"I love him, but I'm not in love with him ..."
What do people mean when that say this?
This forum post by Carol gives an interesting opinion.
"(Ok, I've wondered what people meant when they say they love their husband but they are not in love with them. )Your entire post was a really good one. Hopefully it'll give her something to think about. Sounds like she's just staying with him for the security but if I were THAT unhappy I'd have been gone a long time ago.
I mainly just wanted to comment on the part of your post above. I've often wondered about that too. I often think that 'love' has degrees. We can look at your partner and get those overwhelming feelings of 'gushiness' and think how much we love and adore someone...that's the 'in love' feelings. Other times we can look at our partner and feel affection, caring and just know we 'love' them. Other times we can look at them and not feel much of anything, at least not conciously, but we still know we 'love' them, I think people sometimes think if they just 'love' someone but don't feel the 'in love' feelings, that it's all gone and there's nothing left. Emotions can, and do, sometimes change by the day, hour and minute but if we really LOVE someone we will love them all the time, even without the 'gushiness' and it won't mean we aren't 'in love' with them anymore. Just a matter of degree.
Just my thoughts but I think about this often since it's a number one reason for people to break up. Or seems like it.
ETA: Not only does it sound like the OP isn't 'in love' with her husband but I don't think she 'loves' him either, no matter what she says."
Do you agree or disagree? Post your comments!
Related: Love is a Decision | Poll: Would You Marry Your Spouse Again?
I believe you can love your husband/wife and not be love with that person. If you have been with a person for a certain period of time, then you care about their feelings and wellbeing. you love that person for being a humanbeing and some of the qualities he/she has. You do not want anything bad to happen to them. But you do not have any romantic feelings for the person. it’s a big difference! It’s hard sometimes to live like that. I think you should be honest and let a person know how you feel. If the relationship is worth saving, the couple should try cousenling (if it will help). It’s hard to love someone when the feelings aren’t mutual! Everyone has to find happiness for themselves. So, be honest to yourself and to the person involved. You will sleep better.
I agree. I am personally going through this right now. My husband and I have tried over and over to work things out, even now we are trying. I think I made the decision to try one more time just to make sure it wasn’t any outside influence but I can deffinately tell that things are way different. I do love him. I would never wish anything bad on him and am not looking to damage anyone. I’m simply spent. I am tired of being the one doing the giving and not ever getting anything back in return. Even after I told him about how I felt he is trrying a harder but I know it must be over b/c I’m still not happy and its harder everyday to stay. I’m really stuck and will probably soon be leaving. But you never know what thw future brings so I guess we’ll see.