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Readers Respond: Your Advice for Teens Who Want to Get Married

Responses: 148

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From the article: Teen Marriage
Teens who want to get married often look for advice on how to get around the laws so they can get married. What advice do you think these teens need to hear about teen marriage? Share Your Tips & Advice

Tired, and Anxious

Me and my boyfriend been dating for 6 months. We been planning our future out perfectly. Every step in detail. I'm 15 bout turn 16 in July. And he is 17. I love him and I know for sure our future is set. But we don't get any space. Someone's always in our relationship. Btw I must add we have a son. And I wanna get married that way we can say we are old enough and mature. But I feel as though no one understands my reason to get married. Can I get some advice. Editor's Note: I do understand your reason to want to get married, but I hope you will try to understand why others think you both need to wait until you are of legal age and you have finished more of your education. Depending on where you live, even if you could get parental approval, the state laws may prohibit someone your age getting married. Additionally, life can throw roadblocks into perfect, detailed plans.
—Guest teen marriage

I Know What I Want!

Hello. I am fourteen. I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Every day, him and I both, dream of being married and together forever. We know what we want. And I am tired of people saying "it's too young; it's just your hormones; just wait; get your education first..." and other things. His parents adore me, and cannot wait for us to be married with children! (!!I WILL ABSOLUTLEY WAIT FOR CHILDREN!!) But on the other hand, my mom says "No way, not now" I just wish I could do whatever I wanted or just make years go by faster so I could have him as my amazing husband! Editor's Note: Even if your mom would say yes to letting you get married, the state laws where you live would probably prevent your marriage. I'd like you to let me know in a year or so if getting married is still what you want.
—Guest Jeanette

Wondering

Ill be 18 in a week and a half and my fiancé is already 18. We plan to get married on her 19th birthday in October. I was wondering when we would have to apply for a marriage license in Pa.were not having a big wedding but we want to get married in front of a judge and only have 2 or 3 friends with us. Can you tell me when we would have to apply for a marriage license and what type of wedding that would be where its me and her and a judge. Editor's Note: You have to apply for the marriage license in the state where you want to be married. Some states have a 3-day waiting period, some have none. When a wedding is performed by a judge, or county clerk, or someone other than a religious ordained individual, it is called a civil ceremony.
—Guest Seth Carper

Marriage

I'm 18 and have been dating my girlfriend who is 16 for 3 years , we've had some hard times and took a break for a while, I know her for about 10 years now. And we are thinking about getting married sometime in July. She loves me like no other and I love her as well. Is it to young for marrige, who knows maybe it would work out? Editor's Note: I think 16 is way too young to get married. You both need to get a college education before considering getting married. Additionally, you would need her parent's approval for a wedding at her age.
—Guest Mr. Cash

Reassure Me

My boyfriend and I are both 18, he turns 19 in 4 days, I turn 19 in 5 months and 9 days. We've been together for 14 months and have known each other for 4 years. We've known for months now that we found the one we'll marry one day. We planned on getting engaged after our 2 year anniversary and married after he graduated with his bachelor's, but special circumstances came up. I'm not pregnant. I just can't afford to go to college because of my parents' finances, and their finances will affect me until I am 26. He mentioned the idea of getting married quietly, a courthouse marriage, so that my parents' finances are off of my financial aid application, and have a "real" wedding later, when we can afford to. We would only tell parents and grandparents for the time being. We love each other more than anything and know we are meant to be together. I just need reassurance, because I'm scared of what our parents will say about our idea. He's the love of my life.... Editor's Note: I don't understand having a semi-secret marriage. If you are going to tell your parents and grandparents, then why not tell your friends too. Your wedding -- whether it is fancy or not -- is your "real" wedding. I hope you let those who care about you celebrate with you. We've been to some wonderful weddings that were held outside on the beach or in a pretty backyard and the food was potluck!
—Guest Daniella

This is Love

So im 16 & my boyfriend of 10 months is 20 , my parents recently found out i was sextually active which was so extreme, my parents were super angry but they talked to my boyfriend & my dad wants us to marry each other in about 2 months because he's scared my boyfriend will leave me , is that crazy? isn't it weird since im barely 16? I love him to death though. Editor's Note: Yes, that's crazy. Please don't get married so young.
—Guest Daisy

Advice

im 16 and my boyfriend is 26 ....I absolutely love him he told me he is going to marry me and that all he wants is me in his life .. he told me that he's gonna wait 2 years for me !!!!!! I know all about he can go to jail and too be worried about school and what I wanna do in life before making a big decision I KNOW I KNOW I DONT WANT TO HEAR NEGATIVE comments I ALREADY know we didn't have sex and we are not because that can get him in trouble I know we have a 10 year difference ....just gimme sum ADVICE: Editor's Note: Why is a 26 year old wanting to date a 16 year old? Aren't there any women his age in his social circles. What you've heard from others is what you will hear from me. Please wait until you get some college under your belt. You may find there is a world out there that your relationship with your older boyfriend keeps you from.
—Guest nene

Help

im 14 allmost 14 and my bf is allmost 18 @ he wanted to have sex yesterday so i had to come up with an excuse lol i love him alot but i dont wann get us in troble because of sex we have been together for Allmost a year. Editor's Note: I hope, Katie, for both of your sakes, that you continue to say no to sex with your bf. The difference in your ages could put him in legal jeopardy.
—Guest katie

How Can I Help My Friend?

When I visited a close friend of mine that I had not seen in a while, she confided in me about her relationship with her boyfriend. She is 16 and a freshman in high school, and he is a 17 year old senior. They started dating a little over a year ago, and lost their virginity to one another. When her single mother found out, she refused to let them see each other. My friend has had some difficulty in her relationship with her mother recently for several reasons, and feels that her love life is none of her mother's business. A month ago she got back together with her boyfriend but still had not seen him in four months. Then, while I was visiting her he showed up outside of her window, with a note asking her to run away to be with him. She said she would think about it, and then later that weekend they got engaged. Her mother is unaware that they have even seen each other. I am worried about my friend and the choices she is making, but I don't know how to best help in this situation. Editor's Note: Your concern for your friend is certainly understandable. Perhaps recommending that she talk with a school counselor about her relationship with her mother and her boyfriend. Also, talk about her plans for the future. Does she want to go to college? What about her boyfriend's college or career plans? Do they understand that they are both too young to get married? Pointing out some realities may help her make a better decision than to run away with this boy. This article may be helpful. http://marriage.about.com/od/teenmarriage/bb/teenbasics.htm
—Guest concerned

Should I Say Something?

My boyfriend is 10 months younger than me. Right now, I'm 16 and he's 15. I feel like he's the one. So many signs point to it and before we became an item, I used to be skeptical of guys and didn't believe in true love in high school. Our parents are friends, having known each other before we were dating, and they value education like I do. I do want to be his wife and we talk about our future and marriage a lot. We know we will still go to college. He can go to any college and I still have my sights set on Rice. He wants to get married on my 18th birthday. There are complications: 1) He'd be 17 2) He would be in HS and I would be in college 3) We would be separated by geography for that year 4) Our parents probably wouldn't agree to a young marriage. I want to get married at 20 to give him time in college to see if this was still what he wanted and to be near the end of school, and to save for a wedding, but he wants to marry at 18 (I'd be 19) at the latest. Should I say something? Editor's Note: Yes. You should share your thoughts and concerns with him. Communication is a major key to a successful marriage.
—Guest TheFutureMrs

Help

Hi I am about to be 18 11/1/13 and my fiance will be 16 12/1/13 and we want to get married in in 2014. I have two jobs and he has one and a he ius a junior in high school mind that I already have graduated. Both of our parents are fine with us dating would the sate of California allow us to get married? And if so, would is be a good idea....Oh and we have been together 3/5/13. Editor's Note: First off, I don't think the two of you getting married at such a young age is a good idea. Second, in California you could get married but if either of you is under 18, at least one of the minor’s parents, or legal guardian, must appear with the couple. Certified copies of birth certificates are required. The couple must also schedule an appointment with a counselor and then appear before a California superior court judge. http://marriage.about.com/od/teenmarriage/bb/teenbasics.htm Please take your time making such a major decision.
—Guest Guest Beccah

How Do I Tell Them?

Hello, I am in great need of advice. I am 17 and have been thinking of asking my boyfriend who is also 17 to marry me for the past 3 months. I do not plan to actually get married until both of us has finished high school and completed at least some college, so that we both have a good footing of what adult life is. I love him, in fact he is the only person I trust completely. Both of us as a couple have talked about the options as well, so I know this is not one sided. To me this is not just a thought of fancy but something I have thought long and hard about. I have talked to my Grandmother about it and have heard her opinion on in (She fully supports me, and just celebrated her 44th anniversary to someone she married at 18). I know it wont be all sunshine and rainbows, in fact that's not what I am looking for. He has made me the happiest I have ever been and I want to stick with him. Now comes the tricky part. Like I said earlier I am 17 and so is he. But, what I forgot to mention is Editor's Note: It appears your post was cut off. Please post again.
—Guest April

Help!!

Hey. I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 17 , we are dating almost 11 months. my family knows about him but he does want to tell his because his the only child, we want to get marrired so badly but there's too much things in the way. Editor's Note: There are many, many things in the way of the two of you getting married. Please, please don't rush into marriage. Both of you need to finish high school and get some college education too so that you are in a place to be more financially sound when you do get married.
—Guest just want to be with him

Whats Wrong With It?

My boyfriend is 19 and I am 18. We have been together for a little over a year and a half. I am a senior in high school and he is in his last year of tech school. We are major in love and we have discussed the challenges and responsibilities that come with marriage. We both have a small income but could get more efficient jobs. I want to get married now (or at least when i graduate this May), but he doesn't feel that it would be good for our relationship. I respect his decision. I was wondering if there is anything wrong with getting engaged now, and waiting to get married until we're more ready. Getting engaged, I feel, is a big step in a relationship and I feel like we're ready and I want to take this step. I spoke to him about it once but it wasn't brought up again. Any help? What do I do? :) Editor's Note: You've let him know you want a ring on your finger, but he hasn't responded. Perhaps he is saving for an engagement ring to surprise you or perhaps he doesn't want to get engaged. This is something you two do need to talk about again.
—Guest Mikhayla

Advice?

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20. We want to get married soon and start a family, we are both saving money so we can have our apartment first and everything. But my parents are religious and they wont let me marry! They want me to marry by church and all those things. I dont know how to break that bond or whatever with my parents so they can understand i think differently? If i talk to them they will get mad and yell at me. I don`t know what to do. Editor's Note: In most locales, you are of legal age to marry without your parents' permission. If you are really ready to get married, you would be able to stand on your own two feet both emotionally and financially, and would be able to set boundaries with your parents without damaging your relationship with them. This article may be helpful to you: http://marriage.about.com/od/familyconcerns/a/paradisapproval.htm
—Guest Mayra

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