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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 327

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This Is Why So Many Are Hurt...

The article is riddled with lies. This is why porn causes such devastation in marriages. Things like this tell the women who have been abused and cheated on that it is just their insecurities! Marriage is supposed to be monogamous! If you use porn, you are no longer faithful. If you go outside your relationship for sexual gratification or excitement you are cheating. Everyone keeps referring to what the other partner feels ... it doesn't matter. Marriage was instituted by God, and the bible tells us in no uncertain terms, porn is adultery, no question no debate.
—Guest Notlost

Why Can't He Stop?

I just cannot believe him. He always telling me that he never had sex with other women but I cannot believe him he watch porn on tv when I'm sleeping
—Guest no body

Enormously Sad

I am so sad. My boyfriend of one year, who I love so much, and trust completely, watched some raunchy porn on his phone. I was too tired this morning when he wanted it and so he went down stairs and did that. I came down he had fallen asleep on the couch I clicked on his phone and boom the dehumanizing images of women being f***. I have a sick feeling feeling my stomach and heart. He promised me he wasn't even interested in that and I truly trusted him. I thought because he had the real thing and that he really loved me why would be do a "dog brained" thing and be like a horny animal rather than a man! And of course he did it despite the fact that I was really horny I just was getting a little extra sleep. Honestly he probably does it all the time. And it truly kills:( i tried moving on but when we had sex I just wanted to cry. It just feels like betrayal and I know when people get old and sex life isn't as fluent to maybe watch porn but it's only been a year! I'm soooo upset.
—Guest Hurting woman

I'm So Hurt

I've been marriage for 9 years, Im 28 years old. My husband and I, I would say is almost close to perfect. We have 3 beautiful kids were always happy but this one thing he has a porn addiction. At first I was always mad and hurt when I would find it on his phone or laptop and we would have a big argument. Then I convince myself that I would rather him watch porn then to cheat. Until the other day he told one of his close friends that after making love to me he goes and watch porn ro me I felt like that was the last straw. I felt so hurt im not sure what to do from this point forward. I love my husband so much but to think that after we share something so wonderful he feels the need to go for extra is a feeling I cant even explain
—Guest proudmom3

This Is a LUST Problem

This isn't just a problem with porn -- it is a problem with lust. These people (usually guys) are self-medicating their lust addiction; porn is just an easy drug of choice. It literally kills to have someone you have allowed so close to betray you on such a deep level. It literally pierces the heart, wounding -- if not killing -- it permanently. This problem is an addiction; it is NOT normal. It sickens me that an individual will rationalize his (or her) abnormal behavior by saying it's "natural." How cowardly. Is it normal to not be able to hold an erection with a REAL woman? What is wrong with you if you have to imagine something up to even go off? It's pathetic. You can no longer please a REAL person. Who is abnormal now? I think it's possible for addicts to change ... but THEY have to want to. Sexaholics Anonymous really does help if they are willing ... but if they are excusing themselves, they deserve to be alone, dying a lonely death as the lecherous monster they have chosen to become.
—Guest Empty Inside

I Have Been Afraid For a Long Time

Pornography used to terrify me, because I didn't feel secure about myself and I distrusted men. I try to be as freaky as I can in the bedroom and now will have sex as much as I can with my husband, especially since he told me that he thought we needed to separate. I was afraid of porn because I didn't understand that it's just a fantasy and religion told me that it was bad and wrong, but now, after growing up, I can see that it can be fun and inspire a really great sex life. I feel that sex is really one of, if not the most, spiritual experience you can have. However, when I was younger, after we had kids, I was tired and not in the mood. I found some porn on our computer and I confronted him in a very gentle way. I just didn't act angry. I asked him if he felt I was desirable and I cried and we hugged and he saw how very hurt I was. Now I know that it has nothing to do with how I look. Now I see that I was jealous and now we are talking about it and sometimes watch sexy movies now.
—Guest anonymous

The Man Who Watched Porn

As the man in the relationship and the one who viewed porn I can tell you there is no going back for me. I have come to my senses but it is to little to late. There is nothing that could replace the love my wife and I shared and completely ruined it for nothing. Ithas opened unrepairablewounds and I can not regain her trust or live. If you watch it be prepared for what is to come. I am completely changed and a much better man then I ever was but I still lost her and that crushed me
—Guest j

I Know How It Feels

Believe me I know porn ruined my marriage my husband doesn't seem to get it at all I caught him seeing porn the next day and he told me he would see it when I was asleep I just don't understand why he doesn't like I'm ten times more pretty then him he is a tall over weight guy he told me that he will stop just about 3 days ago I saw porn on my own tablet of crazy sick stuff like cartoons do sexual stuff it's so disgusting!!!! And my husband didn't tell me until I confronted him I swear woman hers some advice for woman men are dogs and always will be so the right choice is to leave them like how I did it's better to use them to be with them they'll just hurt you either way I think porn is wrong and it destroys marriage s men are hypocrites they don't want there own daughters to be sluts but yet they see sluts
—Guest nana22

Where Does it End?

Because of the world we find ourselves living in, we now have the technology to access literally millions of sexually graphic images in our hand by touching our phones! 100 years ago, men had little access to photos of anything even close to what tempts so many with a few swipes on a smart phone! Watching technology progress, particularly in the last 20 years, has been a very scary progress for me. Pornography has hurt my feelings in past relationships, and having 2 daughters and myself being a victim of child molestation where my abuser used pornography, the feelings of helplessness have been overwhelming. Now here we are, welcome to the age of porn. I want to scream, "porn hurt!!". I ask myself how, why, and how much more of this are we going to let destroy us? Men, women and society as a whole. Guest Sweetz- you hit it dead on! Ladies, Listen Up! As long as we hide in shame, our pain will continue. Stop the madness. You women are the prize!
—Guest Sad Heart

Get Real

I thought I had a good marriage and I was my husbands sexual partner, and source of pleasure and excitement...Wrong. I am thin and considered attractive however I am 62. I found my husband not only using porn but checking out the craigslist casual encounters and seeking ads..only the one's with naked photos. We stayed together and he swore he wouldn't use it anymore because he didn't know it would be as devastating and life altering as it was for me. My problem with that is how after 25 years would you have no idea that getting aroused sexually by young naked things and watching sex acts and getting off by yourself would not hurt me?? I would know what would hurt him and I wouldn't be doing it. A year and a half later I just think he probably hides his internet use. I will never trust him to not hurt me, I will never never feel sexually attractive or exciting again and I will always harbor some anger and resentment.
—Guest Renee

Porn ruined my partner's sex... However

Porn ruined my relationship, however not all porn is bad, and it's not all pornography. There was always an intimacy disorder with him, and even though I am open-minded about porn, and don't mind watching it with him, the secrecy of watching it in private is a big part of his addiction, and it's not the same for him if he watches it with me. It's too bad because couples porn COULD HAVE been a positive spice to our sex life. Originally he never had a computer growing up and his exposure to porn was sporadic to say the least. Despite having an intimacy disorder he was forced to meet his sexual needs through me and we had a hot and happy sex life. About 6 years ago he got a smartphone and things started changing.... first sex with him became mechanical, soulless and completely boring, then he started suffering from delayed ejaculation, then he was always going soft during sex and had to jerk it a little to get hard again, and then, finally, we have no sex at all. He always asks me questions like why I don't open my eyes more during sex, or why I don't verbalize more, so I keep my eyes open during sex, and put on a big act, but it is never enough, because what he wants is a FANTASY. And then he's offended that I'm bored, because like many women I'm turned on by the man's desire and lust for me! This is why most romance novels center around a man torn with lust for the women, because without desire, you're just an aging man with a smaller d*** than 90% of porn stars. (Yes, don't be so conceited that you think you're great when viewed through a porn lens either). It's sad because it didn't have to be this way. Believe it or not, I've always watched porn, and have watched it with many past lovers, but we've always watched more organic "couples" and amuture porn that shows a couple's "natural" sexuality. And I used to think that porn is ALWAYS harmless to the couple, however now I know better. While porn could be a great way to learn about and explore natural sexuality, conventional porn is designed to be sex-negative and replace real, natural, human sex. My partner has sexually conditioned himself to a world where most women have labiaplasticies, their b***holes are bleached, the average age of a "MILF" is 26, and women ACT complaint and ecstatic about stuff that many women do not find pleasurable. Now he needs the speed and stimulation that only a hand can provide and no amount of Kegels and Pilates could give ANY women, including those young porn starlets on the screen. In other words... he's right where the porn producers want him... addicted to porn and sending them money instead of getting his needs met FOR FREE from me. And this is what gets me is the most; many men act as if porn producers are on their side, when in fact they just want the money they collect from men paying for porn, or from the ads on the "free" sites, and they care nothing about the collateral damage to marriages, families and the rest of a man's life. A real woman is competition to them, so the less real men like real women, the better. If a man falls into a pit of depression and he "destresses" with porn, why all the better! Right? It's sad. I feel sorry for men who use porn or drugs to escape from their problems, but we don't pretend that liqueur companies or drug dealers are our friends, so why do some men pretend that porn producers are "pure"? It's an open secret that many porn starlets don't orgasm from porn sex and fake their way through it so they can collect their paycheck. Our children, both boys and girls, need to learn to make love and not porn! That's where I am at today. However, I'm not sad, because I finally see clearly, and I'm finally empowered. Having a useless partner has finally taught me that I don't need a man for money (I can get a job), for companionship(I can get friends), or for physical needs(I can take care of myself). Finally, I told my man that if he wants to get his needs met elsewhere, then I get to do the same, and he can either deal with it, come up with a plan to get clean, or move on. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If he wants ME to be a WIFE, he needs to be a HUSBAND. Women like me, stop giving away your power! Seriously, a ton of bad relationships (including mine) are because a woman gave everything to a man, with no strings attached, and then got upset when he didn't do the same. Look, fidelity is a GIFT you give to a man, your time is a GIFT you give to a man, co-habitation is a GIFT you give to a man, cooking and cleaning is a GIFT you give to a man, your financial support is a GIFT you give to a man, they don't DESERVE it, and if you give it without asking anything in return, don't be surprised when you get nothing in return! I would say they same thing to men, meet a women where she is, and don't pretend that she is something that she's not. The only person whom you can control is yourself, so stop giving your power away.
—Guest Qwerk

Hurt Part 2

I borrowed his phone and found porn it opened on the internet. We were in public so I wasn't goin to make a scene. But inside I was hurt ... I told him to please stop ... finally 2 weeks ago, I asked him when he last looked at it, no lying. He said that day he did. I fell apart. Why does he have to look at these women? Does he fantasize about them during sex? We are engaged to be married ... the only reason I want to lose weight is so he won't leave me for some skinny porn star. Finally, a few days ago I looked at his phone history and found a sight with naked pictures. I flipped. I cried so hard and he told me his phone has a virus and he doesn't remember goin to that sight. Nonsense. He told me he won't ever look at it again. He said he can't stand me to be hurt. But yet he continued to hurt multiple times over and over when I begged him to stop. I don't believe him. If I find out he does it again, I will leave. I will. I should be enough.
—Guest Hannah

Hurt

My fiancé looked at porn when we first started dating. I thought I would be ok with it. We tried looking at it together. But I realized I can't. Why should we have to watch it together to get in the mood? Am I not enough to get him in the mood? Why does he have to look at women more prettier/sexier than I will ever be? I don't have an amazing body and probably never will. If he wants a porn star look alike girl friend, I told him to go find that. One night he wanted sex and I wouldn't give it to him. He started to jack off to pictures of women with me right next to him. That did it. I left the room and cried. He stayed and continued, got his fix, then finally came out to me. That was 4 months ago and that night still hurts me...he would rather get his fix then to come see what was wrong with me ... i told him how I felt. He said he would try to stop. Then I borrowed his phone. The first thing that popped up was a porn sight.
—Guest Hannah

I Just Don't Know Anymore

I just found out my husband watches porn on his cell phone and i had no idea. Our sex life is once or twice a month and know i guess i know why. I feel stupid and hurt and dont understand why.
—Guest CALLIE/AZ

Fight Back

instead of being a blubbering mess .. pick a porno out .. and watch guys with huge penises .. have sex alot .. force yourself and deliberately put it on. they don't care about your feelings. lick your wounds and pay them back.
—Guest tuna

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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