From the article: Before You End Your Marriage Over Porn
From the number of comments about porn on our blog and on our Marriage Forum, pornography is a deal breaker for many individuals. What about you? If your spouse continued viewing porn after you shared how much pornography hurt you, what would you do? Please share your story.
Share Your Experiences
Confused
- I had a hysterectomy in 2006 and the doctor left a sponge inside of me. When went to retrieve it, he damaged my kidneys and bladder. And caused a vault (don't want to use real terms as they are embarrassing) in my ummm...you know what I mean, I hope. Because of that, we have not been able to have sex. 6 years later, and that part will not change. He tells me all the time, in fact, told me yesterday, that he is ok with it. That he knows it isn't my fault. Today, I find that he is looking at porn. He waits until I am asleep. He did this last night, after telling me what he did earlier in the day. I blame myself. But at the same time, I think now that if there were some miracle cure for my problem, I would never be able to have sex with him again. I have been crying all day. In the past year, he has attempted to force it on me. Apologizing later. Now he doesn't touch me at all. I really don't know what to do. I never thought I would be discussing this. Should I ignore...or speak up?
- —Guest just me
I Did It
- I am now getting divorced because I was watching porn. I have lost the girl that has been my world since High School because I "had to watch it" and then lied and lied when I got caught. Don't be like me. Realize what is really important in life... I will never forgive myself.
- —Guest Regret
Justified
- I have been at a loss for some time over this issue. My husband of 6 years started viewing porn instead of having sex with me while I was pregnant. When I found out I was devistated. He still does it today ( 2 years later ) I feel like this is a deal breaker for me, I want to leave but we have a son. Help??? So glad I found this site
- —Guest CeeBee
Broken Hearted
- Ive been with my partner and best friend since high school. We had our first child at 17 & the second at 21. For many years he would make noises in his sleep and sex with me. But would never remember in the morning. He would say what are you talking about -- we never have sex. "I never denied him". Well.... Found he had massive amounts of email accounts for porn date hook ups, etc. He denied it of course but 3 years later he said he did it because he felt unwanted by me. LIE, or maybe cause he felt my disgust for knowing what he's been up to. He said it's all old and he has never done it again. It was from 3 years ago. But caught him again looking for local sexy girls. Denied! Then said he just likes to look and he thinks it's ok because cousins all do it. Did it again 3 nights ago -- same night we had sex. He lied again. Says he's not physicaly attracted to me, never was. I don't do it for him, loves to look at other women while I sleep next to him. He makes he sick. I'm very pretty. Other men notice me -- why not him?
- —Guest Jenn
Every Man is a Pervert
- My boyfriend of 5 years (also father of my child) who I refuse to call my husband is just a plain ol' pervert just like ever other man on the face of the planet. I've told him I don't like him watching porn so he just got better at hiding it. Then a few days ago he was taking pictures of our daughter on his phone and I wanted to see how the pics looked and I went to the gallery. Lo and behold pics of girls posing in the mirror and images of big bottoms (that's his thing which is funny because I have a small bum). I think if your significant other doesn't want you doing something b/c it hurts them you stop. Thanks to his porn I've begun hitting the gym and eating healthy food and now I'm getting attention from other guys which feels awesome. I no longer feel like I can be intimately attached to any man. I have fallen out of love with my lazy, mean, porn loving husband. I now realize that men are only good for their cash and xxxx (when neccessary).
- —Guest sadpenguin
How
- Me and my husband have 4 month old baby boy. He recently left me. When he came back I find tons of pics of other women on his phone. We have had problems with it before. He knows it's the one thing I can't handle. He is always telling me I'm the only girl he wants and he won't do it again but we have been through this before and it kills me. How could I ever trust him again.
- —Guest each man should have one wife
Fine In Moderation But...
- My husband has been addicted to climaxing to porn throughout our entire relationship (together for 10 years). I made excuses for his behavior while I put my needs to the side and whenever we had sex (1-2 times a year until it stopped altogether) he could not perform. I gave up but the damage is done and it is all his fault. I was obviously not enough for him. I had done everything possible to help him initiate intimacy but all I heard were excuses. I am attractive woman who can still wear a size 2 after delivering three children. Nothing will change with these porn addicted men unless they want to change. Even the threat of divorce didn't stop him. He's now my soon to be ex-husband. I will move on and find someone else who is willing and able to have a normal sex life with a real woman.
- —Guest Jadedlady
Hurt His Only Daughter
- My father has watched porn since before I was born. I remeber when I was 7 and I went on the internet and click some and a pic popped up instead of my game and I was so confused so I called my father in and asked what it was. He said "oh that's nothing pumpkin -- things like that just pop up on the computer. Don't worry. I'll block those bad ads." I believed him and I grew up. I asked my mom why daddy was always on the computer and mad all the time. She looked at me and cried. I didn't understand. She took me to the computer and showed me his history and pictures. I could not believe what I saw. There were so many ... I cried that whole day so confused and not believing my dad would do somthing so, so disgusting! My mother tried to get him to stop but nothing worked. Now every time I see him logged on the computer I check his history to convince myself he changed. I'm now 15 and I've seen his history looking at teenage porn. I'm so ashamed. I have told no one. I feel so alone and am too hurt and ashamed to talk about it. Editor's Note: Please consider talking with your school counselor about your feelings about this.
- —Josie_Swim
My Husband and Porn
- My husband is in chat porn rooms talking to men pretending to be me showing photos of me and he tninks no wrong is being done. Help.
- —Guest Barbara
Why I Watch
- Because my real sex life stinks. I have a selfish partner who as an example "freezes" with a death grip at my most important moment during oral play. She doesn't like me to please her orally so she doesn't feel obligated to recipricate. So called normal sex is almost always the same routine.
- —Guest MG
We Need Help!
- Having read most posts by women I perfectly understand their frustration but I think we need help from cutting off the addiction. When men watch porn its not because they like other women more than you. No... it's just a habit and it's very addictive. It only starts with one image of a naked woman and because it quickly hit our male psyche within seconds an avalanche of more and more quest for new images follows to try to quench that thirst but unfortunately porn does not satisfy you and it becomes a habit. I am a single man, 31 and I have been addicted to porn since I was 21. I have tried to stop it but it's very very hard. Even with counseling it's not easy. It is a force of evil and only prayer can break the chains. It does not only break marriages, it affects some men 's ability to have children or even to get married because a normal woman won't be good enough once you are an addict.
- —Guest Tim
Not Understanding
- My soon to be husband and I have great sex! We always do. But today, I have found on our tv that he is recording hbo porn shows on our tv in the family room!! He has been sleeping on the couch for a couple of months now. I didn't think it was a big deal, I just thought he fell asleep because he was watching tv and got tired. But then I find this? I am absolutely outraged!! This makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. Like I'm not good enough! I don't know how to handle this! It totally breaks my heart that he looks at other women and dreams about other women. About three months ago he started having a problem where he could be hard when we begin but into sex he goes limp and has to play with himself to get hard again. And he has to do this more than once. What is wrong with me? What am I bot doing for him. I don't turn him down. And we explore sex in every aspect. One time he caught me with my vibrator and got pissed!! How is this any different? Advice please!!
- —Guest confusedwife
Regret
- I might have ruined my happiness because of this stuff. I'm feeling so bad and I regret every minute I spend in front of the computer watching this, from being a thing of teenager turned into a subconsciously action. I know I screw up big time. Only if my fiancee would actually see that I'm sorry for that. I came here to ask her for her forgiveness as well. I share this with everyone and say even if your conscious is not there all the time, realize what you are doing, and see it is wrong. I love my fiancee to death and I hope she can forgive me for this.
- —Guest Jorge
Hurt My Wife
- My wife has caught me twice looking at porn. I have hurt her so bad and I am going to get help for my addiction. That is what this is -- an addiction! Both times when I was caught I lied about it and this I deeply regret. I am in the military and I am gone a lot but this is no excuse for the disgust I have brought into my family. I have made it where she doesn't even want to have sex with me because I made her feel unloved. It is difficult to think that my wife may never get over it. After she found out she called my mother and that is when I found out that this is the reason her and my dad got divorced. I have two beautiful kids and a beautiful wife. I am telling you this because I have learned the hard way that this is an addiction and if your husband or wife won't admit to that then he or she needs to fix themselves. There is nothing wrong with my wife except for the fact that she is with somebody who would do something like this to her. I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix it.
- —Guest Selfish
Trauma Again and Again and Again
- The worst is going out with a guy who knew I was traumatised, understanding my attitude about men ..... to find he was doing porn all this time. I learnt to trust him. I found out there is a site that says it leads to sexual dysfunction, it has four videos and likens it to a dopamine high in the brain. It will cause them problems in the end and their penis will become de-sensitized unless they stop porn and masturbation. My boyfriend is trying to stop but I go into tears everyday. They need to know it also affects how we handle our kids and everything else. I am really debilitated from it. He says he hates it and its a waste of time but ......... He doesn't do it as much as my ex, in fact has only done it a few times .... says it's fantasy and that he masturbates to me .... then says how someone else drifted into his mind. That sucks!
- —Guest Guest
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