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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 154

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From the number of comments about porn on our blog and on our Marriage Forum, pornography is a deal breaker for many individuals. What about you? If your spouse continued viewing porn after you shared how much pornography hurt you, what would you do? Please share your story. Share Your Experiences

Knightbear

We have been together for 16 years...he was my night and shining amour. 4 years ago he told me a terrible lie about money that I found out about accidentally and lied straight to my face. I asked him to get help then, but he always had an excuse . My trust wash shattered. Fast forward years I still have no trust and question everything. I happened to look at his phone and found so much porn...pics, movies...Of course denial. I look at his pc and found so much porn and dating sights on his web browser. Still denied even with proof in front of him..."I didn't download, I didn't go into any dating site." I can't function, I am consumed with distrust constantly questioning everything. Always has an excuse - he said he is going to counselor, but it has materialized. I am so sick - my life, our marriage will never be the same. I am so sick and scared of my future. At least I am a medical professional and can take care of myself, but I will never be the same.
—Guest carla

I Want to Say Something to Women

My name is Heather Hill, I am an author and I have written a novel, based on the experiences of partners of porn addiction. It is a comedy novel, but addresses this very subject in a serious and intelligent manner. 'The New Mrs D' tackles the difficult, mostly unspoken about subject of porn addiction in a work of comedy fiction. Don't be misled into believing that my book seeks to make fun of the subject of porn addiction in relationships. In fact, its purpose is far removed from that. My reason for writing it was to bring the issue to the foreground and help women who are living in a relationship which is challenging their sense of self worth. If you are struggling with this issue - as I have myself in the past - this book might really help you, which is why I am leaving this information here. I'd like to reach those that need it most. I hope you will look it up.
—hell4heather

Up Hill Battle

I have been with my mate for 13 years, living together 6. From the time we started having sex, ED was present. We were in our 30's and I couldn't understand why. Over the years we had to plan our sex around Cialis & he said it was a medical issue. I believed him until I learned of Porn rel. ED. Many conversations only led to more intense porn use & soon I find the content getting more extreme. He says he's quit but I find out different. Our sex needed to be more extreme for him to keep erect even with meds. I then discover he was posting ads for Extreme sex with strangers. Private emails, chats, meetings, & actual cheating. Always an excuse & usually making it my fault. That is a true addict! & the lies get better each time. I don't think they realize the depth of what that does to the psyc of a woman. It now has made me not at all interested in the fun, kinky things I was always eager to do with him, nor do I want him to see me naked. So many emotions & so hard to trust or heal.
—dndaws

I Don't Understand

I dated my husband a yr and a half and married 7mths. He's 28 and I'm 20. I knew he watched porn and I agreed to watch at first, we still hadn't had sex because I was a virgin and wanted to take it slow. After awhile I told him I didn't want him to watch him anymore and he stopped once we started having sex.I have enjoyed having sex minimum twice a day for a yr and 4mths now. Doing whatever or whenever he wanted. Buying cute little uniforms, etc. I'm not perfect looking but im young, passionate, and I admit I still turn the usual head around in the street. For 7mths I have felt worse and worse about myself. He tries to hide that he watches porn and I show him and he still denies it. He says its not about the women. What is it? The dialogue? I try to work it out with him. Asking what I can do, if there's anything bothering him, etc. Once do talk he stops watching for a few weeks and then goes back at it. I just feel like I've done everything I can. From reasoning with him to blaming my
—Guest Stephanie

Found Porn in His Browser History

found porn again in his browser history on his cell phone. I was out of town and late at night he was looking at these porn videos. I went through this last yera, m we switched cell carriers, he got a new # after he said he was being set up & hacked. I also saw history that he was looking at installing a dating app for zoosk on his phone...as well as chat rooms he looks at. i asked him 2 weeks ago if he did the stuff i found then and of course he didnt! now there is so much more i found. He did this to me last year and swears he was framed ...but he was involved in a secret texting session with a former friend of our daughters who was 21 ..they texted 200 plus times a day and it was innocent! she was in texas and we are in different state. I am sick to my stomach with stress. he is lying to me again and again. how do i catch him and prove its him.
—hulat68

Feel Betrayed

My husband of over 1yr together 5 has been looking at pornography every day for the past month. I have told him how it hurt me when I found it and how it made me feel. We had this talk in the first year of our relationship on my feelings and he told me he wouldnt use it and all he needed was me. LIE I told him a week ago how I felt and still everyday its still been on his phone so that tells me he doesnt care about my feelings. Should I leave? I cant even look at him anymore without wanting to break down and bawl my eyes out I have even been so sick to my stomach for days?
—breyma

Angry and Hurt

my parner has been spending more time on his laptop and phone, he even takes them on the loo with him. i checked his history on his tablet and he wasnt looking at porn but philipino dating website plus others with naked or nearly naked women on it at least 4 times a week. i confronted him as he has known since i met him i wont put up with that stuff he was like a rabbit caught in the headlights. then denied it then said he'd caught the button by mistake i said what about 30 times! i said show me you phone then and lets see what youve been looking at on there. he has it in his pocket and has hid it since and took it everywhere with him. id say guilty god nos whats on there. ive been with him 20 years, am 11 years younger, for the last 10 years he has had sexual performance problems on his side, and not been able to ejaculate during sex for the 3 years. this last year or more we havent had sex. hes no interest or so i thort the creep!
—Guest mug

Lies and Porn

My husband and I have been married for four years. We had a rule about watching porn together. He agreed. I trusted him. Recently I found out he has been watching porn on a weekly basis and our sex life has been going down the tubes. He would blame it on me whenever he can. When we first dated I was not ok with porn, but I became flexible and made a compromise. To have him break our compromise and lie is hurtful and deceitful. Before I had evidence of his porn habits, he would flat out lie saying I was crazy and hurting his feelings! Imagine how deceived I feel right now , but least I know I am not crazy. Imagine what else he could be lying about straight to my face? My heart is so broken and I feel disgusted
—Guest Exhausted

Sexually Attracted to Other Women

I been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years now. I discovered that he liked to look at porn, video models, big booty, latinas online. I confronted him and told him to stop. I discovered this by looking at his cell phone. He said he would. I caught him a second time. He woke me up in the middle of the morning to have sex. After we took a shower I looked at his phone and saw what he was viewing. I figured I didn't turn him on, looking at those women did and he used me for that purpose. I confronted him and he lied. I asked him later if he was still doing that and he said no that if I accused him or an "innocent man" that that would drive him to do it. I left it alone. Caught him again, again he said he would stop. I just caught him a fourth time. The day after he claimed he had a rug burn from our last sex session and it hurt and we couldn't do it. His excuse this time was I had an attitude the night before about sex and I made him not feel man enough & thats why he did it. BS! I'm done.
—Guest Jael

Scary Times

This needs to stop. Somethings got to give. Our world is hurting from this, women are crying. Men are shut away, sitting on toilets with their smartphones in hand, imagining screwing other vaginas they stare at while jacking off. It's insane! Now everyone can access it with a phone?? Who would have forseen such degradation 20 years ago ... imagine our great grandmothers having to deal with this. Their hearts break for us. No one need tolerate such blatent selfish disrespect. Talk to him. Put filters on everything for the purity and clean living you both deserve, including children. If he is lying and it continues, leave. There are plenty of men that arent regularly doing that and will treasure a live woman like the jewel she is! Life is short. Don't put you and your heart last. Put it first. You all deserve oh so much more. YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Please never lose sight of that.
—Guest Still Here

Young Family Broken

My husband is 33 years old and has sex with me often. Over the course of our 8 year relationship the issues of porn have been brought up talked about and I have expressed how aweful it makes me feel. he never stopped he continued .. he lied and he masturbated to porn while he was supposed to be watching our new 7 month old daughter. The second I leave the house hos first imstinct is to masturbate to porn. I know he is thinking of those women when he is with me. While they are gorgeous creatures I look nothing like them. It is more than obvious that he likes what I do for him as far as taking care of him and giving him a family. But I am not what he wants sexually. I am just a wet hole he settles for at the end of the day. My 6 year old and her baby sister will ultimately suffer the most as their family is headed for divorce. I asked my 6 year old if she thought her daddy loved me and she said not really. We are headed for divorce as soon as possible. I cry on a daily basis.
—Guest Sad Wife

To the Stupid Men Out There

To the husbands out there: What if, for every site you looked at porn on, you had to post a naked picture of your wife for other men to enjoy? What's the difference? You're enjoying other women sexually, why can't other men enjoy your woman sexually? Make you sick to your stomach? How do you think we feel? We don't want to share you any more than you want to share us. It hurts us to see that you're sharing that most intimate part of yourself with someone other than your wife. We feel self conscious, ugly, and hurt. I don't go out to strip clubs. I don't take pictures of my butt and boobs for other men. Why is it that you feel the need to look at pictures of other women showing way more than you would ever want me to show to anyone else? You're a consumer of a product, and if you're uncomfortable with your wife being the product, you're doing something wrong.
—Guest Stupid men

It Hurts My Feelings

I am incredibly frustrated. I keep finding my stupid husband's porn on the history of our computer. This was an issue before we got married. I found stuff open on the computer the day I bought us a house, having expected celebratory sex in our new empty place. I also found stuff involving pregnancy the day after a conversation about us not having a kid for until at least 5 years after marriage. I also found a picture of an ex-girlfriend's vag open on our computer, which he claimed was there because he was erasing everything that might make me uncomfortable from his old phone. We have an awesome sex life, but it's not nearly active enough for me, and I can always tell when he's watched porn that day, which is a huge turn off for me. We've talked about it before, and I feel very self-conscious and hurt every time I find it on the computer, but he won't stop, or at least keep it to just his phone. I'm worried it will lead to him cheating on me. I already feel cheated on. What do I do?
—Guest Just Married

Is His Porn Use MY Fault?

I feel like my 35 year marriage is over. My recent discovery of my husband's porn use during our marriage (even though I begged him years ago to stop) and the countless lies he has told - is all my fault. I adored him, I always tried to be a sexual siren for him, kept my figure and made him feel like a stud even though he had ED. His only excuse for lying about his porn use for so long, was that he 'just wanted to look at all those young, gorgeous naked girls'. He stopped finally after being caught - so I do not feel he was a porn addict - so I need to know if it is the wife 'not being able to turn back the hands of time' enough justification for his years of lying to me about his growing secret internet porn use. Editor's Note: Of course, his use of porn or decision to lie to you is not your fault.
—Guest Phea

Webcam and Porn Chat

I think I have gotten past the videos and pictures and the whole bad acting movies..but the live webcams and web chat to me is just a form of legal prostitution.. I just cannot compete or even try to anymore.. even when we have sex which as of lately isn't often.. I find myself crying when it's over.. I've tried the whole talking thing and it works temporarily but he just must find these cam girls more interesting.. as long as he's paying.. they will give all the attention he wants.. so I guess I become one unsatified customer!
—Guest beyond caring

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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