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Readers Respond: Reasons to Snoop

Responses: 53

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From the article: Spying on Your Spouse
Do you snoop on your spouse? If so, how do you justify spying on your spouse. If not, share why you think spying is wrong in your marriage. Tell us what you think. Share Your Thoughts

I Never Used to But Now Do

My wife encouraged us to move to a different country for a different life. I was first to move and she followed six months later with the kids. I discovered that she had been exchanging sexy text messages with a former colleague at work and even sent him a sexy picture of her. I confronted her and she said it was nothing but an innocent flirt and was sorry about it and that it had a negative impact on our relationship. After that I didn't trust her and kept monitoring her phone, which she put a password on. I found that she still kept the sexy talk with this former work-mate. I also found that she's also exchanging these flirty messages with her ex-boyfriend... even sending each other pornographic pictures and videos. I used to hold her in so much trust but now I don't. We still stay together and do all the things couples do but this is eating me so much. I feel like I can't tell her and I'm not sure what happened the period we were separate from each other.
—Guest canapetrois

Suspicion

If you snoop it is because your are suspicious! What happened in your life that made you not trust? Was it him or someone before? If you trust your partner so little then get counseling or get out!
—Guest Guest

Mayuri

my husband is having an affair with his ex-girlfriend ..... i found out 3 days ago .... wanna forgive him as he promised dat wl not happen again .... but cant forgive him ... i see flashes of him wih her .... cant talk to anybody abt this ... i wanna love him again the way I used to before I found out abt the affair .... plz plz plz help. Editor's Note: This article may be helpful. http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/ht/unfaithful.htm
—Guest mayuri

I Spied

I always know when they cheat, but I don't listen to myslef and consider myself crazy. We all ahve instincts and intuition as our built in survival guides but because of problems in our childhood we learn not to trust them. With my ex, I knew he was cheating so I snooped on his phone and found texts form the manager of the hostel where him and his ex were staying for the night asking them if they need more towels. I confronted him and he admited he cheated. I also made a fake account and pretended to be his ex and he had a sexually explicit chat with me thinking I was his ex. My current boyfriend helped me recover , but it seems he is no better. I feel he is cheating and lying and I just pursued a device to monitor him. The truth sets you free.
—Guest ada

To Snoop or Not to Snoop

I suppose once you are on the slippery slide of no trust it is time to call things a day, i am convinced my husband is cheating on me as he works away from home most nights of the week and i know he is capable of saying he is working away even when he isnt as if we have a row he wont come home for a few days saying it was work .... i am thinking of getting a mobile tracker to try find out if after he says goodnight to me he is going out to meet woman as he is never interested in me even after being away a week .... he will cause a row to avoid any contact ,,,, i know i should just end things but we are married 23 year ... he was a very controlling person and i left once the kids had grown and went and got myself a life, ,,, after 10 year apart we unexpectedly met and ended up back together.. 3 years now ... and it has been very rocky full of mistrust from him when i am not a cheat and he knows this ... i think he puts things on me that he has done as i have found him out a few times to be lying.
—Guest bev

I'm Tired of Being Mistreated

i been 17yr my hubby has talking to his ex wife when im at work and looking at porn, he verbly abuse to me and my kids , he hides his phone and his computer pass words and say he needs privates, he claims he not cheating, but tries make it out like im, i have never cheated on him, he comes up and looks at what im doing on the computer and watchs what im typing to my friends. like he hoping my doing some thing wrong.
—Guest sick to death

Dump the Lying Sneaking Cheater

Dump them before its too late, they don't change, You deserve better and there are better partners and people out there, believe!
—Guest Guardian Angel

Conviction

Seeing all this has just convicted me a lot as a person ... i have been snooping around a lot yet my partner doesnt show signs of cheating or anything. I guess i just need to trust him more
—Guest dw

Mistrust

I always spy on my husband phone since he cheated 3 times and I found he was on date sites, mail order brides site, porn sites etc. Is that wrong? Editor's Note: If your husband has cheated 3 times and continues to surf the sites you listed, why are you staying married to him?
—Guest dana m

Trusting or Naive

I flip back and forth between believing in trust and despising the idea of snooping and then suddenly becoming obsessed with finding the TRUTH. My wife says she loves me. But she has always been a subtle flirt. Looking too long at the waiter and so on. A long period with no sex, no hugs or kisses led me to suspect something. I just confronted her with my feelings and asked her if she was cheating on me. I even said I thought it was the neighbour. She laughed at my suspicion and denied it. But she became no more loving than before. Maybe it's just normal with busy days and kids. Her family is not so huggy, like mine was. I have snooped a bit on her facebook, but have found nothing. She is friendly with the neighbor when we are together. He can really make her laugh in a way that I never can. She just seems happy when she is in company with him. She always gives him a long hug goodbye. They connect and have long eye contact when we are together. Should I snoop? Editor's Note: I don't recommend snooping. I do recommend marriage counseling. If your wife isn't interested attending or in making your marriage more intimate and stronger, then you need to decide if you want to stay married to her.
—Guest gregory

Am About To

I've been with my boyfriend for a few months, and it is a serious relationship. However, it's long distance. He hasn't given me any real reason to doubt him, but I feel I need to check up on him at least one time just to be sure. You can never be too careful. I want to commit myself to this person, and for this reason, I need to know I can trust him. He's actually checked my messages, email, fb before with the same intention. I feel a little sick and guilty for planning it, and perhaps a little scared, that it might become an addiction, or that I will read too much into something, or that it will spark unnecessary jealousy. Anyway I want to make sure he's honest with me and even though it's making me anxious, I am going to do it.
—Guest me

Yeah - Spy Away

I'm currently in a relationship, which frankly from my perspective has no trust. well at least not from me and with dam good reason. Every opoortunity I have given to reconciliation has ended up backfiring on me, sure its great for the first few weeks, I get I love you sooo much I dont know what I was thinking, blah blah blah, the list of excuses goes on and on. Then it starts all over again, the sex dies off, the porn starts up, we walk down the street and the obvious flirting in front of me starts, then the neglect starts, all of a sudden Im just not quite good enough again, the "omissions" start (Some of us Call omitting information as lies you know) about what they have been doing during the day, text messages get deleted from the cell, I text at different times, sometimes I get a response more often when I get home I get told oh yeah sorry I was busy didnt hear the cell, WTF! So yeah I spy and so should you too - I love the way they blame you when you finally tell him you Know!
—Guest fapulous

Shocked to Death

I found out that my husband cheats on me , just months after our marriage, with his old girl friend, they slept together several times , I don't know what to do or how to behave , he always gives me the feeling that I am the only one in his life and how much he loves his family, but finding out his affairs and relation shocked me to death and lost trust in him , so a moment I wished I wouldn't have found out and lived with his lies happily instead of knowing the truth and live in misery , I don't know what to do ?
—Guest Natalie

Tired and Annoyed

I feel like ever since we got married my husband snoop on my phone everyday. He knows every message I have. I let him look at my phone anytime he wanted to and I usually leave the phone laying anywhere. I never log out on face book when I’m at work so therefore he can see everything what’s on my page. Occasionally an old closed guy friend of mine that I know before he even come along with my life will texted me and called me occasionally to see how doing were. But my husband doesn’t like me talking or texting him back. Therefore I stop communicating with this guy just to avoid the conflict on our marriage. I work 10 hrs or more a day, 6 days a week, goes to school full time, and taking care of my 6 and 3 yrs old daughter when I come home. My husband stayed home and collects temporary disability and helps watch our 3 yrs old daughter. My life evolved at work, school and home. Occasionally after work I stop by at the store for an hr or two to do my shopping. I have not cheated ever in o
—Guest Precious

Cheater

I don't think its wrong when you find out your husband is cheating on you with a 24 year old that's only looking for a sugar daddy and men don't think with there heads on there shoulders they think with the other head.
—Guest cheaters anoninos

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Reasons to Snoop

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