when he's with me and I cannot do this any longer. He has the nerve to give ME the cold shoulder after I've asked him again about why he looks at it continuously throughout the day. He's 70 and retired and I'm also home now too. Whenever I go out for a while I know he masturbates because his behavior changes drastically. He cannot make eye contact with me and does his best to look busy or watch TV instead of being with me. He certainly acts tired and doesn't want sex from me. Want to leave him
—Guest Gailsy

It's Not Getting Better

I've been married for 25 years. Husband has had a porn addiction since he was a teen. I told him he was an adult and that as long as the kids (2) didn't find any of his stuff it was ok. Kids are now both adults. He often 'forgot' and left DVDs where the kids could find them. We used to have sex - never spetacular, but I never turned him down. But our sex life has ground to a halt in the last 5 years. He now watches porn on his computer in our living room - our 20 year old daughter has caught him repeatedly. He can't complete the sex act with me, has gained 50 pounds and I don't know if he is even worth it anymore.
—Guest lonelywife3

Change of Thought

I have always hated porn. I caught my husband 5 times after he promised he would stop. He wasn't doing it excessively, but he was doing it. Foolishly I believed him when he said he wasn't doing it, but something told me he was. It got to the point where I thought you can't have both. I believe over 90% of the women in porn are gross. It's elaborated, fake, and completely unrealistic. I always thought how could you get off to that and ME? I'm the complete opposite of those women. Then I had a change of thought. Him watching porn has nothing to do with me and quite frankly it is none of my business what he does in his private time. As much as I wanted that control..I could not control what he does. Tough pill to swallow, but the truth.
—Guest Guest Bree

Twisted Porn

I don't think the problem lies with general porn and moderate viewing. I don't find this easy to explain, but I'll give it a go. The internet gives such easy access to EVERY kind of depraved, sadistic porn that it's possible to stumble upon something that makes me question my mental health afterwards. After seeing something I had rather not seen, even if I did masturbate to it, I can be put off porn for days or even weeks. The shame/secrecy/relief can easily lead to psychological dependancies for those who are easily addicted. I believe that if you actively try to avoid violent or other disgusting genres of porn, you can prevent desensitization to these images, preventing the addiction from taking worse forms. Just my 2 pennies after watching porn for some 10 years with increasingly vile queries and then dialing it down because of the misanthropy and self hatred I started to feel and the fear of developing a misogynistic personality. Nowadays I need love to get aroused.
—Guest tp

Broken

My husband has ruined out marriage by his porn addiction! His day consists of porn porn porn and affairs! When he don't get his porn he gets abusive with me and his children! Our sex life left cause I was replaced by a computer! The addiction is so bad that he will look at anything! It's sad how a man who claimed he loved his family ruined it buy letting his addiction to porn control his every day action and moods! He would never get out of bed and no one sleeps that much, he ate slept and drank porn it was and still is his life! The sad part is he thinks I need help when he is the one living in some type of fantasy world of him and his porn and web dating sites! His children are a mess and they are sad because he chose his porn over his family!
—Guest Terrie

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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