There are several informative threads on the Marriage Forum about the effectiveness of marriage counseling and looking at the "relationship industry".
The Relationship Industry
Nancy: "I've been skeptical, if not downright cynical, about the relationship "counseling/self-help books/gurus like Dr. Phil" industry (or mystique) for a long time. I wonder why there is such a huge market for counseling, for "working" on relationships, learning to communicate, learning how to fight properly, and "looking unflinchingly into the dark corners of our relationships." (quote from Weather). Why the terrible angst? Just what is so difficult or confusing about all of this that we need professional counselors and therapists and guidance and instructions and worksheets at every turn?"
Love Her But
Mr. Boogedy: "If you love each other, respect each other, make time to talk and listen with each other, you will be amazed at what can happen. And -- importantly -- the sex you can have with someone on that level of intimacy can blow the doors off the best sex you've ever had with someone you're not married to. Really and truly. So there is that. :-)"
Need for Counseling
Weather: "Which is where the counselor comes in. The counselor can provide the supportive environment that allows people to bring up issues with severe inherent conflict and examine them. The counselor can be facilitator/referee for what has been called fair fighting. The counselor can make sure that the questions that have to be answered get answered, to ask the next level of questions. "Have you considered _________," "Can you live with ________," "If you accept _______ what does that mean about ______?" The counselor can encourage people to consider, understand, and possibly discuss expectations. The counselor can help people usefully try to understand the sources of their feelings -- not to change them, but to understand them. The counselor can help people deal with the overwhelming volume of emotion associated with counseling, help them isolate prior to integrating, help them focus and not feel like there's no way up. The counselor can mentor people in their attempts to understand themselves and each other. Patients/clients get a few hours a week, at most, with the counselor, so the counselor can also help them make their time away from that office valuable; teach them some skills to use in their activities on their own. Even if the can get through on their own, it's probably faster and better with some help. The counselor can also make sure people don't deliberately or accidently short-circuit the process, setting themselves up to relive it."
The Relationship Industry
Nancy: "I've been skeptical, if not downright cynical, about the relationship "counseling/self-help books/gurus like Dr. Phil" industry (or mystique) for a long time. I wonder why there is such a huge market for counseling, for "working" on relationships, learning to communicate, learning how to fight properly, and "looking unflinchingly into the dark corners of our relationships." (quote from Weather). Why the terrible angst? Just what is so difficult or confusing about all of this that we need professional counselors and therapists and guidance and instructions and worksheets at every turn?"
Love Her But
Mr. Boogedy: "If you love each other, respect each other, make time to talk and listen with each other, you will be amazed at what can happen. And -- importantly -- the sex you can have with someone on that level of intimacy can blow the doors off the best sex you've ever had with someone you're not married to. Really and truly. So there is that. :-)"
Need for Counseling
Weather: "Which is where the counselor comes in. The counselor can provide the supportive environment that allows people to bring up issues with severe inherent conflict and examine them. The counselor can be facilitator/referee for what has been called fair fighting. The counselor can make sure that the questions that have to be answered get answered, to ask the next level of questions. "Have you considered _________," "Can you live with ________," "If you accept _______ what does that mean about ______?" The counselor can encourage people to consider, understand, and possibly discuss expectations. The counselor can help people usefully try to understand the sources of their feelings -- not to change them, but to understand them. The counselor can help people deal with the overwhelming volume of emotion associated with counseling, help them isolate prior to integrating, help them focus and not feel like there's no way up. The counselor can mentor people in their attempts to understand themselves and each other. Patients/clients get a few hours a week, at most, with the counselor, so the counselor can also help them make their time away from that office valuable; teach them some skills to use in their activities on their own. Even if the can get through on their own, it's probably faster and better with some help. The counselor can also make sure people don't deliberately or accidently short-circuit the process, setting themselves up to relive it."
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