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Readers Respond: Your Advice for Teens Who Want to Get Married

Responses: 155

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How Can I Help My Friend?

When I visited a close friend of mine that I had not seen in a while, she confided in me about her relationship with her boyfriend. She is 16 and a freshman in high school, and he is a 17 year old senior. They started dating a little over a year ago, and lost their virginity to one another. When her single mother found out, she refused to let them see each other. My friend has had some difficulty in her relationship with her mother recently for several reasons, and feels that her love life is none of her mother's business. A month ago she got back together with her boyfriend but still had not seen him in four months. Then, while I was visiting her he showed up outside of her window, with a note asking her to run away to be with him. She said she would think about it, and then later that weekend they got engaged. Her mother is unaware that they have even seen each other. I am worried about my friend and the choices she is making, but I don't know how to best help in this situation. Editor's Note: Your concern for your friend is certainly understandable. Perhaps recommending that she talk with a school counselor about her relationship with her mother and her boyfriend. Also, talk about her plans for the future. Does she want to go to college? What about her boyfriend's college or career plans? Do they understand that they are both too young to get married? Pointing out some realities may help her make a better decision than to run away with this boy. This article may be helpful. http://marriage.about.com/od/teenmarriage/bb/teenbasics.htm
—Guest concerned

Should I Say Something?

My boyfriend is 10 months younger than me. Right now, I'm 16 and he's 15. I feel like he's the one. So many signs point to it and before we became an item, I used to be skeptical of guys and didn't believe in true love in high school. Our parents are friends, having known each other before we were dating, and they value education like I do. I do want to be his wife and we talk about our future and marriage a lot. We know we will still go to college. He can go to any college and I still have my sights set on Rice. He wants to get married on my 18th birthday. There are complications: 1) He'd be 17 2) He would be in HS and I would be in college 3) We would be separated by geography for that year 4) Our parents probably wouldn't agree to a young marriage. I want to get married at 20 to give him time in college to see if this was still what he wanted and to be near the end of school, and to save for a wedding, but he wants to marry at 18 (I'd be 19) at the latest. Should I say something? Editor's Note: Yes. You should share your thoughts and concerns with him. Communication is a major key to a successful marriage.
—Guest TheFutureMrs

Help

Hi I am about to be 18 11/1/13 and my fiance will be 16 12/1/13 and we want to get married in in 2014. I have two jobs and he has one and a he ius a junior in high school mind that I already have graduated. Both of our parents are fine with us dating would the sate of California allow us to get married? And if so, would is be a good idea....Oh and we have been together 3/5/13. Editor's Note: First off, I don't think the two of you getting married at such a young age is a good idea. Second, in California you could get married but if either of you is under 18, at least one of the minor’s parents, or legal guardian, must appear with the couple. Certified copies of birth certificates are required. The couple must also schedule an appointment with a counselor and then appear before a California superior court judge. http://marriage.about.com/od/teenmarriage/bb/teenbasics.htm Please take your time making such a major decision.
—Guest Guest Beccah

How Do I Tell Them?

Hello, I am in great need of advice. I am 17 and have been thinking of asking my boyfriend who is also 17 to marry me for the past 3 months. I do not plan to actually get married until both of us has finished high school and completed at least some college, so that we both have a good footing of what adult life is. I love him, in fact he is the only person I trust completely. Both of us as a couple have talked about the options as well, so I know this is not one sided. To me this is not just a thought of fancy but something I have thought long and hard about. I have talked to my Grandmother about it and have heard her opinion on in (She fully supports me, and just celebrated her 44th anniversary to someone she married at 18). I know it wont be all sunshine and rainbows, in fact that's not what I am looking for. He has made me the happiest I have ever been and I want to stick with him. Now comes the tricky part. Like I said earlier I am 17 and so is he. But, what I forgot to mention is Editor's Note: It appears your post was cut off. Please post again.
—Guest April

Help!!

Hey. I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 17 , we are dating almost 11 months. my family knows about him but he does want to tell his because his the only child, we want to get marrired so badly but there's too much things in the way. Editor's Note: There are many, many things in the way of the two of you getting married. Please, please don't rush into marriage. Both of you need to finish high school and get some college education too so that you are in a place to be more financially sound when you do get married.
—Guest just want to be with him

Whats Wrong With It?

My boyfriend is 19 and I am 18. We have been together for a little over a year and a half. I am a senior in high school and he is in his last year of tech school. We are major in love and we have discussed the challenges and responsibilities that come with marriage. We both have a small income but could get more efficient jobs. I want to get married now (or at least when i graduate this May), but he doesn't feel that it would be good for our relationship. I respect his decision. I was wondering if there is anything wrong with getting engaged now, and waiting to get married until we're more ready. Getting engaged, I feel, is a big step in a relationship and I feel like we're ready and I want to take this step. I spoke to him about it once but it wasn't brought up again. Any help? What do I do? :) Editor's Note: You've let him know you want a ring on your finger, but he hasn't responded. Perhaps he is saving for an engagement ring to surprise you or perhaps he doesn't want to get engaged. This is something you two do need to talk about again.
—Guest Mikhayla

Advice?

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20. We want to get married soon and start a family, we are both saving money so we can have our apartment first and everything. But my parents are religious and they wont let me marry! They want me to marry by church and all those things. I dont know how to break that bond or whatever with my parents so they can understand i think differently? If i talk to them they will get mad and yell at me. I don`t know what to do. Editor's Note: In most locales, you are of legal age to marry without your parents' permission. If you are really ready to get married, you would be able to stand on your own two feet both emotionally and financially, and would be able to set boundaries with your parents without damaging your relationship with them. This article may be helpful to you: http://marriage.about.com/od/familyconcerns/a/paradisapproval.htm
—Guest Mayra

Please Help Me - Don't Know What to Do?

I'm about to turn 19 and my fiance is 20. We both go to school and he has a job and we are planning to get married in April but, my parents are against it because we're young. We've been together for 3 years now. I don't want to disappoint my parents. His parents in the other hand are very supportive and have been helping with wedding stuff but my parents haven't. Planning to move in with him but don't know how to tell my parents. Any advice please? Editor's Note: I'm sorry to hear that your parents are not being supportive. Your parents' religious beliefs and culture could be one of the reasons they are against your marriage. But considering you both are of legal age in most countries, it may be time for you to cut the apron strings to your parents. This article may be helpful. http://marriage.about.com/od/familyconcerns/a/paradisapproval.htm
—Guest Teen Marriage

An Opportunity to Tell Your Story

Hi all, I'm writing here on behalf of The Civilians, a theater company in New York City. We do shows based on interviews and stories from all over the United States that take in every possible viewpoint on a subject, and our next show is about marriage in all its forms. The thoughts expressed here about teen marriage are incredibly interesting and insightful, and I would love to invite anyone who comes across this page and has their own story to tell to consider sharing it with our company - we have a history and reputation of treating people's stories with the utmost respect, and bringing them to life for our audiences. If anyone is interested in possibly speaking about their experience (even if you aren't sure, we can talk more about what that would entail), please email me at deepalikgupta@gmail.com - for more information on The Civilians, go to http://thecivilians.org! Many thanks, Deepali Gupta
—Guest Deepali Gupta

Help?

I'm Ella me and my boyfriend are thinking about marriage not till OCT of 2014 when he will be 17 and I will be 16 we will have been together 1 year as of October 31,2013. We had sex as of march 16, 5 months into the relationship after that it made us feel more connected to each other it topped it off it was very special even though it was not my 1st time and it was his it still felt more special than all the times before! I love him more than anyone before and we are trying to now include God in our relationship and pray about this marriage and I just need more info and were reading about it and such and he's very mature about finances,education,businesses,etc so were thinking about that! And were not sure how to bring it up to our parents and we are looking to talk to our youth pastor or a also successful young married couple if anyone could help us that would be great! Tbh I couldn't imagine not having him we've argued and made mistakes but I love him. Editor's Note: I truly hope that by October 2014, the two of you realize you need to focus on other things, such as your education, prior to getting married and raising a family. Best of luck to you both. SS
—Guest Ella~

Marrying My Pregnant GF

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 18. We've been together for 3 years now and she is 8 months pregnant as we speak. We love each other so much and I can't imagine my life without her. We're happy together and our relationship has been strong since we met. I want to marry her, but I'm scared we might regret it over the years (like most married teens do). I really love this girl and I don't know what to do. I just don't wanna make her life difficult by committing myself to her while she hasn't really explored a lot. But on the other hand we both want to get married and live happily together as a family. Editor's Note: You are both of legal age to marry in most states in the U.S. and in many countries. I suggest you seek premarital counseling to help put aside some of your concerns.
—Guest Kevin

Advice

Am 16 turning 17 in 3 weeks and his 23 .. am currently 7 months pregnant we been together for 3 years and we want to get married ASAP so when I have my baby ill be able to live with him. We were living together for a while but social worker said I had to go back home. she told me the only way we can live together is getting married or emancipation. My parents agree with us getting married. he can finacionally support me. We live in CA. Editor's Note: I'm surprised that with the age difference when you were 13 and he was 20, that he didn't end up in jail. You will probably need to see a counselor and then appear before a California superior court judge before you can get married.
—Guest Love

Love

Hi. .i m 18 and my bf is 21. we love each other lot. his parents permitted us. but my parents forcefuly make me to marry some other guy. but i didnt wnt. so i decided to marry my bf within 1 week. its either socialy or legaly. is it posible? plz help Editor's note: Since I don't know what country you live in, it is hard to give you resources to check out about the possibility of you marrying your boyfriend. In the U.S., you are of legal age to do so.
—Guest Piya

Doubt

hi im 20 years old and my lover is 19 years old what will happen to me if i marry her at this age. we love each other since 3years will there be any legal problems to me??????? Editor's Note: It depends where you live, but generally, at your ages, you are of legal age to get married in most countries. If your country has a higher age limit for marriage, please get legal advice before you get married.
—Guest rahul

Help

Can you help I been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years I am 18 and she will be 16 can we get married in the state if California and on top of that her parents don't approve of me what so you think I should do. Editor's Note: Although you are of legal age to get married, your girl friend isn't and won't be for another two years. Trying to get married while she is a minor will require her parent's permission and a meeting with a counselor and then appearing before a California superior court judge. I recommend that you two wait and use those two years to continue your education and to show her parents that you are a responsible person.
—Guest qwats

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