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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 156

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Is His Porn Use MY Fault?

I feel like my 35 year marriage is over. My recent discovery of my husband's porn use during our marriage (even though I begged him years ago to stop) and the countless lies he has told - is all my fault. I adored him, I always tried to be a sexual siren for him, kept my figure and made him feel like a stud even though he had ED. His only excuse for lying about his porn use for so long, was that he 'just wanted to look at all those young, gorgeous naked girls'. He stopped finally after being caught - so I do not feel he was a porn addict - so I need to know if it is the wife 'not being able to turn back the hands of time' enough justification for his years of lying to me about his growing secret internet porn use. Editor's Note: Of course, his use of porn or decision to lie to you is not your fault.
—Guest Phea

Webcam and Porn Chat

I think I have gotten past the videos and pictures and the whole bad acting movies..but the live webcams and web chat to me is just a form of legal prostitution.. I just cannot compete or even try to anymore.. even when we have sex which as of lately isn't often.. I find myself crying when it's over.. I've tried the whole talking thing and it works temporarily but he just must find these cam girls more interesting.. as long as he's paying.. they will give all the attention he wants.. so I guess I become one unsatified customer!
—Guest beyond caring

Haunt and Destroys My Marriage

My husband and I has only been married for 3 years. From the start of our marriage I have discovered pornography on his laptop but I kept quiet forcing myself to believe that that was from his past. Few months down the road while he was working I discovered more videos and images of naked women, women masturbating and various websites. He called me a b*** and kicked me for not accepting it. Few months later I got pregnant and again he left his phone at home and I found sex dating websites where he exposed himself searching for women in the site while stating himself as single. I was pregnant and devastated but he continued hurting me he continued that worthless search and indulgence of naked women while slowly hurting me. I then found bills from what he has paid just for a porn site. I wanna scream every single day how much I despise pornography how much it destroyed me as a woman as a wife as a mother and how much it haunts me every single day. All I wanted was a real marriage
—painfulsorrow

There is Help

Check out the website YOUR BRAIN ON PORN. It will give you insight on how the male brain works and the epidemic that we are all experiencing because of internet porn. You are not alone and it has nothing to do with you as a woman.
—Educateyourself

Wow!

First of all let me start by saying I am not in favor of porn in a marriage "IF" it is not OK with both parties. Scientific studies prove that when porn is used instead of having a real intimate relationship it is damaging. There MANY women who will do anything their man desires and it is not enough. Have sex multiple times a day and its not enough.
—TLM1972

He Broke Me Completely

I am 28 years old, it's been 1.6 years of my marriage i and my husband live in a long distance relationship. In my initial days of my marriage my husband never missed the chance to hurt me , he has huge collection of porn movies, mms and nude photographs of chicks . One day after cooking i went to our bedroom and i caught him masturbating and watching mms of a nude girl . I was so much broken and my eye filled with tears . Though I look attractive even have far better look than my partner but still he finds other girls more prettier . I always asked him to stop watching naked videos as it hurt me alot but he always broke my trust and kept hurting me. Ours is a love marriage , i always loved him but i never saw love from his side . I feel he married to me just because of having sex nothing more than that. Its always good to be single rather having partner like him.
—Guest Monikamalo

This Is Why So Many Are Hurt...

The article is riddled with lies. This is why porn causes such devastation in marriages. Things like this tell the women who have been abused and cheated on that it is just their insecurities! Marriage is supposed to be monogamous! If you use porn, you are no longer faithful. If you go outside your relationship for sexual gratification or excitement you are cheating. Everyone keeps referring to what the other partner feels ... it doesn't matter. Marriage was instituted by God, and the bible tells us in no uncertain terms, porn is adultery, no question no debate.
—Guest Notlost

Why Can't He Stop?

I just cannot believe him. He always telling me that he never had sex with other women but I cannot believe him he watch porn on tv when I'm sleeping
—Guest no body

Enormously Sad

I am so sad. My boyfriend of one year, who I love so much, and trust completely, watched some raunchy porn on his phone. I was too tired this morning when he wanted it and so he went down stairs and did that. I came down he had fallen asleep on the couch I clicked on his phone and boom the dehumanizing images of women being f***. I have a sick feeling feeling my stomach and heart. He promised me he wasn't even interested in that and I truly trusted him. I thought because he had the real thing and that he really loved me why would be do a "dog brained" thing and be like a horny animal rather than a man! And of course he did it despite the fact that I was really horny I just was getting a little extra sleep. Honestly he probably does it all the time. And it truly kills:( i tried moving on but when we had sex I just wanted to cry. It just feels like betrayal and I know when people get old and sex life isn't as fluent to maybe watch porn but it's only been a year! I'm soooo upset.
—Guest Hurting woman

I'm So Hurt

I've been marriage for 9 years, Im 28 years old. My husband and I, I would say is almost close to perfect. We have 3 beautiful kids were always happy but this one thing he has a porn addiction. At first I was always mad and hurt when I would find it on his phone or laptop and we would have a big argument. Then I convince myself that I would rather him watch porn then to cheat. Until the other day he told one of his close friends that after making love to me he goes and watch porn ro me I felt like that was the last straw. I felt so hurt im not sure what to do from this point forward. I love my husband so much but to think that after we share something so wonderful he feels the need to go for extra is a feeling I cant even explain
—Guest proudmom3

This Is a LUST Problem

This isn't just a problem with porn -- it is a problem with lust. These people (usually guys) are self-medicating their lust addiction; porn is just an easy drug of choice. It literally kills to have someone you have allowed so close to betray you on such a deep level. It literally pierces the heart, wounding -- if not killing -- it permanently. This problem is an addiction; it is NOT normal. It sickens me that an individual will rationalize his (or her) abnormal behavior by saying it's "natural." How cowardly. Is it normal to not be able to hold an erection with a REAL woman? What is wrong with you if you have to imagine something up to even go off? It's pathetic. You can no longer please a REAL person. Who is abnormal now? I think it's possible for addicts to change ... but THEY have to want to. Sexaholics Anonymous really does help if they are willing ... but if they are excusing themselves, they deserve to be alone, dying a lonely death as the lecherous monster they have chosen to become.
—Guest Empty Inside

I Have Been Afraid For a Long Time

Pornography used to terrify me, because I didn't feel secure about myself and I distrusted men. I try to be as freaky as I can in the bedroom and now will have sex as much as I can with my husband, especially since he told me that he thought we needed to separate. I was afraid of porn because I didn't understand that it's just a fantasy and religion told me that it was bad and wrong, but now, after growing up, I can see that it can be fun and inspire a really great sex life. I feel that sex is really one of, if not the most, spiritual experience you can have. However, when I was younger, after we had kids, I was tired and not in the mood. I found some porn on our computer and I confronted him in a very gentle way. I just didn't act angry. I asked him if he felt I was desirable and I cried and we hugged and he saw how very hurt I was. Now I know that it has nothing to do with how I look. Now I see that I was jealous and now we are talking about it and sometimes watch sexy movies now.
—Guest anonymous

The Man Who Watched Porn

As the man in the relationship and the one who viewed porn I can tell you there is no going back for me. I have come to my senses but it is to little to late. There is nothing that could replace the love my wife and I shared and completely ruined it for nothing. Ithas opened unrepairablewounds and I can not regain her trust or live. If you watch it be prepared for what is to come. I am completely changed and a much better man then I ever was but I still lost her and that crushed me
—Guest j

Empathy For All Wives

I have been married for 3 years. I am not naïve I know men enjoy porn (as can women) I expected him to use porn but it hurt me & made me feel like he'd cheated in a way. We discussed it & tried to see it from his point of view. I still trust him. I came to the conclusion that it's just a quick route to thinking about sex, it's non person specific, it's masturbation without pressure, this is why it doesn't involve us wives, men can just clear their heads & focus on the act.(of masturbating) They don't have to worry about performing for us. He's my best friend & I adore him. Our sex life is amazing. I am secure in myself. I am liberally minded. I like to please my husband. I like to let him know what I want. I like to try stuff out. I am not doing anything wrong & there's nothing wrong with me. Men using porn is hardwired into them. Talk to them about it, don't be judgemental, be frank & open. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! It actually doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you.
—Guest a wife

Distraught

Ive been married for one year, and with him for two. The entire time we've been together I've worked and paid all the bills while he sat at home on the phone i paid for, watching porn, and talking to girls on dating sites, and sex sites. I found all of the sites and told all of the girls he was talking to how i supported him, and he was married and if they wanted him to come pick him up because i was tired of him and his lies. I even removed his picture in his files with me in sexy nighties and put some rude comments in his info about him. Girls dropped him pretty quickly as i told them i would remember their faces because they lived in my town, and i would go to jail for beating them down. lol. I am not ugly, or overweight, but his choices have ruined my self asteem. I do try to make an effort and i know ive got it going on in the bedroom, he tells me its too much work, its easier to masturbate..... i do my share, when is sex too much work? desperately looking to dump the loser!
—Guest Tina

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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