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Readers Respond: Reasons to Snoop

Responses: 35

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From the article: Spying on Your Spouse
Do you snoop on your spouse? If so, how do you justify spying on your spouse. If not, share why you think spying is wrong in your marriage. Tell us what you think. Share Your Thoughts

My Boyfriend Mobile Phone

I cheated my boyfriend phone with the help of an app, because we have problems with his conversations to other girls.It really helped me.
—Janny_J

BTW ---

Do you all ever wonder if your snooping pushes them to cheating? Like... they're getting grilled on every little miniscule detail because we're all jealous crazy people. Why not cheat and get it over with? I'm getting accused anyways, maybe I can explain it away like everything else? STOP SNOOPING. It only makes you stress and disconnect from your partner. Been there, done that!
—Guest Toots

Husband Caught Here Too

I never snooped on anyone till I met my husband. No one ever gave me a reason until one day he picked up the phone and excused himself saying it was his boss. He walked 2 BLOCKS AWAY to have the conversation. I looked at his phone later and there were texts going back and forth with some girl he "danced with at a club". Since then, I've been OBSESSED with checking his phone. He went out with his boatmates recently while away on business and I found phone calls to different escort services... yes... that's right. Escorts. He swears it wasn't him and added that he knows I have his phone backed up to mine-- why would he use his phone. He says he went to sleep and the boys used his phone. I don't know what to believe... but it definitely doesn't make me wanna stop snooping any more than before. Awesome eh?
—Guest Tootsytina

I Never Used to But Now Do

My wife encouraged us to move to a different country for a different life. I was first to move and she followed six months later with the kids. I discovered that she had been exchanging sexy text messages with a former colleague at work and even sent him a sexy picture of her. I confronted her and she said it was nothing but an innocent flirt and was sorry about it and that it had a negative impact on our relationship. After that I didn't trust her and kept monitoring her phone, which she put a password on. I found that she still kept the sexy talk with this former work-mate. I also found that she's also exchanging these flirty messages with her ex-boyfriend... even sending each other pornographic pictures and videos. I used to hold her in so much trust but now I don't. We still stay together and do all the things couples do but this is eating me so much. I feel like I can't tell her and I'm not sure what happened the period we were separate from each other.
—Guest canapetrois

Suspicion

If you snoop it is because your are suspicious! What happened in your life that made you not trust? Was it him or someone before? If you trust your partner so little then get counseling or get out!
—Guest Guest

Mayuri

my husband is having an affair with his ex-girlfriend ..... i found out 3 days ago .... wanna forgive him as he promised dat wl not happen again .... but cant forgive him ... i see flashes of him wih her .... cant talk to anybody abt this ... i wanna love him again the way I used to before I found out abt the affair .... plz plz plz help. Editor's Note: This article may be helpful. http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/ht/unfaithful.htm
—Guest mayuri

I Spied

I always know when they cheat, but I don't listen to myslef and consider myself crazy. We all ahve instincts and intuition as our built in survival guides but because of problems in our childhood we learn not to trust them. With my ex, I knew he was cheating so I snooped on his phone and found texts form the manager of the hostel where him and his ex were staying for the night asking them if they need more towels. I confronted him and he admited he cheated. I also made a fake account and pretended to be his ex and he had a sexually explicit chat with me thinking I was his ex. My current boyfriend helped me recover , but it seems he is no better. I feel he is cheating and lying and I just pursued a device to monitor him. The truth sets you free.
—Guest ada

To Snoop or Not to Snoop

I suppose once you are on the slippery slide of no trust it is time to call things a day, i am convinced my husband is cheating on me as he works away from home most nights of the week and i know he is capable of saying he is working away even when he isnt as if we have a row he wont come home for a few days saying it was work .... i am thinking of getting a mobile tracker to try find out if after he says goodnight to me he is going out to meet woman as he is never interested in me even after being away a week .... he will cause a row to avoid any contact ,,,, i know i should just end things but we are married 23 year ... he was a very controlling person and i left once the kids had grown and went and got myself a life, ,,, after 10 year apart we unexpectedly met and ended up back together.. 3 years now ... and it has been very rocky full of mistrust from him when i am not a cheat and he knows this ... i think he puts things on me that he has done as i have found him out a few times to be lying.
—Guest bev

I'm Tired of Being Mistreated

i been 17yr my hubby has talking to his ex wife when im at work and looking at porn, he verbly abuse to me and my kids , he hides his phone and his computer pass words and say he needs privates, he claims he not cheating, but tries make it out like im, i have never cheated on him, he comes up and looks at what im doing on the computer and watchs what im typing to my friends. like he hoping my doing some thing wrong.
—Guest sick to death

Need Help :/

I started spying on my husband when a sherriff came to my door with foreclosure papers. He was responsible for paying our mortgage since I still had a home that I was financially responsible for. We were 8 months behind in our mortgage and I had no clue. After this I started snooping, I found amputee videos downloaded and lots of really negative texts about me to his sister and other women in his life. He excused the videos to something that was emailed to him. Now in the last month I decided to snoop again and there are dozens of amputee videos and books that he apparently enjoys looking at/ reading. Also he says f her in regards to me quite often to his sister. He says he is in awe of amputees desire to rise above and achieve happiness...he says it isnt sexual yet they are women. I am hurt, confused and discusted by him. I dont understand sexuallizing something so challenging to people. I am now becoming a drunk because I dont know how to deal with my hurt or confusion HELP
—Guest Pissed off wife

Tony

My wife was an undercover dyke. I found out before we got married. We talked about it and she said, that period in her life was all a mistake. We agreed to leave the past in the past. Time passed and I would catch her on the phone with her ex ... she admitted that she was wrong for that, however as time passed I would catch her again on the phone with her ex. I asked her how would she feel if I was on the phone at O-dark 30, in the morning, with an old flame. She said, "she would not like it". We agreed again, to leave the past and old relationships in the past. HOWEVER, I got slapped in the face for the third time, with this EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP, my wife is involved in ...... So I was hurt ... due to the fact, I never thought I married someone who could be so deceitful. I never thought of this woman to be someone who could look me in the face and lie without blinking. I made up my mind. I will hang in there .... for my daughter. I also determined I can't trust this lady.
—Guest Tony

Please Say It Isn't So

I've been engaged for 7 months. One month into the relationship I had previous engagements that required me to spend a weekend in jail. I came home to an empty house while the fiance was at work. Her facebook was opened so I briefly checked (first time) While I was gone, she had sexual conversations all night with a male friend. I confronted her, accepted the apology, and she did what I asked to fix the problem. 2 months later, I find a screenshot of her phone on her phone of a text from a guy saying "mwah", once agian, confronted and accepted the apology. For the next 2 months, I spied every single second I could. History, facebook, phone, voicemails, emails. everything. She felt violated and said it wasn't fair because I accepted the apology. I then gave her trust, never looked again. Just friday she lied about hanging with a guy. Accepted apology. :( Spying does nothing but kill you emotionally. Deep down you know it's happening, and because of that, chances are you wont leave. Sucks =[
—Guest Chris

I Do It ALL the Time

I spy on my boyfriends facebook, emails, youtube account, text messages, calls, internet history. Needless to say, I'm totally neurotic. I have found a couple of unsavoury things in my time but he's never cheated. I'm obsessed with checking up on him though - it gives me a thrill to know what he does without him knowing that I know! I'm a sad saddddd individual :(
—Guest Lucy

Spouse Spying

Recently I found a software, it worked very fine. I have tried many software but all were detected by the antivirus. But this application is not detected. And good feature is that you can view all data from any place. It's very easy to install. ispywife. Editor's Note: Software has not been reviewed or check by Sheri or Bob, Guides to Marriage at About.com.
—Guest nayana

Peep Hole in Bathroom

I did close the peep hole I found and did confront him about it. He was embarrassed and ashamed. Tried to make it into my fault. WTF! How is your sickness my fault. We are in counseling right now. I don't know if it will work. Right now, I can't even bear the thought of sleeping with him and don't want him to touch me. We have been married nine years and this is the second marriage for us both. I just don't know how to process everything that has happened. I don't think this is the first time or even the second. I think this has been going on for some time.
—Guest brenda

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Reasons to Snoop

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