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Readers Respond: Reasons to Snoop

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From the article: Spying on Your Spouse
Do you snoop on your spouse? If so, how do you justify spying on your spouse. If not, share why you think spying is wrong in your marriage. Tell us what you think. Share Your Thoughts

Dump the Lying Sneaking Cheater

Dump them before its too late, they don't change, You deserve better and there are better partners and people out there, believe!
—Guest Guardian Angel

Conviction

Seeing all this has just convicted me a lot as a person ... i have been snooping around a lot yet my partner doesnt show signs of cheating or anything. I guess i just need to trust him more
—Guest dw

Mistrust

I always spy on my husband phone since he cheated 3 times and I found he was on date sites, mail order brides site, porn sites etc. Is that wrong? Editor's Note: If your husband has cheated 3 times and continues to surf the sites you listed, why are you staying married to him?
—Guest dana m

Trusting or Naive

I flip back and forth between believing in trust and despising the idea of snooping and then suddenly becoming obsessed with finding the TRUTH. My wife says she loves me. But she has always been a subtle flirt. Looking too long at the waiter and so on. A long period with no sex, no hugs or kisses led me to suspect something. I just confronted her with my feelings and asked her if she was cheating on me. I even said I thought it was the neighbour. She laughed at my suspicion and denied it. But she became no more loving than before. Maybe it's just normal with busy days and kids. Her family is not so huggy, like mine was. I have snooped a bit on her facebook, but have found nothing. She is friendly with the neighbor when we are together. He can really make her laugh in a way that I never can. She just seems happy when she is in company with him. She always gives him a long hug goodbye. They connect and have long eye contact when we are together. Should I snoop? Editor's Note: I don't recommend snooping. I do recommend marriage counseling. If your wife isn't interested attending or in making your marriage more intimate and stronger, then you need to decide if you want to stay married to her.
—Guest gregory

Am About To

I've been with my boyfriend for a few months, and it is a serious relationship. However, it's long distance. He hasn't given me any real reason to doubt him, but I feel I need to check up on him at least one time just to be sure. You can never be too careful. I want to commit myself to this person, and for this reason, I need to know I can trust him. He's actually checked my messages, email, fb before with the same intention. I feel a little sick and guilty for planning it, and perhaps a little scared, that it might become an addiction, or that I will read too much into something, or that it will spark unnecessary jealousy. Anyway I want to make sure he's honest with me and even though it's making me anxious, I am going to do it.
—Guest me

Yeah - Spy Away

I'm currently in a relationship, which frankly from my perspective has no trust. well at least not from me and with dam good reason. Every opoortunity I have given to reconciliation has ended up backfiring on me, sure its great for the first few weeks, I get I love you sooo much I dont know what I was thinking, blah blah blah, the list of excuses goes on and on. Then it starts all over again, the sex dies off, the porn starts up, we walk down the street and the obvious flirting in front of me starts, then the neglect starts, all of a sudden Im just not quite good enough again, the "omissions" start (Some of us Call omitting information as lies you know) about what they have been doing during the day, text messages get deleted from the cell, I text at different times, sometimes I get a response more often when I get home I get told oh yeah sorry I was busy didnt hear the cell, WTF! So yeah I spy and so should you too - I love the way they blame you when you finally tell him you Know!
—Guest fapulous

Shocked to Death

I found out that my husband cheats on me , just months after our marriage, with his old girl friend, they slept together several times , I don't know what to do or how to behave , he always gives me the feeling that I am the only one in his life and how much he loves his family, but finding out his affairs and relation shocked me to death and lost trust in him , so a moment I wished I wouldn't have found out and lived with his lies happily instead of knowing the truth and live in misery , I don't know what to do ?
—Guest Natalie

Tired and Annoyed

I feel like ever since we got married my husband snoop on my phone everyday. He knows every message I have. I let him look at my phone anytime he wanted to and I usually leave the phone laying anywhere. I never log out on face book when I’m at work so therefore he can see everything what’s on my page. Occasionally an old closed guy friend of mine that I know before he even come along with my life will texted me and called me occasionally to see how doing were. But my husband doesn’t like me talking or texting him back. Therefore I stop communicating with this guy just to avoid the conflict on our marriage. I work 10 hrs or more a day, 6 days a week, goes to school full time, and taking care of my 6 and 3 yrs old daughter when I come home. My husband stayed home and collects temporary disability and helps watch our 3 yrs old daughter. My life evolved at work, school and home. Occasionally after work I stop by at the store for an hr or two to do my shopping. I have not cheated ever in o
—Guest Precious

Cheater

I don't think its wrong when you find out your husband is cheating on you with a 24 year old that's only looking for a sugar daddy and men don't think with there heads on there shoulders they think with the other head.
—Guest cheaters anoninos

Checking Up

I am always checking my husbands computer, facebook and email he is very secretive I am not allowed to answer the phone use his computers or ask questions about what time will you be home .. I have found many chat logs where he has arranged to meet different women and also found naked photos of him with a woman on a cloud picture account that is ours I know he is cheating but he looks at me and lies. I need to find the courage to tell him out but I cant just yet .. Sad woman that I am I may take to the bottle as well
—Guest Mausie

Stuck

My boyfriend of almost four years has been cheating on me. Tragic. although spying is not the answer .. when you give someone you care about all of you and everything you have for years and through all of your 100% effort you find all your getting in return is lies and you still dont want all that you put into your relationship to go to waste you try to work things out. do you have to stay? no but what you love about this person the most comes out when your in the worst time. should you fall for it? no but you do because once again you have put so much into this. after awhile you find the need to know why should they be with another if i give you everything. so thats when spying comes in. you can finally get that heart ripping evidence that you try to handle and then your stuck trying to escape the relationship with hardcore evidence you cant even pin against the loved one because your not supposed to have the evidence. so what now? just be strong the first time and leave.
—Guest Torn Wings

If You Need to Spy On Your Spouse ...

Either you have a real reason and you should just confront your spouse about it, or you are insecure and you should see a therapist about it. I felt compelled to spy on my former fiancee's emails and browser history because I discovered an 8 month affair. It was a useless exercise, she just found another way to communicate, and the more effective I got at snooping the more she just wanted to break up with me and totally sleep around, eventually she broke the engagement and left, slept with 16 guys that year. I should have just dumped her and saved myself the efforts. Moral of the story - if you feel the need, you either need therapy (insecurity, control, and trust issues), or if you have a concrete reason, then you are with an untrustworthy person and snooping will not stop them from sneaking around behind your back anyway.
—Guest Rowan

The More I Snooped, the More I Found

Last year, my husbands whole personality changed. He started treating me rotten, down right rude. Finally, in Aug I asked him for a separation. I had enough. Then, I accidently found out he was texting with a girl from the gym hundreds of times a month. I did start snooping then and found out, shall we say, more than I could handle. My advice, don't give a loved on a reason to snoop and we won't.
—Guest Roxy

Don't Snoop

Don't snoop. I was with my wife for 2 years. She snooped through ALL of my belongings for years; I never cheated once. I divorced her because the 2 years of snooping drove me absolutely insane. I was so true to her but faced nothing but accusations day to day. After the divorce, I came to find that she was seeing her ex through our entire marriage ... and she is back with him now. Crazy how she did the snooping but was the cheater all along.
—Guest Jeff

Hurts To Be Snooped On

My ex-wife spied on everything I did on the Internet. She read all kinds of message, email, even blogs. I never cheated on her or even anyone I dated. We divorced. I just found out that my current girlfriend of 2 years has been spying on me doing the exact same things my ex did, also she installed spy software on my home and work computer. I never cheated on her either. I'm not a flirty type, in fact I'm a bit reserved. I have very few female friends, and the only time I see them is when we're doubling with their hubbies. So why? Being that they both had complete access to every phone call, text and internet message/email I ever made, they should have known that I was honest. But they kept doing it compulsively. Is this just what women do in the Internet age? I can't get used to it. I feel really disappointed in my current GF and I feel weird, I can't put my finger on it. But it sucks. Think about what the other person is going to feel if you spy on them. It's serious.
—Guest guest mikey

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Reasons to Snoop

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